It Was An Accident

My dad's hand on my shoulder woke me the next morning. I rolled out of bed with a little bit of a headache. Not bothering to change my clothes yet, I went into the kitchen and grabbed an apple to eat since I knew we'd be having a bigger breakfast a little later. I started cleaning out the fridge with only half a mind. Talia came in when I was mostly finished and gathered ingredients for breakfast.

"Are you feeling any better, Hanna?" she asked.

"I'm not sick," I replied.

"I didn't mean it that way. You just seemed out of sorts yesterday."

I shook my head then finished cleaning the fridge.

Once the cleaning supplies were taken care of, I went down the hall to shower and dress. My dad came out of the bathroom with the trash.

"Hanna," he said.

"Yes, Dad?"

"Can I talk with you a moment?"

"Sure."

We entered my room and he closed the door. From the trash can he pulled out the pregnancy test.

"Would you care to explain this?"

"It's…." I sighed.

Guess I couldn't delay telling my parents any longer. My only relief was that Dad had been the one to find it instead of Mom.

Dad waited with no expression on his face.

"It was an accident," I said. "I didn't know my bits could fit together."

"How long ago was this?"

"Beginning of September when I had a cold."

"Have you done it since?"

I shook my head. "Nor do I want to."

"Alright. Thank you for being honest with me, Hanna."

"You're welcome, Dad."

"I will need to let your mother know."

I nodded slightly, wondering what she would do now to make my life miserable.

He pulled me into a tight embrace. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Dad rubbed my back and kissed my temple before he let go.

"Have you thought about your options?"

I nodded. "Adoption feels the least stressful."

"Alright. Let me know when you would like help."

"I will."

Dad turned to open the door.

"One more thing, Dad," I said, before he could open it a crack.

"What's that?"

"Please don't tell Jake or Talia."

"Promise. I'll even wait until they're gone to tell your mother."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Hanna."

Then we left and I got cleaned up. By the time I returned to the kitchen, Mom and Jake were sitting at the kitchen table talking. Talia was setting the food on the table and Dad was pulling out the dishes.

"He's not your typical talk counselor, Julie," Jake said. "He works with the body to locate what in the body is causing the issue. I've heard many people say his work is more effective than any talk counselor."

"What did you say his name was again?"

"Nuzet," Jake replied. "Nuzet Vollie."

"He sounds like he might be a good counselor for Hanna."

"I don't…," I started.

"Hanna," Dad interrupted me. "We'll see him once before making a decision."

I nodded.

After breakfast, we played games until late in the afternoon. I tried to keep my mind on playing the game more than the conversations going on between the adults. I hated the fact that Mom had pulled Jake and Talia in on Mr. Thompson's suggestion I see someone. The four of them talked about a variety of things. I wondered how they never got sick of talking.

We all ate lunch together. Then I returned to my room to think. My homework was complete, so I picked up my push stick and sat in the hammock chair that my dad had installed in the corner across from the door. The hammock swing was the only place I could say I enjoyed to sit. Only because it was big and I could recline enough that it was like lying down, but not.

I pushed the stick against the carpet to get the chair to swing just a little. The rocking motion had always been soothing when I was stressed. It didn't matter what I was stressed about—school, Mom, her gifts to me, my gender—I could always lose myself in the sway and let those cares slip from my mind.

I didn't sleep well that night. Talia and Jake were at it. If her noises weren't enough, the bed had started to squeak and my thoughts could almost picture the movements needed to make the bed sound like that. It only aggravated how I felt. After listening to them for nearly half an hour, I left my room. I entered the front room and slept on the couch. The couch was nothing like my bed and I felt like I hadn't slept at all when I heard Jake enter the kitchen to brew some coffee the following morning.

I took my stuff back to my room then grabbed an apple and a granola bar before dressing and leaving the house. Today would be Jake and Talia's last day. They would leave after the after dinner movie to return home. Usually, today was spent watching movies all day, but today I couldn't. Just having them around made the confirming news that I was pregnant all the more hard to accept.

A couple inches of snow had covered the ground during the night. I walked down the semi-cleared sidewalks to the park. Here, I walked through snow covered grass, slowly eating my food. Several kids were playing on the jungle gym and laughing when one yelled.

"Tag, you're it!"

I left the grass then and walked along the sidewalk that formed a ring around the playground. I had almost made a complete circle when a woman sitting on one of the benches spoke.

"Honey Child," she said, getting my attention. "Why so glum?"

"I feel lost," I replied.

"Yes, that can happen. Call me when you are ready." She held out a business card to me and I took it without thinking.

"Thank you."

She nodded.

I threw my wrappers away and returned home.

Jake, Talia, and my parents were sitting at the table part way through breakfast. My thoughts were drawn back to the woman in the park as I filled up my plate then leaned against the cupboard as I always did to eat. Her energy was comforting and had briefly pushed aside my worries about my pregnancy. Mom's request to sit at the table went unheard and unheeded. I was only slightly aware of her anger and discomfort. I ate then filled the dishwasher with what dishes were ready to be loaded before returning to my room. Lying down, I went back to sleep.