12 Growing Addicted to Him
[ Chapter 82 ]
As the soft, velvety curtains swayed gently with the ocean breeze, a picturesque scene unfolded: A man and a woman embraced the inviting atmosphere of the yacht's bar. The dim, flickering light of the chandelier above cast a warm, golden glow upon them.
The man, clad in a sleek black suit that hugged his sexy form with tailored elegance, exuded an air of suave sophistication. His dark eyes, smoldering with an intensity that seemed to mirror the depths of the night sky, met the woman's gaze with gentleness
The woman, resplendent in a gown of royal violet, exuded an aura of irresistible allure. The satin fabric draped gracefully over her form, catching the soft light in a shimmering dance of elegance. Delicate lace accents added a touch of femininity, accentuating her exquisite charm.
As they sat facing each other across the polished glass bar, the atmosphere was filled with a sense of quiet serenity. The soft melody of jazz music filled the air, mingling with the soothing sound of waves lapping against the hull of the yacht.
As they began, Cassandra had her gaze fixed on the first question that appeared, while Julian turned to look at her with a glint in his eyes. The way they sat was quite close, where he could hold her hands if he wished to.
The glow on Julian's tablet signaled his turn to ask first. With a casual yet subtle demeanor, he leaned forward slightly, his gaze penetrating yet soft. "What was your first impression of me?" he inquired, his voice laced with genuine curiosity.
When their eyes met, he added, "Truth, I would love to hear all the truth tonight, Cass."
Cassandra fell silent as she beheld him, the gentle light casting a glow over his charming features. The magnetic pull of his captivating black eyes, the devilish allure of his smile, and the heart-stirring curves of his lips. His face, once entirely foreign to her, now offered a comforting sense of familiarity.
It had been nearly a year since they had been complete strangers. As she pondered the question, it reminded her that it had been more than eight months since their first meeting. Though seemingly brief, much had transpired between them, and a lot had changed since then.
If one had asked Cassandra Qin a year ago whether she could imagine herself entering into her second relationship, with a much younger man at that, she would have simply laughed it off. The Cassandra from a year ago would have deemed the notion of her current self utterly ridiculous and inconceivable.
A heart speaks a language unknown to logic, indeed—a fitting line for what happened to her.
Her eyelashes lowered slightly. Their shared memories flooded back like a vivid flashback. From complete strangers to acquaintances with something stirring between them, to now sharing a relationship, it all felt quite novel to her.
If she were to delve into the depths of her heart, she wasn't entirely sure where her decision would lead them. Somewhere deep within, a whisper of regret echoed. However, she was grateful to have met him.
Then, as her thoughts returned to the question, Cassandra's gaze drifted downward, as it reminded her of something. Their first encounter certainly wasn't something she would hold dearly; in fact, it was quite the opposite. It was the most embarrassing and shameful memory she had.
Cassandra wasn't one to regret things, but this memory was something she wished to forget. In the days that followed that awful night, she found herself consumed by regret and devastating embarrassment. It definitely wasn't one of her cherished memories.
Given her background and character, she held herself to the highest standards of propriety. Yet, she had slept with a man on their very first encounter. At first, she convinced herself of being okay with it, while deep within, she grappled with a profound sense of shame.
It was fundamentally different between sharing skinship intimacy with a stranger and with her own lover, even if they were the same man. If she could, she wished they had met under different circumstances.
At that time, Cassandra had spent sleepless nights, uncomfortably bothered by the events that had happened between her and the charming stranger, whom she later discovered to be Julian Long. The depth of her distress was unfathomable. It left her with a shameful stain on her otherwise proud self.
Fate weaves its own narrative, indeed. It was very fortunate that the wickedly hot stranger she had shared a night with had now become her lover. She was grateful that he had made amends by showing her the much-needed respect prior to their established companionship.
While she fell into the memory, a beautiful frown appeared on her pretty face, making Julian wonder what was going on in that lovely head of hers. ''I hope I didn't leave a bad impression," he said lightly, "or did I perhaps?"
Cassandra threw a look at him with a slightly annoyed frown. "You did," she told him. "Insufferably arrogant, a womanizer of the lowest sort, and definitely not a good man I wish to interact with. Such were my first perceptions of you."
Now, at this moment, Julian widened his eyes, a fleeting pained look flickering across his face. "Why did you think of me that way?" he responded, sadly.
Following which, he asked, "Why did you do me at our very first encounter then?"
Cassandra met his exaggeratedly pained expression, pursed her lips, then spoke casually, "But you did look very fine."
A fleeting silence passed between them, then he chuckled.
As superficial as it may sound, it's the truth, almost an understatement at that. If it weren't for the fact that he matched her aesthetic preferences, being quite literally the most physically attractive man she had ever seen, there would have been no chance of him entering her life.
Men were visual animals, while some women were even more so in this regard, and Cassandra fell into the category of these women.
Good looking men were countless; she had encountered the most attractive among them. Yet, there was something about Julian that she found it hard to resist. His sinfully charming eyes managed to stir something within her otherwise cold heart.
