508. The Interview ~Just An Interview~

Miguel sat on his throne while two lawyers spoke for their clients. He leans his cheek on his fist.

"It is stated by law that this lecherous swine had violated the very right of the 36th Commandment. The right to pray to their version of God and to practice their religion."

Miguel sighs. "Dude..." he facepalmed. "For the last time... Dreamsexuality is not a religion. It is a mockery of the Abrahamic and Spiritual religions and it is practically a cult. You're not being prosecuted for having a 'religion.' You're being prosecuted because you cyberbullied that poor woman for being straight which is a violation of the SOGIE+++ Law, which states that 'Discrimination against all genders, including straights, is in direct violation of the 11th Commandment, where all men and women, Human and Sentient, Earthly and Alien, Divine and Not, Unholy and Sacred, must be given respect.' Originally, you went for Dreamsexuality being a gender, but loving someone... a real person... like a crazed creep and claiming Dreamsexuality to be a religion is not only a sin, but it's a crime and is a variation of our nation's understanding for Stalking. Your practice includes orgies and praying to Dream as your main Commandments. That's a fucking sex cult. So, your punishment is that you'll be staying in the Ranch for community service."

"NO!!! NO!!!" sobbed the woman.

"It's just five hours!" yelled Miguel. "Dude...! Chill!"

Meanwhile...

Lois Lane speaks to the audience. "New Israel is currently seeing a crisis amongst people. Should the new heiresses be Hell-Bloods?"

"NO TO DEMONS!!! NO TO DEMONS!!! NO TO DEMONS!!!" yelled the rioters.

A man is interviewed by the reporter. "I've been a Christian my entire life. And the idea that the Messiah fell for a Succubus is fucking disgusting. And that now we have to bow to two Succubi. I grew up as a Christian. I'm pretty damned sure that this isn't what we learned from our schools."

"'Pilipino daw! 'Di pa marunong mag Tagalog! (Filipino, he says. Doesn't know how to speak tagalog!)" yelled another.

"Many people in New Israel said that they accept their leader, just not his wife or his family... Others have denied his rule but continue to have freedom in his Kingdom," narrated Lois.

"Are you kidding me!?" asked the old woman. "I was that man's religion teacher! And he had sex with THAT MUTT!?!? Clearly, there's something wrong with him! All Demons are automatic unsacred heathens! And this guy!? He's a joke! He never attended our Sunday Masses like a GOOD CHRISTIAN AND A MORAL STUDENT IN OUR CATHOLIC SCHOOL!!! Santo Lorenzo Ruiz University deserves more credit that at least he's not going around having sex with lecherous prostitutes!!! He didn't even perfect his Religion Classes! He is a dolt and an idiot at best! He doesn't deserve to be King!"

"This begs the question. Do Demons have rights in the Heavenly New World?" asked Lois. "Should Miguel ascend and leave the throne to his two children?"

"Of course, not!" yelled the man. "I don't care if their excuse is that they were born in Hell! They're from Hell! They should stay down there! The other one isn't even his own kid! Cuck bastard! Why didn't someone like *BLEEP!!!* from our school become the Messiah? He was talented and he was a Mass Minister! Top 1 Student! And he was popular and everyone respected him because he was a good leader! He deserves that place! Not this loser!"

"Many Demons have rioted back, saying that now that the heiresses have been outted as Hell-Bloods, they now have a place in Heaven and is considered the possibility of redemption," narrated Lois.

"We deserve respect! We deserve respect! We deserve respect!" yelled the Demons inhabiting Earth-777.

"GO TO HELL, HEATHEN!!!" yelled one in the crowd.

"YOU DESERVE TO STAY IN YOUR PLACE!!!" yelled another.

"The controversy worsened in the interview yesterday..." said Lois.

"So!" asked the interviewer. "Hi! Remember me? From school?"

Miguel smiles. "No... No, I do not. Heheh!"

"Dude... I was the President of the school council..."

Miguel looks up. "Who...?"

"Adam Gonzales...?" he smiled with a handsome look.

Miguel chuckles softly. "S-Sorry... I really don't know."

"(Probably the reason why you suck at your job...)"

"Uh... Okay...? Heheh!"

