Chapter 20

It was so cold outside...so I just cuddled myself under my duvet. I caught a cold the previous night, and coupled with fever, I felt so sick. I was determined to stay indoors throughout that day. My head was throbbing, and my eyes had this heat that made me uncomfortable. Mom had given me some pills before she left my side. I hated how I was feeling and mom was sorry. I was so sick and she wanted to take me to an hospital but I refused. I didn't think it was that bad, besides, I preferred my bed to the hospital beds. She knew it was because of the stress she had been making me go through.

"Ariana, get me this, go there for me, pull me up, massage me, bring me some water, do it this way" all those errands wore me out already. I just wanted to be left alone. I was only a child. Mom stayed by my side for hours, apologizing: "I'm sorry, darling" she pleaded. Even when I told her it was fine that she could leave, she still stayed by me.

"Please forgive me darling"

"Mom, it's not your fault. Blame your irresponsible husband, not yourself" i told her. She then sang me a lullaby, caressed my feet and left the room quietly. I actually felt good with her heavenly touch. She only left after I had fallen asleep because I didn't know when she left. Then, she went to the kitchen to prepare her pregnancy tea. Oh I didn't tell you.-Tea was something she took too, on most nights. But the time around, she was boiling water for tea in the morning. It was one of her pregnancy cravings. Weird right? What's even weirder is that she'd not take the one I made for her, despite that it was the same way she'd make hers. So I stopped trying to do it for her.

I only opened my eyes after about three hours of sleep. My stomach was rumbling. I had only had cereals because I told Mom I had no appetite for food. I wiped my eyes with my hands and stretched, turning around, indecisive about what to do-whether to get up and go get some food, or to sleep some more. Mom soon made my decision for me.

"Ariana!" I heard her call me. I turned around in my bed, thinking I was lost in my imaginations. Why would mom call me? She knew I was asleep.

"Ariana!" I heard her again. She didn't sound like she was in trouble, so I just blocked my ears. My ears still pounded in my head. I don't really know how to explain the feeling but it is what you get when you have a fever and feel sick. I opened my eyes to make sure i was alive and awake.

"Mom!?....what is it?" I drawled. I was not ready to get up or do anything. I wanted to shout but my voice only came out as a whisper.

"Ariana, please come, your attention is needed here. I know you're awake, darling" How did she know? I turned in my bed and slipped in my duvet some more so none of my body was outside the sheets. Mom would have to come over to my room to deliver whatever message it is.

Soon, my door flung open and mom barged in, but she was not alone. I knew even though I was not looking because I heard a male voice. "Thank you ma" he said. Joe!!! I screamed in my head. Then I lifted the duvet off my whole body and jumped. Mom was surprised at my excitement. I think she was staying back because she wanted to be sure I'd be okay meeting him, because she knew how much of a bully he was. She knew him. She knew Big Joe. When she saw my excitement, she stared at me in disbelief.

I ran into Joe and hugged him tightly. He hugged me back and cried, it started with sobs, but then graduated into real, loud tears. It was an emotional sight that day. I wish tears came down my eyes, but I was numb as usual. You know I have this stupid disorder that makes me unable to produce tears, except I induce it with an artificial item, like making use of artificial tears.

"Ariana" he cried. His tears soaked my nightie. I was still in my nightie because I had not gotten out of bed since the previous night.

"Joe!!!" I screamed. He lifted me and rolled me around the room, making me spin. I nearly fell, I started to laugh and cry at the same time. It was so much happiness for me. I didn't realize how much his absence had affected me until then. It was that moment I saw the mark on the small of his neck--the Blue Wolf sign. It was the first time I'd be seeing it, still I did not fidget because I already knew who Joe actually was.

Mom watched us in awe; she was speechless. I was supposed to be angry for letting him into my room or probably send him out of my room and out of our house. After a while, Joe sat on my bed, and I sat beside him.

He looked emaciated, and I only noticed after he sat down and I stared at him..his look concealed some of the excitement he had on his face, and I started to worry but when I touched his hand and realized he was actually there and that I was not dreaming, my worry gave way for excitement.. As long as he was alive and right before me, then whatever it is, it'll be settled. We'll find a solution together. I didn't realize what happened to me, but I realized that I really liked Joe.

The only thing I hated about him was his bullying. I liked him as a person. And it was only after that day, the day I kicked him in his stomach and everywhere without him fighting back that I realized that I was really sorry and I did care about him. My kite did work! My message reached him!! What I believed in worked for me! I was so happy. So excited that I didn't even remember that I was sick..

Mom sat between us both, and placed her arms on our shoulders

"I love what I'm seeing, kids. I love this..We all.should live in love,.we all should be kind to our fellow humans no matter how they look. Big or small, tall or short, Everyone is equal before our maker. I love this!" She said and hugged us both. Joe smiled; I smiled too. His smile was so beautiful. I hadn't realized how cute of a young boy he was. The thing is, when someone is wicked, when I look at them, I do not see beauty no matter how beautiful they are. My mom is very beautiful, but if she were a wicked, termagant woman, I probably would see a monster in her face. That's how I've been wired. I see your heart before judging your look. I think that is how it should be, for everyone.

