Get over him

As I keep on being like that I am awakened by Hyunwoo's voice.

"Yahh!! What's going on with you!!" sigaw niya habang hawak niya ang magkabilang braso ko.

"Is there anything wrong? You look like you're out of your mind. What happened huh?" he looks so worried.

"You're already like that while looking at them when I get here. What is it huh? Please talk." Dagdag pa niya.

"Hyunwoo-ya, I want to go home now." I just said to him.

"Huh? Wae? Are you sick? Can't you even tell me first what's going on?"

"I can't bear it anymore!" Sigaw ko sa kanya. And para siyang nagulat sa narinig niya. Wait, what the hell did I said just now? Bigla akong natauhan at napaatras ako nang marealize ko ang sinabi ko.

"You... You .... You like... Jin? No, you love him?" hindi makapaniwalang sabi niya. Napanganga ako at hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Tinanggal ko ang mga kamay niya sa braso ko and I began to run.

Hindi ako tumigil sa katatakbo hanggang sa pakiramdam ko ay hindi na ako makahinga. My heart feels like it's bleeding. Gusto ko pa sanang tumakbo pero pakiramdam ko ay mawawalan na ako ng hininga kaya tumigil ako sa gitna ng kalsada. But as soon as I stopped, someone grabbed me and hug me from the back.

"Noo... Noona... Don't run... please." As soon as I heard him I began to feel nervous. Kumalas ako sa kanya at tiningnan siya. He looks so pale now and he looks like he can't breathe. Nakahawak din ang isang kamay niya sa dibdib niya.

"What's happening Hyunwoo. Why are you acting like this?." Nauutal na ako dahil sa tingin ko ay nahihirapan na siyang huminga. Nagsisimula na rin akong mag panic.

"Hyunwoo, okay ka lang huh?" mabilis ko siyang niyakap dahil parang matutumba na siya.

"Hyunwoo!! What's wrong with you." Sigaw ko sa kanya. Habang sinusubukan ko siyang itayo.

"Br... bring me to the hos... hospital noona.." mahina at walang buhay na sabi niya. I began to shout.

"Help us, Tulungan niyo kami!"

"Hyunwoo? What's... Oh my god... Hyunwoo!" biglang sigaw nang kararating na si Jin at binuhat agad si Hyunwoo. My brain is still shocked when he shouted at me.

"Get a taxi!! Hurry!!."

....

"What the hell are you doing in there? Why di the two of you went there?!!" umalingawngaw ang boses ni Jin sa harap ng emergency room as soon as naipasuk si Hyunwoo sa loob.

"That kid can't go to high places like that and hindi siya pwedeng mapagod. His lungs are weak! So why did you let him go there?!!" he shouted at me angrily.

"You shouldn't have agreed to him when that kid asked some ridiculous things. You should have stopped him!! Why did you let him go this far?!!"

Tama siya, I should have stop him sa simula pa lang. This is all my fault.

"You.." bigla siyang napatigil habang ako ay nakatitig lang sa kanya. And then biglang nag iba ang expression niya. Why? As I look at his changed expression, pakiramdam ko ay may tumutulong tubig sa mukha ko. Unconsciously, I touched my cheek and pagtingin ko sa darili ko ay basa nga siya. Wait, is this tears? The moment I realize that I am indeed crying, i suddenly pushed him at agad akong tumakbo palayo. I run out of the hospital and run towards the dark spot of the hospital's mini park. It's raining again. And now I'm all wet, while standing near a tree.

I still can't believe that I cried. And thinking about it, the last time I cried was seven years ago. When my mom died. I cried day and night back then when a boy told me these words; "Stop crying now, even if you cry every day until you don't have any tears left, your mom won't wake up again. Crying can't do anything so please stop now." From that day on, I never let a single tear come out of my eyes. It's because I believed that boy. And naniwala ako na tama siya, even if I cry a thousand or even a million tears it won't change anything. That is why I can't believe that I just cried in front of him. And I don't think that the reason why I cried is because he told me those words. I'm actually glad that he told me those to wake me up. And what he said is all I deserve. But, it's just too painful. It's painful because he is the one who said those words.

So this is love. I thought it was all rainbows but now, i realized that it could also be a deadly storm.

....

I got home wet. And as soon as i laid in my bed, I started to stare not in the ceiling anymore. I look at the gloomy sky in my open window. And then, I felt like I am now fully awake. I feel like I just woke up from a very long dream.

And all the memories that happened in that dream goes back to me. Then I saw myself acting like a real crazy girl. But that crazy girl is happy, she's smiling and laughing. But at the same time she's in deep pain. Then I began to realize a certain thing.

If love is this painful, why do people long for it? If love gives these too much heartaches, why do people crave for it? I wonder why it is like this. I admit that love is wonderful but it hurts like hell.

Then, I told myself 'it's time to stop now Jade. Please stop now.' I realize how foolish I was to even try.

....

Paggising ko ay parang lalagnatin ako. Masakit ang ulo ko and i think i caught a cold last night. Pero pinilit kong bumangun para puntahan si Hyunwoo.

I am now here outside the hospital. I'm waiting for that vampire to go out so that I can see Hyunwoo. I decided to put everything to what they used to be. This will be the end. I'm going back to where I belong. I'm going to get over him and forget everything.