My Unrestrained Lives

Walking at midnight under the full moon, I was returning from my part-time job. The street was eerily quiet, devoid of people. The moonlight cast long shadows, painting the buildings and trees in silver hues. The air was cool and crisp, with a gentle breeze rustling the leaves, adding a soft whisper to the silence. The occasional distant sound of a car passing by only emphasized the stillness of the night. The soft glow of streetlights flickered intermittently, casting an almost surreal ambiance as I made my way home.

My almost empty and tired mind was plagued by suicidal thoughts, as usual, but once again, I just brushed them off.

Arriving at my apartment and opening the door, I went straight to my room.

"aa~h"

Or like I wanted to go straight to my room, but hearing the moans from the next room disrupted me, stopping me in my tracks as I stared in the direction of the sounds.

A thin wall separated us, but it seemed as if I could picture what was happening across it.

It was nothing new in my otherwise quiet apartment.

After staring a bit, I continued to my room and opened the door.

The room was a mess. Clothes and crumpled papers littered the floor, and the bed was a tangle of sheets and pillows. A musty smell mixed with the scent of stale food.

Even then, without bothering to clean or sort out anything, I went straight to my bed.

Lying down, I was exhausted.

Am I truly living, continuing my current lifestyle? I always find myself asking the same question.

But feeling my tired body and mind again, I just wanted to rest and take my long-overdue sleep.

However, the moans and grunts from the next room came just in time to prevent me from sleeping.

"Fuck."

Cursing, I tried to vent my suppressed emotions, but my exhausted mind didn't have much vocabulary left.

With sleep-deprived eyes, I stared blankly at the ceiling, its cracked paint forming an abstract pattern. As exhaustion weighed on me, memories of my past infiltrated my thoughts. How did I end up in this wretched share house? Why did my journey unfold this way? I questioned myself—how long would I stay here? How long would nothing change?

I wouldn't say my life lacks problems; actually, it's the opposite. But even with all my problems, from academic to emotional ones, I thought I had a clear path, a clear goal, and a clear future.

Like I couldn't picture myself failings in anything. 

But maybe not solving my problems but delaying them actually made them crash down all at once.

It's been four years since I moved into this house with a fellow student, hoping for a quiet space to study, and knowing its proximity to the university was convenient.

But then again, it was the start of all problems.

My housemate's social adventures, exploring every girl he could get, took precedence, and his academic success only intensified my own self-doubt.

Studying medicine, a choice influenced more by my parents, specifically my father, than by my own passion, led to my struggle at university. The first year was manageable as I simply went to university and came back to continue studying, but even then, seeing my results and comparing them with my housemate's, I couldn't help but feel down and depressed.

While I was studying, he was fucking some girl or on his way to fuck another girl, but even then his exam results were always better than mine.

In the second year, I couldn't hold on any longer. I shut myself in my room, skipping classes and exams until I eventually dropped out.

The aftermath was tough. My parents withdrew their financial support, and I struggled with part-time jobs.

If that were all, it might have been manageable, but my relationships also began to deteriorate.

Distancing myself from everyone to study was seen as acceptable, but doing so because of mental and emotional health issues was not.

My academic failure paved the way for my social failure.

I know I was wrong not to take responsibility for my choices, but I couldn't help it.

Shutting myself in my room and reading light novels and watching anime was my only escape, but I had to find a job eventually to continue my current lifestyle.

There were not many jobs I could do with my lack of communication skills and other problems.

After struggling to find a job, it wouldn't be long before I was either fired or I resigned voluntarily because I couldn't continue.

While coming back from work, sometimes I would think it might be better to jump in front of a truck, to ascertain the truth of truck-kun.

And make a service to society by helping young people not get deceived again.

Imagining that after my death I would be sent to another world, I found myself escaping from reality a lot.

But I didn't have the courage to commit suicide, and remembering my childhood ambition and determination to become someone successful with a lot of money in the future, I would always dream that maybe with time I can reform myself and try something meaningful.

My current self is lacking, but my future self should be someone dependable enough.

"I will do something new tomorrow."

Saying the same sentence I always said before sleeping, I drifted off to sleep.

........

[You have been awakened]

[The "Twilight Codex" system has arrived on Planet Earth. You can now view your status.]

Waking up and groggily opening my eyes, the first thing I saw was the blue window in front of me.

"Am I still sleeping?"

Closing my eyes again while saying so, I waited a little, but not being able to hold on any longer, I opened my eyes to see the same message.

Pinching my cheek and feeling the pain, I was assured again that I was not dreaming.

Not being able to contain my excitement anymore, I tried to touch the window, but my hand went through it and nothing changed.

Remembering how in some novels you just have to think about it, I tried to concentrate on the window like I was clicking on it, and finally, something changed.

[Status]

Name: Ellis Miller

Race: Human

Title: None

Level: 0 (EXP: 0/100)

[Attributes]

Strength: 8

Agility: 6

Stamina: 5

Vitality: 6

Mana: 40

Charm: 9

Luck: 2

Unassigned Points: 0

[Blessings: Subtle Soul Rebirth (☆☆☆)]

[Innate Talent: Evolutionary Pathways]

[Skills: None]