Life Being Nineteen and Still Single

I am laying down on my bed while listening to a romantic song while reading a romantic webtoon.

I am surrounded by love, starting from my hobbies of reading and listening to romantic songs, I am one of those people who build fandoms out of nowhere with posters on my bedroom walls.

Also, I create poems about love and songs.

I paint the couples.

I always quote romantic words in my posts.

The only problem is that...

I, myself, is single.

I never dated anyone in my past 19 years of living.

Why?

It's not because I can't.

I mean, guys do ask me out.

I just turn them down the moment they confess, yes. That fast.

But, hey, don't jump into conclusions and say that I am acting so rude or that I look at myself in a very high position.

It's just...

I don't want to.

I am... complicated.

"Jane, hun, can you help me in the kitchen?" My Mom said while peeking in the door.

I nodded and put away my tablet and stands up.

"You should do something productive during your semestral break," she said while scratching her back as we go downstairs.

"Mommmmm..." I drag my voice as I follow her, "I'm studying hard for almost.. uh, five months. At least let me do things I like for three weeks."

"Come on, at least like something that can help you. Like... studying foreign language instrument. Aren't you getting tired of using the keyboard?"

"What? No. What are we cooking?" I ask her as we enter the kitchen.

There are vegetables on the table, cookware, and spices.

"Well... since it's been raining for a while, why don't we make a soup, I thought. So... we're making a soup," Mom answered and went to wash her hand.

"Alright. Can I play something on Spotify?" I asked her and connected my phone to the speaker in the living room.

"Yeah, just pick something that I will enjoy."

I nodded and went to my Spotify account and picked a song.

"You love to sing this when I was a kid," I said as I hop to the kitchen.

"Yeah, I did. It was really catchy you know. You and Me... It's so sweet," she whispers as I take out a knife to cut the other vegetables.

I suddenly stopped and stared at her.

I know she still misses Dad, I do too.

But... she already accepted the fact that they are not for each other.

And that...

Is one of the reasons why I am single.

It's been five years since my parents divorced.

Honestly, it didn't hurt that much since I grew up with them living separately.

I'll not tell the whole story but let's just put it this way.

Even the love between married people... disappears.

So, what more to the person who you didn't even promised to love till death?

I sighed and cheerfully went to help her.

We laughed and enjoyed the time while cooking and even more so while eating together as we watch a romantic movie.

My mom used to hate my hobby but as she slowly heals, she slowly enjoyed romantic things.

We spent the whole day binge-watching movies and playing games.

We do this every time it's her day-off and if I don't have anything to do.

After dinner, my mom asked me to sleep with her in the living room to continue our movie marathon.

But as we get into the climax of this teen romance, she suddenly asked the question that I always avoid.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" She whispers while watching.

I looked at her surprised, the only light that helped me to see her is from the television since we already closed all the lights to seem like we're in a cinema.

"What?" I asked while looking at her.

"I'm just curious since you're all romance and love. It's fine if you do, just introduce him to me tomorrow, I don't care if it's raining. Take him here," she said as if I already said yes.

"No, I don't have one," I replied and went to look at the T.V.

"What? Why?" I can see that she looks at me in shock.

Her eyes are wide and her brows are furrowed.

"I just don't have one. I don't want one to be honest."

"Are you... into girls? Then, let me see her. Oh my... I wonder what she looks like..." She said in between giggles.

"I don't have anyone, Mom."

She suddenly sits and looks at me, "What? Why? You're missing out a lot in your young age!"

I rolled my eyes and turned around to avoid her gaze.

"I just don't want to be in a relationship," I answered and closed my eyes.

"Come on, is it because of the divorce? I'm telling you not every relationship wrecks. I just kind of... meet the wrong one."

I can hear the pain in her voice.

She knew that it somehow impacted me in a way.

"Mom, it's not because of the divorce," I lied, "I just can't handle another person," I confessed.

I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling.

She still sits on the floor while looking at me.

"I mean... I can't commit yet, Mom. You know how I get tired of things easily, right?"

"But you liked someone for seven years! It was just this year that you finally got over him."

I looked at her annoyed, how can she bring this topic in the right moment?

"Mom... That's also a reason. When I love, I really love. I mean... ugh!" I covered my face with the blanket, "I'm sleepy!"

She laughs, "I saw him the other day in the convenience store with his girlfriend. Of course, he didn't talk to me because he does not know me. But I know that face which made my baby cry," She teased as she pokes me.

"Stop," I said, "Goodnight. Turn the T.V. off when you're done watching."

"Come on, I'm telling you. It's fine if you have a lover. Just be sure to introduce them to me," She said and I can feel that she lays down beside me.

