Chapter 2

The following day seemed to follow the same routine. After breakfast, Jesse would read to me from the books in the library until noon. This afternoon was spent in the company of several business associates. They were kind to me while I sat and listened. Occasionally, Jesse would touch my hand to make sure I was doing okay since I was still recovering. I would assure him that I was. Yet, even with all the kindness and care Jesse was showing me, inside I felt alone.

The evening routine was the same, dinner and conversation until I decided to turn in. The following afternoon I was able to go with Jesse into town. He dropped me off at Iris' place before going to his business. Iris just talked with me and gave me several herbs to take with me to help support and hopefully repair the damage done so I could get my eyesight back.

The alternating routine continued. I was grateful to spend as much time as I could with Iris. Because of my blindness, she taught me to identify the plants by smell and taste. Some of them had such a distinct smell that I didn't need to taste them to know which plants they were. Which turned out to be a good thing since many of the plants were poisonous. As each day passed, the reading in the library after breakfast seemed to change as well. Jesse's voice became more animated while he read and he sat closer to me, brushing against me like I was a long lost friend.

Then the nightmares started.

I was sitting alone in front of the fireplace at the orphanage. I rolled a coal out of the fire and watched it burn until it cooled and died. It was fascinating, so I did it again. Only this time the coal exploded and caught the building on fire. I screamed but no one heard me. I ran. No one else left the building. All my friends. My… family. Everyone inside. I yelled for them. But no one emerged and the building collapsed.

I woke up screaming, "No!"

I curled myself into a ball and rested my forehead on my knees. I hadn't had dreams like that since I was first taken to the orphanage. What had changed to bring them back now? For my first five years at the orphanage fire dreams like the one I had just had plagued me nightly. Then they faded as the world became so cold that even a fire couldn't provide warmth. I started rocking trying to clear my head and get my emotions under control, when I heard the door fly open. I cringed inwardly waiting for the beating to start. I shuddered in slight relief when Jesse spoke.

"What's wrong?" he asked, setting his hands on my arms.

"I can't tell you."

"Aspen, please. Something is troubling you. What is it?"

I shook my head. I had to talk to Iris. I didn't share my feelings with anyone but Iris and sometimes I wouldn't even tell her. But, with this, I felt compelled to find her. I needed to know why the dreams were returning and why I felt that anyone who got to know me would die. More death was the last thing I wanted right now.

Once Jesse was gone, I got dressed and pulled out a cloak. I had to leave now. I quietly slipped out of the room and to the front door. As I opened it, I heard footsteps running down the hall. I quickly closed the door and ran. I felt that if I could talk with Iris about this then peace would return.

I heard Jesse call my name. The snow was falling heavily and I hoped that they would cover my tracks and Jesse wouldn't find me. I kept running. I hit many trees and bushes and tripped over a few logs while I tried to orient my direction just off the road. I'm sure my hands, arms, and legs were covered in many scratches. His voice seemed to grow faint. Maybe he was finally giving up. Then I slipped down a hill and hit my head.

When I awoke, I found myself back in bed. My head was sore from hitting it again, and the scratches I received from running were superficial. But I was confused and disturbed by the spinning shadows. They had some form to them, but were still indistinguishable. Was my sight returning? I turned my head slightly. There was the form of a person in one of the chairs. I assumed it was Jesse.

"Why?!" I asked, startling him.

"Because, you are in no condition to be going out there on your own. Why didn't you…?"

"No!" I interrupted. "Why did you pick me up off the street in the first place? Why do you care what happens to me?!"

"Because you were hurt. And... you reminded me of someone I knew a long time ago."

I could hear his voice waver a little as if the memory was painful. Still, I felt driven to talk with Iris now and not in a few days from now.

"You should have left me alone."

"Would you have preferred that I let you freeze to death?!" he asked as he crossed the room.

"Yes!" I said firmly.

"Why?" he whispered.

I turned and glared at his shadowy form, "Because anyone that gets to know me ends up dead."

"Aspen, I don't understand."

"No, you wouldn't."

"I won't unless you tell me."

"Do I have to tell you my entire life story? My family died in a fire and any friend I've made has drowned, been shot, or been beaten to death." I shook my head and turned away. "No more."

Jesse said nothing. Then after another moment, he left the room.

The feeling to leave again dissipated and was replaced by a steady pounding in my head. I tried to breathe deeply to lessen the pain and was startled to feel peace wrap its healing fingers around my heart. Why should I feel peace when so many died because I couldn't save them? I opened my eyes but had to shut them again as I sat up. I knew it would be impossible to try to do much since I got really dizzy just sitting up. I kept my eyes closed and slowly walked to the window. I felt a little dizzy, but pulled the blinds open. The sunlight was bright against my closed eyelids, but a welcome one. My dizziness increased and I had to sit down so I wouldn't pass out. Sitting in the sun warmed my frigid body.

A wave of nausea and stronger dizziness came and I had to lie down on the floor to try and get it to stop. Unfortunately, Jesse came back soon after I had lain down and rushed over to see if I was okay. The wave of nausea had just subsided when he started to pick me up.

"Stop," I said.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm just fine. I'm trying not to pass out." He flinched when I looked at his shadowy form.

"Can you see?"

"Just shapes and shadows. Everything is so blurry, it makes me dizzy."

"I brought you some soup. Would you like me to help you up?"

"No," I said.

I didn't dare let him help me up, if it was going to be too fast. Then I really would pass out. After moving slowly enough with my eyes closed to keep the room from spinning, I made it to the table. Jesse remained standing as if unsure of what to do. I thanked him for the soup. He nodded and left the room. I wished I was able to see facial expressions. As I ate I could hear soft voices just outside my door. Jesse was probably making sure I didn't try to run off again.