"So... Uh... What's up with your prostitute wife...?"

The audience laughs.

"Twistus Testiclus," said Miguel, frowning.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" yelled Adam, falling face-first as his testicles twisted.

"People are saying that the reaction was unnecessary. People say that Miguel overreacted on that joke," said Miguel.

"He's worse than Will Smith," chuckled Adam.

"Ibarra, however, did respond to the allegations," narrated Lois.

"My response is that I will not be responding to these allegations," said Miguel. "Because what I did  was well deserved."

"That makes the nation wonder... Will Miguel the Undeserving enter the interview tomorrow to answer the nation's most important questions...?" asked Lois.

Tomorrow...

"I'm a real King... I'm a real King... I'm a real King... I'm a real King... I'm a real King... I'm a real King... I'm a real King... I'm a real King..." Miguel kept slamming his head on the steering wheel.

"Gabby and Anne are taking care of Raffy," said Annalisa, entering the car. "You okay...?"

"No... What do you think...? The world thinks I'm a joke..." said Miguel.

"Well, we don't, Miguel!" smiled Luz, who is in the back seat.

Amity is reading the newest Azura book in the backseat, but Luz elbows her. "RIGHT!!! Yeah! We believe in you, Master!"

Miguel sighs softly. "Ugh..."

"Take a positive mindset!" smiled Annalisa.

"I'm trying... But that guy's sign against all 'Homos' is pissing me off..." Miguel looks outside and the neighbor flips him off.

Miguel rolls his eyes and slams his head on the steering wheel.

"JB deserves to be the Messiah! Not you!" yelled the neighbor.

"SHUT IT, DONNY!!!" yelled Annalisa.

"Fuck you, bitch! I had sex with you when he was gone!"

"YEAH!!! AND HE DOES ME BETTER THAN YOUR TINY PRICK EVER WILL!!!"

"O-... Okay... *sniff...*"

"Sorry, Don! Nice garden ducks!"

"Y-Yeah...! I'll just... go..."

"Why'd you used to cheat on him all the time...?" asked Luz.

"I'm half-Succubus. It's kind of a medical condition that I need to feast on the act of reproduction or I die... and Miguel wasn't around... Also, I require variety... These meds dampen that need," Annalisa shows her jar of pills. "I promised him that I would never cheat again."

"Isn't cheating... despicable and unforgivable...?" asked Amity.

"Not exactly," said Miguel. "Older people tend to look past those kinds of things... But they do feel hurt and betrayed each time they do it."

"It stings. Yes. But we could always make it work with a little effort and communication," said Annalisa.

The car drives off into the road with people flipping Miguel off, but others yell out to support him.

"I'm... sorry about what my Mom said about you... If I knew she told you that, I would've followed you straight home!"

"Pun intended?" yelled Miguel, in the background.

"Shut it, Miguel," said Amity.

"Ow kay!" yelled Miguel.

The car begins to fly upward.

"No... It's... okay..." Luz looks outside.

Amity's eyebrows lift up, showing a worried look.

"Alright... we're here," said Miguel.

Everyone goes outside of the car and sees the building where the interview will be taken place in.

"Hopefully, the interviewer wouldn't jab at my personal life," said Miguel. "I just want a regular interview! Please! Not just some handsome light-skinned celebrity who was designated as my interviewer because he's bitter about something I did in the past..."

"Don't worry!" smiled Annalisa. "They won't!"

"Why do they all do that in Maharlica...?" asked Luz.

"Anti-Filipino sentiment because of weak anti-racism laws. I made the laws, but many law enforcers prefer to not enforce the laws in the first place. The reason is that people are allowed to immigrate pretty much anywhere, so racism is rampant because of constant culture shocks," said Annalisa.

The group entered the studio... which was set like a theater... Miguel, upon seeing this, shakes his head in disappointment.

He walked up the stage as his allies sat down. He sat down on the couch as the people waited for the host.

Miguel smelled the couch and recognized that it's been stunk up by someone on purpose. It smells like a smelly rotten fish.

The host appeared a few minutes late and sat down next to Miguel at the table while Miguel sat on a couch.