"Ariana, didn't you say he bullied you at school a lot?" Mom asked, shrieking with excitement. The turn out of events was shocking and impressive. I could see she was trying to take it all in. You need to see my mom's face whenever she's smiling and really happy; It's something that could make anyone go weak on their knees. It was so beautiful you'd wanna cry. Mom, my mom is a treasure. Beautiful in everything. If there was an afterlife, I wouldn't choose someone else to be my mother.. She was bright faced, she oozed loveliness and loveliness. If she was not perfect, then she was near perfect. Mom's only twenty five. She had a lot of future before her to hope for, but it could never be realized under Cameron's roof.

Don't let us divert. In my room there, Mom kept embracing both of us, like we were both her biological children. Well, I was, but Joe wasn't..

"Ariana, you didn't like him! What happened?" She asked with a big smile on her face. I was so happy. "Joe, what happened to you both?"

"Mom" i said. She sighed and turned to me. Joe just rubbed his fingers. He was now looking so sad.

"Mom, not anymore. I don't know how to explain it but Joe is a good boy" i said. I didn't know when those words escaped my lips. His hands were on his face now. He was crying again.. I had to pat him on the back to stop him from crying but he couldn't. It was so emotional. As I write this, the scene comes back to my mind and it's so sad. It's really sad; I can't delete the memory off my mind no matter how much therapy I get. Joe's a memory I would never forget.

"I'll leave you both for a while" Mom said, patting his back for a while, before leaving the room. "Have fun, sweet kids" she said and left. Soon, I could hear cutleries clanking. She was in the kitchen already. Mom never eavesdropped. She was just always minding her business. Such innocent and easygoing woman..

After a while, Joe stopped crying and began to apologise to me. "I'm so sorry, Ariana. Please forgive me" He was so sweet. I started to think maybe all the while he bullied me, he was under some influence.

"It's okay, Joe" I said, trying to smile. "It's okay. Really" he saw a scar on my ankle, it was a large burn that had healed. "What happened to you here?" He asked sincerely, touching it. Some tears were still on his face.

"The Fireplace Day, remember?" I asked, but when he still looked confused, I continued "Our school fireplace day, Joe. You put a burning wood on my ankle, asking me to burn some fat there, do you remember?" He nodded slowly and looked away. He looked at my portrait picture on the wall, the one I took on my sixth birthday. I was in a blue dress, with a little crown on my head, and all my teeth were out in a huge smile. I personally thought it was beautiful except that my cheeks were a little too chubby. He looked so hurt I wanted to just hug him. He must have so much on his mind , so much going on in his life, too much for a little child, just like I do have so much in my life.

"I'm so happy to see you" I said, trying to divert his attention back to the real me. "How did you get to know this place?" I asked. He told me that where I lived was a popular location in town, so it was easy to locate. I asked him if he was okay, and asked him if he had not been eating and why he disappeared for so long. He replied them all, told me that he had to stay away for a while because he fell sick, some two days after I kicked him, and that it was not because of the kicks.

"Ariana, I disobeyed the rules" he said. I wondered who had been taking care of him all the while. Such a little promising boy.

"I know. What's going to happen?" I asked worriedly.

"I don't know. I'm getting better. I've been in the hospital for four weeks. But last night, I left"

"You left? Did the doctor discharge you?"

"No. I left"

"But why? You need to be fine..."

"I wanted to see you. I feel bad for all I've done to you" he said, "I wanted to just get things clear between us"

"It's okay Joe. I forgive you" I said, and he smiled.

"Thank you" he said, and took my hands in his. He bore his eyes into mine like there was something deep we both shared. Yes, we were both kids but our realm was of the mature one. He stared closely, amd rubbed my fingers. My fingers started to tingle, and i started to feel heat crawling up my veins, the heat was both soothing and uncomfortable, like it both switched in between both. It was how I felt when he connected his soul to mine in the dark, cold underground room on the day I was kidnapped. I knew he wanted to say something to me without his lips moving, just like he had done in that eerie underground room. The trespassing. He wanted to do it again-reveal a secret to me. It was as if someone's reading your mind and you're reading theirs. It was heavenly, maybe spiritual is the word though. It was also really soothing. And it could only be broken by unlocking your fingers and breaking the eye contact you both shared.

I didn't want to hear anything sad. Because his face looked sad, so I disengaged from him. I blinked back some heat and went to the window for some fresh air.

"I want to ask you about Anita, I want..." I started to say, to distract him. No I actually needed to know

"She's gone" he mumbled. His voice was barely above a whisper, and I was shocked to hear him say that. "She's gone. To a better place" he said. "Don't worry about her. She's gone and will never come back"

I nodded slowly. "To a better place" calmed my nerves a bit. I kept nodding and turned back to look outside my window. Heat rushed to my eyes and I shut them for a while.

He came up to join me there at the window side and I wondered what bad news he wanted to tell me, or what secret he was about to leak.

"Joe, just say it to my face, then I'd be able to bear it better" I pleaded with him. He didn't answer me..he just took my hands again and looked into my eyes. I maintained eye contact with him for a while, and I started to bear him speak. Slowly. Like drops of oil in a empty, dry jar. His lips were not moving but I could hear him. After he was done, I just stood there and he broke the eye contact. It hurt because he did it really quickly but it didn't hurt as much as the revelation hurt. We stood two metres apart from each other in silence. I was trying to take it in, while he was trying not to say any more thing that would hurt. Somehow, it didn't shock me to hear him tell me that, maybe it was because I had felt it before. I had the feeling when he came in, even though I was so excited to see him, still I had the feeling that he had only come to say goodbye.