Just Go For It, Man

Adam hated being a burden to anyone. But when Erica said she wanted to come to the cemetery with them on the anniversary of his dad's death, he couldn't say no.

Somehow, she knew exactly what he needed on such a difficult day and he was simultaneously embarrassed at showing weakness and grateful that she let him. He needed her. He needed her so much!

It was terrifying if he was being perfectly honest. Having one more person that he absolutely could not afford to lose.

It had been bad enough when he was afraid of losing the simple conversations they shared by studying together. What would he do if he lost her now that she meant so much more to him?

Adam had to do better. He had to make sure that she would never want to leave. She fit into his life so perfectly but what about him? He had worried about not being able to fit into hers but at least her family liked him. The same could not be said for her friends, who thought he was lame for working so much.

He had overheard them once when Erica ran into one of them at their usual study table in the library when he was coming back from the bathroom. He knew her friend was right too even though she hotly defended him.

Would things ever be different? He wouldn't always be quite this busy but still wasn't a fan of going out with people he didn't know well.

If they were still together when things settled down for him, he could probably handle one or two outings a month but would always prefer his family. Her friends would still think he was boring though. People always did because he didn't show his personality around those he wasn't comfortable with.

Adam wasn't sure if things would even get that far until the day Erica told him that she loved him. He hadn't realized that her feelings for him were that deep. That only strengthened his resolve to do better and be the kind of man she deserved.

Unfortunately, there was only so much he could do right now in his current situation. She was very understanding about it but he still felt bad.

At least he was able to spend more time with her during the summer. She even came on their camping trip with them and seemed to have a good time, which came as a great relief. He was glad she liked something that meant so much to him.

Seeing her interact with his family so naturally as if she was truly a part of it…maybe things really would work out long term after all. He couldn't help but get his hopes up that she would stay with him forever.

Then Erica got her own apartment at the end of the summer. It was nice having more privacy but he didn't realize that she wanted him to move in until months later when she said something about it while thinking he was asleep.

He had a pretty good guess why she didn't say anything too and his insides twisted with guilt. He didn't want to let her down but knew he was because of his responsibilities.

This was something Adam could do for her though. His siblings all had his cellphone number memorized. If something happened, he could rush home right away. This was earlier than planned but he could make it work since he wouldn't be paying rent, as much as he didn't want to burden his girlfriend. This was what she wanted so he would make it happen.

Adam went home to pack before his shift that night and Colton raised an eyebrow. "Where are you going?"

"Erica wants me to move in with her."

"Well, it makes sense. She is with you constantly. Good for you."

"You're leaving?" Evan asked incredulously as he appeared in the doorway. "I thought I'd never see the day!"

"Who's leaving?" Peter asked, overhearing them from the hall.

Before Adam knew it, all of his siblings had crowded into the room. It was better to explain this once than having to repeat himself but he had to be sure he said the right thing here to avoid any tears.

"I'm going to move in with Erica but it really won't change much. I'll still see you guys about the same amount. And I'll always be just a call away whenever you need me. Promise."

"Are you and Erica getting married?" Jenna asked curiously.

He wished! That was such a far-off dream though. He couldn't afford to get married any time soon.

"Lay off him, Jen. It's normal for people to move out when they're as old as Adam," Colton said. Adam shot him a grateful smile for changing the subject.

"I'll miss you though," Jenna said a bit sadly as she moved forward to hug him.

Adam smiled and petted her head. "Like I said, I'll still see you guys all the time. Call me and I'll come as long as I'm not in class or at work, okay?"

"Okayyy."

That went a lot better than he expected it to. He had really thought someone would cry. The younger kids were more upset about it than the older ones. Colton was happy for him and Evan was downright gleeful about having one less person in their room. It really had been crowded in there.

His mom was probably happiest for him though. She hugged him for a solid minute when she found out and told him that she was proud of him.

Of course she was. She was the one who wanted him to have his own life.

Adam showed up at Erica's place after work and she was obviously shocked to see him. He felt bad about that too. He knew that she had some noble reason not to tell him what she wanted.

Yes, his family needed him but the woman he loved needed him too. He would find a way for there to be enough of him to go around. Especially since she had been so patient with him and his situation already.

Things really didn't change that much in terms of seeing his family but Erica was happier. Honestly, Adam was too. There were few things he loved more than holding her and now he got to do it every night as he drifted off to sleep. And see her adorable bedhead first thing in the morning. He was very lucky indeed.

The closer he got to the end of college, the more he thought about the future. His plans had changed as soon as he knew Erica wasn't going anywhere. He had to account for her in all of them.

It would probably take a few years at minimum after graduating and getting a statistics job to be able to afford to give her the sort of life she deserved. They could get married then.

As long as Adam had to take care of his mom and siblings, he couldn't be the kind of husband he wanted to be or even think about having kids. It was better to wait until things were more stable.

Things were on track at least. He was thrilled to get a job offer from the company he interned with before he even graduated. The pay was really good for being straight out of school so that should help a lot! Maybe things would be able to happen sooner than he thought after all.

Everyone was happy for him. He couldn't even keep track of all of the congratulations.

But he wasn't expecting Evan to corner him in the bathroom at Hardy's when they went out to celebrate the news. "What's up?"

"I have a job now. Colton and I can handle your part of the bills. You should focus on your own family."

Adam's jaw dropped. "What do you—"

"Come on, Adam! We all know you want to marry Erica but won't because you feel like you have to take care of us first. We're okay. Really. You've done an amazing job of it but it's your turn to take care of what you want."

"I can't just abandon you guys!"

Evan snorted. "You're not capable of abandoning anyone. If it makes you feel better, you can still contribute a couple hundred a month. But use the rest on you. Seriously."

Adam bit his lip. With his new salary, a couple hundred a month really wouldn't effect that much. He would still be able to work on saving up for a down payment on a house. He would need more space when he and Erica started having kids.

Evan saw that his brother was wavering and clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Just go for it, man. She's already one of us but it'll be nice to see it be official."

Could Adam really do that though? He couldn't afford a ring right now. But he might be able to after working for a few months.

"I can't afford a ring. Or a wedding."

Evan rolled his eyes. "First, I'm sure her parents will spring for the wedding. They love you and it's not like they can't afford it. Second, I really doubt she'll care about anything fancy. Just get her any old ring for now and get something more expensive later if it'll make you feel better."

He may have a point about her parents. Adam didn't want to get her just any ring though. She deserved better than that.

"I'll have to think about it," he said neutrally. "But thanks, Evan. Really."

His brother gave him a satisfied smile. "It's the least I can do. You've done more than enough already."

People kept telling him that. Had he though? Had he really been able to make up for his dad not being there? Everyone was happy at least. They still had hard days but had adjusted to the new norm. Maybe he had done enough.