I just sighed and went to sleep.

The morning after, I woke up with a note in front of me.

"Hey, Baby. I went to work early. I don't want to wake you up. Here's the money if you want to go out. Just bring an umbrella, okay?"

I saw bills under beside the note.

She's always like this.

Living early.

Leaving money.

But I never go out.

I just save up the money to buy posters and albums and things that will feed my hobby.

I turn around and got blinded by the sunlight from the window.

"Ah, what a sunny day," I said and slowly gets up.

I took my phone and saw three messages from my one and only friend, Lucia.

Her messages are all about going out:

"Hey, mornin'! Wanna go out?"

"Janey Lady, let's go to the mall?"

"I'll be there at 10. See you!"

I sighed and got up, folded the sheets and took them back to the cabinet but suddenly I noticed the clock, it's already quarter to 10.

Lucia should be here within 15 minutes but I don't have the energy to go out.

I still have to finish the series of this show that I am watching.

I went to the kitchen and ate the breakfast Mom had prepared.

5 minutes before 10, I washed my plates and went to stare outside in the window.

The weather's nice.

It's been raining for straight three days and I kind of missed the sun and sky.

Maybe it's really good to go out for this day.

I suddenly saw Lucia standing at the gate, I waved at her and smiled before running to the door to open it for her.

"You still haven't changed yet?" She asks with a straight face while standing in front of the door.

"Well, I was not sure if I want to go out. And I woke up late. But don't worry, I'll just go take a quick shower and we'll go. I also want to buy new posters of My I.D. is Tokyo Beauty." I made a peace sign and l let her in.

She just pouts and went to sit on the couch, opened the T.V. and watch.

"If you want anything, just grab something in the fridge. I'll be quick," I said and run upstairs and hurriedly took a shower and changed.

I just put on skinny blue jeans and a shirt, took my sling bag and ran downstairs.

I saw Lucia eating yogurt while watching a DVD.

"Hey, let's go?" I asked while pointing at the door.

She looks at me and turned off the T.V.

"You know, you change quick. Like really. Well, you don't have to do a lot. You look good in simple clothes." Lucia said as I lock the door.

We walked our way to the mall since we're already in the city.

She asked me to go to the beauty shop first, "I might forget about my facial wash if we don't go there first," she said as our bags get checked in the entrance.

"Okay," I said as Lucia put her hands around my arms, "Then after that, we'll go to my Series Shop."

"Ugh, don't plan. We'll not enjoy this day if we plan things," Lucia said and pulled me to the left, "This way!"

There are not a lot of people since the mall just opened but as time passes by, the crowd gets heavier.

After buying the things we wanted, Lucia decided to grab some snack and we went inside an ice-cream shop.

"You haven't been too many shops, right?" Lucia asks while looking through the menu.

"Why go out when you have a lot of food in the house?" I said.

"Yeah, your kitchen's full! I mean, almost everything is in there."

I choose strawberry topped with choco banana ice cream while Lucia ordered a blueberry chocolate sundae.

We began eating them and talked about things, mostly about our instructors in our university.

"Yeah, that friend our English teacher brought was totally hot! Like, drop-dead handsome. He's only one year older than us, right?" Lucia asks.

I just look at her while trying to remember anyone hot that our instructor brought, I shake my head, "Can't remember."

Aside from not being interested in relationships, I am not also interested in people.

I might've thought that the person was hot but I'll later forget about them especially if I don't know them.

"Really? You were staring at him when he came to the class!" Lucia's eyes were wide, not believing in what I said.

"Yeah? I was? I can't remember," I said and continued eating.

But suddenly she froze while looking at my back.

She pats me with the spoon in her hand, making my arms have ice cream on them.

"Hey!" I said and pulled her hand away, but she didn't stop.

Her eyes are full of excitement and surprise.

I sighed and look at my back.

There are just a group of men sitting.

But as I look at their faces, I recognize someone.

"It's him!" Lucia screech.

"Yeah, it's him," I whispered.

How long has it been? Two years?

He didn't change.

He's still lively.

"I thought you don't remember?" Lucia asks.

I look at her, "What?"

"I thought you don't know the instructor's friend?"

"Why?"

"It's him! That guy beside the one wearing a black sweatshirt," Lucia pouted and gestures it to the guys' direction.

I look back, the one wearing black is Liam and the one beside him is... oh, yeah, he's hot.

His cold eyes, fair skin, eyebrows, dark hair... he looks like he has a chic personality.

I just nodded and went to look back at Lucia who's already looking head over heels.

"I'll talk to them," Lucia said and took her phone out of her bag.