Mind you, the following conversation is in Tagalog and English, so I translate a lot from here on.

"Magandang umaga sa ating lahat! Ako ay si JB Magnus at welcome to our show for today! (Good morning, everybody! I am JB Magnus and welcome to our show for today!)"

"Hello... I am Miguel," said Miguel.

The audience laughs.

"A! Miguel! Kamusta na, kaibigan!? (Ah! Miguel! How are you, old friend?)"

"Good..."

"Uy! Bakit 'di ka nagTatagalog, ha...? *in a British accent that just sounds like a terrible Elvis accent* Speak your native tongue, sir! (Hey! Why aren't you speaking Tagalog, huh? Speak your native tongue, sir!)"

The audience laughs.

"Heheh! No, thank you!" chuckled Miguel.

The people groan at Miguel.

"Ngayon, napapansin nating mga kaibigan na si Miguel Ibarra ay isang Messiah, no...? Pero, maraming galit sa kanya! Bakit!? Siguro masasabi mo naman kung bakit, no? Talino mo kasi, Inglisero. (Now, we notice that our friend here, Miguel Ibarra, is a Messiah, right? But many are angry at him! You could probably tell us why, right? You're so smart, English-Speaker!)Just kidding! Just kidding!"

"Heheh..." Miguel softly chuckled. "First of all, yes. I can tell why. It's because people are angry to see that my family are demons... They're also angry that I don't speak Tagalog very well... And I wasn't the morally best and most talented student in the school. Others thought that I wasn't fitting for the job because of my lecherous wild ass sex with my partner, who I love dearly."

People in the audience roll their eyes at that statement.

"And, secondly, no... I am not very smart. I just speak English a lot because I was raised by Television. You see, my family never bothered to teach me their language, so I didn't talk a lot as a child. I learned to speak by watching cartoons with my Dad."

People in the audience start murmuring to each other.

"A... So... Para kang nerd...? No...? (Oh! So, you're like a nerd, huh...?)" asked JB.

The audience laughs.

Miguel calmly smiled and nodded. "Yes, I am."

"Loser! Parang ganun...? (A loser! Like that...?)" asked JB.

The audience laughs.

"You could classify me as that when I was younger... But I accomplished far more than any of you ever did for you to even dare to call me that," smiled Miguel.

The audience sarcastically said, "Oh!" and clapped for him sarcastically, thinking that he was being arrogant.

"Hahaha! Yabang mo, a? (Hahaha! So arrogant, huh?)" laughed JB.

"Yeah... I am so arrogant for standing up for myself. Because that's what people like to call people who they like putting down, right? Especially when they finally speak up. Crab mentality. A disgusting trait of my people."

"'Your people,' ng 'Your people,' ka diyan! 'Di ka nag Tatagalog ('Your people!?' You don't speak Tagalog!)" yelled a man in the audience.

"I speak it. I just don't like using it as my mother tongue," said Miguel. "Tell me. Do you even know what 'Salipawpaw' means...? Anyone in the audience...?"

The audience stays silent.

Miguel smiles. "The word means 'Airplane.' No, I didn't make that up. It's a very old Tagalog word for airplane. It's a shortened term for, 'sasakyang lumilipad sa himpapawid' or 'a vehicle flying in the sky.' I learned that not from school but by spending 30 years in American-Colonized Philippines around my 1000s. There, I experienced the racism the Filipinos received without them knowing or understanding what their colonizers were saying, because they made sure that we didn't understand what they were saying, not knowing that I did."

"Okay! Nice History Lesson, there, sir!" smiled JB.

The audience laughs.

"Anyway... Bakit ka pa ba pinapagalitan ng buong mundo...? (Anyway, why is the whole world mad at you...?)" asked JB.

"I believe not. I believe that that's not true. I just believe that the media is doing that so that I'd look like the bad guy. Why? Because I gave them the freedom to write those about me. It's a paradox that I gave them that freedom so that they won't do those articles. But in the end, they did. Brutally, even. They did it to hurt me."

"Bakit!? Bakit, sir!? (Why!? Why sir!?)" asked JB.

"Simple things, really... One reason is that I'm not straight. I'm... biromantic and I'm asexual... Which I learned recently."