"What?" I asked but she was just looking at the guy and went to them straight.

"Can I have your number?" I heard her ask.

I just look at her in disgust.

She's always like this whenever she sees a hot guy, but I think I will never get used to this.

I don't even know why an introvert like me became best buddies with an extrovert.

The guys look at her surprised but they later smiled and the two guys in front of Liam nodded.

The guy he's after rolled his eyes and ordered something to the waitress.

Liam smiled at Lucia but he didn't give his number.

As I stare at Lucia, I didn't notice that Liam is looking at me until I looked back at him.

He smiled at me and waved his hand.

I was surprised at first but I just smiled back.

The guys beside him looked at me coldly and looked back at Liam and then asks Lucia something.

Liam looks at the chic guy and nodded and smiled at Lucia while saying something.

Then the four guys stand us and walked towards our table with Lucia smiling widely.

"They'll sit with us, don't disagree, Liam already said you'll be fine with it," Lucia winked at me as she sits back.

Liam took another seat from another table while the others casually sit down.

"So, are you and Xan already dating?" Liam asks as he sits beside me.

I looked at him surprised, "What the fck?" I unconciously said, making Lucia almost spit the ice cream.

I don't curse but the way Liam casually asks me that question is very rude.

He knows how Xan treated me when he found out that I like him, of course, Liam's Xan's best friend. Xan's the seven-year crush of my sweet teen life.

Liam just stared at me, "Sorry if that offended you," he said.

"Well... why don't we introduce ourselves first? We all go to the same university so... I'm Lucia, biology department." Lucia smiled at them sweetly to break the awkwardness.

"I'm Frank, Chemistry Dept," the guy beside her said.

"I'm James, Chemistry Dept," the guy with hazel eyes said.

"I'm Vrenette, Vren for short," the guy that Lucia's into said coldly.

He's really chic.

How could he not smile while introducing himself?

"I'm Liam! From the criminology department, nice to meet you, Lucia," Liam said with a bright smile.

I just sighed, I hate introductions.

Everyone's looking at me and I hate it.

"Jane. Biology department," I said and went to take a bite of my ice cream.

Lucia looks at me annoyingly and texted me while the guys receive their orders.

"He's into you, don't be rude!" Lucia said.

I looked at her and replied, "What? Who?"

My heart started pounding, I don't like this.

I don't like it when I learn this kind of things.

I hate it.

I hate myself.

I hate myself for not feeling the normal emotion of being excited when someone likes me.

I want to hide away from that person.

"Secret... Just be chill," Lucia replied.

"What the hell?" I whispered.

Lucia and the others started talking about school and class while I just listen to them in chaos.

Who is it?

I really can't think of who.

No one will like someone at first glance.

No. I shouldn't be anxious.

Be chill.

Act normal.

But goodness, I've never been in this kind of situation.

I hate new people.

I hate going out.

I hate talking.

I hate socializing.

"Hey, you okay?" Liam asks. "Your hands are trembling. Are you okay?"

He looks at me worriedly, of course, he knows me.

"No," I whispered and smiled.

He looks at the guys, "Jane and I are going to grab some bread, you guys like ice cream with bread too, right?" He said.

I look at him, "What?"

"Let's go. Lucia, you're okay with them, right?" He asks as he stands up.

"Yeah, go," Lucia smiled at me.

She also knows that I hate this, but she's occupied with socializing, something that suffocates me.

I stand up and followed Liam outside.

"Don't be nervous whenever someone new arrives, that'll ruin your relationships," Liam said as we walk towards a bakery.

"What can I do? I'm always like this," I answered.

"Sorry if I asked you something like that earlier. I just wanted to annoy you," Liam opened the door in the bakery for me.

"Thanks, no problem. I was just shocked. I never really heard his name for a while, so it kind of pissed me off. No worries," I said as I look around.

"Yeah... The things he did leave you irritated by him. Anyways, how are you?"

"I'm doing great. I am studying to be a doctor and I am still a socially awkward introvert," I answered and laughs.

"Well, as for me, I'm still the same old annoying jokester. But I promise I am going to be a policeman someday," Liam took a loaf bread and went to pay it.

"Do you want to share for the payment?" I asked as I take out my wallet.

"No," He waves his hand, "It's on me. By the way, I have a question. You have the right to not answer, but..."

I look at him while raising both of my eyebrows.

"What do you like in a guy?" He asks while taking the paper bag.

The cashier tries to not smile with what Liam asked.

I suddenly felt embarrassed and walks towards the door, "Let's get going, they might be looking for us."

Liam just followed me quietly behind.

What is happening?

Why is he asking me that question?

Ugh, I should've just stayed in the house.