"Speaking of not... capable of doing it because of how you identify yourself as... Does this connect to the allegations of you letting... your wife cheat on you...? You are free to answer or not."

"No and no. I do have sex with my wife now. But yes, that is very personal. But I will say that that's not the reason I let her cheat on me. I did it because she's a Succubus. Succubi tend to not only desire, but they need to have sex. And I couldn't do that for her. But I do now because I love her."

"'Di ba reason 'yun...? (That's a reason, right?)" asked JB. "Demonya siya? (She's a Demon?)"

"Not all Demons are... evil, JB. Some are born in Hell, which they didn't choose. God didn't either. They just... existed when they weren't supposed to. They aren't heathens. They're just people from another place that we, the natives here, don't understand. Hellborns, Succubi, and Imps are actually people that we should learn to respect."

"But our religion tells us that they're evil, sir!"

"First of all, no... Our religion tells us that God created a reality of order... and order is good. But then the first Demons came. The rebels and snakes of the Heavens were told to dwell back in the damp cold soil. And they want to ruin the good world for their own good."

"Oh! So... Snakes are evil...?"

The audience laughs.

"Not necessarily," said Miguel. "Snakes in the Bible are Seraphims that are angels in the form of a snake. One rebelled and betrayed God. There are bad ones, but there are people who wish to return to God. I truly believe in their redemption because they were born with mortal sin in their blood... and they didn't deserve their fates."

"Kaya, masasave mo sila...? (So, you can save them...?)" he smiled, sarcastically.

"Yes. I believe in goodness. I don't care how many ships I'll sail in the fires of Hell or how many times I'll burn when I get caught in its flames. I'll save them. Because that is my mission."

"You really like your mission, huh...?"

"No. No, I don't."

"Then why don't you give it to... I don't know! Someone like me...? Haha!"

"Believe me. I wish you could. But I can't."

"Bakit ikaw...? (Why you...?)"

"I don't know..." said Miguel, with teary eyes. "I never wanted this... I only wished to be respected and accepted by the people around me... For people to stop testing and making fun of me. To not judge me... And right now, you all are... Everyone in this theatre was handpicked by the media because they all have strong opinions against me... and the person who is interviewing me was one of the popular kids in my class who used to make fun of me and assert his... dominance... by acting all friendly and kind to me when girls were around but he treated me like trash when we were alone... he used to make me do his homework and would throw basketballs on my head until I tripped... whistling in my ear until my ears rang... I just wanted to be left alone... And I'm here to be bullied in front of the whole country."

"Nice speech. How about let's go back to the fact that you killed Tyrone." JB sneered. "And you got away with it."

"I didn't..."

"You dragged his body around your neighborhood. His family was so heartbroken..."

"My ally killed him... And no they weren't."

"Because you told him to kill Tyrone."

"He was beating the person I love... And tried to kill her... What was I supposed to do...? It was self-defense..."

"And you desecrated his body. Isn't it that the body is the temple of God...?"

"There was nothing sacred about that man..."

"Ah! Akala ko lahat ay may chance? (Ah! I thought everyone has a change?)" sneered JB.

"Everyone does. But there are people who deserve to stay there for a long, long time."

"And that's what's wrong with you, Miguel! You're a hypocrite! Why can't you be perfect like any of us...? You're just a nobody NEET creep who didn't do that well in school. A social island. A nobody! A piece of shit! You're nothing, Ibarra! You were racist when you were a kid!"

"Because people were racist to me for having dark skin..."

"Excuses...? Wow... Miguel! You didn't go to any Mass once! And when they did force us to go to weekly Mass, you'd ignore Sir Father!"

"Because those Masses go against the idea of religious freedom."

"Who are you, Ibarra...? What makes you SO important...!?"

"Yeah!" yelled one in the audience.

"Get off the stage!" yelled another.

"You're a horrible leader!" yelled yet another. "HOMO!!!"

"This isn't an interview!" Luz covers her mouth.

"Cameras... turn to that girl over there... There... That one..." said JB. "Speak up, little girl. I take it that you're a foreigner?"

"This... this isn't an interview! You just called Miguel here to ruin who he is! To show the world that he's the bad guy for ratings! Or... views, or a boost in the algorithm... or whatever..."

"That's not true."

"Just because you have the freedom to make fun of Miguel..." said Annalisa. "...doesn't mean you should do it. You have no idea of how much pain he's endured just to save you, idiots."

"Are you kidding me!? He hid for ten years!"

"So that MABUS won't genocide the planet," said Annalisa. "He died over and over again just so that we could live the most normal life in the apocalypse... He let us crucify him! He let us flip him off every day while he's going to his castle while he's in his car. He let us bully him like this...! All while saving the world... No... Maharlica! He saved Maharlica over and over! And you treat him like this! How ungrateful and selfish you people are! If you guys did this to Miguel JoJo as well, you people are hopeless!"

"Quiet, slut!" yelled a person in the audience.

"Hey! She might've cheated, but they're making it work because they actually love each other! If you think that hurting the person you love can be undone by leaving that person, that's wrong! Why? Because relationships are about communication, jackass! Not just whining and sulking!" yelled Amity. "So, sit your ass down!"

Luz sighs. "Y-Yeah! It is about communication... And... I'm sorry..." she smiled at Amity. "I did... have a problem that night. And I want to talk to you about it..."

Amity smiles softly.

"Boo! Get that gay off the stage!" yelled a woman.

"Oozus Ovarus," said Amity, shooting a magical blast at the woman.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" yelled the woman, falling down on her chair.

"Yeah... I don't need this. I... have people that care about me," said Miguel, slowly standing up. He opens a portal in front of Annalisa, Luz, and Amity's seats. He lastly opens one for himself.

"See ya, doofuses," smiled Miguel, flipping off the camera and the entire audience as well as JB, as he walks into the portal.

JB kept on laughing. "Inglesero..."

Everyone laughs.

Miguel's hand pops out of the portal. "Reproductus Organus Roastus..."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!"

Later... that night...

"Yo, Dude!" smiled Anne Boonchuy, knocking on the library's open door.

Miguel can be seen jotting down stuff in his journal. "What is it, Boonchuy?"

"We have a surprise for you...! Hihihihihi!"

Miguel rolls his eyes and walks downstairs.

"Tada!" yelled Annalisa, Luz, Amity, Gabby, and Anne Boonchuy, as he sees a camera set up in the center of the living room like a little studio with lights on the chair and the couch.

"What is all this...?" smirked and chuckled Miguel.

"You said you always wanted a normal interview..." said Luz, holding a notebook. "So... We set you up with some really good questions!"

"Can I see that...?"

Luz hands him the notebook and he reads it.

"'What's your favorite dinner?' 'What do you love about New Israel...?' 'Who did you have a crush on in High School...?' 'Who's your favorite YouTuber...?' 'What was the very best experience you had during your time away from the timeline.' Wow... This is... normal..."

Everyone's smile disappears.

"Do you not like it?" asked Luz. "We could change-..."

"I love it..." smiled Miguel. 

"It was Luz's idea..." said Annalisa.

Amity gently pushes Luz toward Miguel.

"Yeah... I kinda decided that the way they treated you was really... crappy... So... We made this...!" said Luz.

"Thanks, Luz..." Miguel smiles and pats her head.

Annalisa, Gabby, and Amity pout while they watch him pat their heads.

Miguel rolls his eyes. "Fine! Head pats for everyone! C'mere!"

The three women are all given head pats by Ibarra.

"You guys are weird..." said Anne Boonchuy, who is secretly recording this with her blue kitty phone live while several people from all over Maharlica give likes and nice comments about the wholesomeness of the situation.

Miguel smiles and nods at Anne, who smiles and nods back in respect.

Extra:

"Well...?" asked someone on the phone.

"Yeah, yeah! They love him more, now..." said JB.

"Yeah... Because you're an idiot... Lemme show you what happens to those who cross me..."

"What...?"

"I have no desire to keep a traitorous embarrassment in that world of yours. You have fallen from what little grace you had, and I know you'll pay for it," said the female British voice.

"What the hell do you-...?" Suddenly, JB implodes into Hell Fire, guts, and blood.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" cackled the voice in the phone. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Dov opylk QI?