However, all in all, physical allure was but a visual indulgence, a feast for the eyes. What kept her heart enamored was him as the man he was.
Cassandra continued, "I can't say that you left me with a good first impression. At least, you would have given me a better impression if you had shown a bit of resistance to my invitation."
Julian gave her a theatrical roll of his eyes, in complete disagreement. "Did you truly expect that of me? I can resist any woman, but definitely not a lady surnamed Qin. How could I possibly resist such a famously known feminine beauty, even if I wished to?"
Cassandra was speechless, but then something caught her attention. "You did know me. Have we met somewhere before?"
They had never engaged in such a conversation before. Cassandra wasn't one to pry into his affairs unless he shared them. Thus far, she had never asked him this question.
Julian's gaze held a silent mystery, leaving her to ponder what secrets lurked behind those dark eyes of his. Instead of answering her, he merely reminded, "Your turn."
Cassandra curled her red lips, and asked, "What was your first impression of me?"
"Your first impression remains vivid in my memory," Julian replied after a moment. "As beautiful as a charming red rose, and as lovely as a moonlit repose."
"I had no other thought at that moment; I simply found her to be very beautiful as a lady, not just superficially, but in the way she carried herself." He lowered his gaze, with a very rare look of embarrassment. "There's always a first that we cannot describe, but I admire her."
Cassandra was a bit taken aback; she wished she could revel in his rare embarrassed look, a rarity to witness, but she just couldn't. Instead, she was simply confused. Such an impression wasn't something she left him from that night.
Julian once again met her gaze. "We met sixteen years ago."
Cassandra did have this hazy memory, and now, as he reminded her, she somehow recalled an event from years ago. It was a distant memory, but she indeed had met him. To be exact, whom she had encountered was a spirited and boyish youth of nine or something years old.
However, before she could cast him a strange look, he explained himself, "Please don't misunderstand. I wasn't even a man when I first met you. I couldn't see you in that light. I just admire you; you've left me with a very favorable impression."
Although he had explained himself, Cassandra still couldn't help but look at him strangely. It wasn't something nice to imagine if someone had harbored such an obsession over her since such a young age, to say the least.
Julian felt exasperated by the way she looked at him and continued, "I didn't entertain any of the thoughts you're imagining. Can't I just admire someone?"
"Why did you admire me? What was it about me that made such a kid admire me?" she asked.
Cassandra believed that sixteen years ago, she wasn't someone worth to remember. She was simply a young housewife and a happy mother. The Cassandra Qin that everyone came to know only emerged years later as she rediscovered her zest for life and built her business from the ground up.
Julian gave a light shrug. "Can't explain."
"Other than me being good looking, what did you see in me?" she asked. Cassandra was self-conscious of her appearance. She wasn't superficial, but she had always been the most attractive one around throughout her life.
Julian admitted, "Yes, you are very beautiful. We have met a couple of times; you just didn't see me. But you can't put it that way. There was something about you that I can't put into words. Let's say that the way you carried yourself was very exquisite; you have just this grace and nobility that I find novel."
"You were just a naughty kid then?" she concluded.
Julian gritted out, "I was not just being superficial. I couldn't look at you that way back then. Everyone has someone they admire, and you are more than just a visual beauty. I just admire a lady that you were. The persona you gave off was something I remembered."
"You just contradict yourself," she responded, though she understood him—a pure admiration. Just like her, she had someone to admire for their kindness or accomplishments. He admired her persona, seeing her as the picture of the ideal lady he perceived.
It's quite strange to explain. Let's put it this way: a pianist is admired for her artistry, a doctor for her noble heart, and Cassandra was admired because she was seen by him as a feminine perfection.
Cassandra couldn't say that she felt good knowing his memory of her. Any sane woman wouldn't find it pleasant to know that a kid had been enamored with them. However, she understood what he was trying to convey; it wasn't an obsession he had felt for her, but rather a genuine sense of admiration.
"Then tell me, when did you develop unhealthy thoughts of me?" she inquired, looking straight into his eyes.
"I didn't," Julian answered. "I admired you, and as I turned into a man, I envisioned you as my ideal. But that's all it was never an obsession. After what happened that year, I never saw you again."
Cassandra couldn't be sure whether to believe him, but she didn't oppose this revelation as she had initially thought. "So you're telling me I was your first crush?"
Julian leaned forward, his gaze fixated on her with smoldering intensity yet remained soft. "You could say that, and I have never felt this way with any other."
In her shoes, any woman would have swooned; the mere whisper of his words would have set their hearts aflutter. When a man as fine as Julian Long said she was his one and only crush, it wielded a dangerously magnetic pull. However, Cassandra remained unmoved and wasn't swayed by him.
"Why only me? Haven't you met many women?" she asked simply.
Julian leaned back and answered, "I wonder why as well."
Reflecting on it, after the events of ten years ago, Julian found himself unable to view any woman in the same light. He guessed that Cassandra was his first and only dear memory he had of a woman. Matters of the heart remained a mystery. He was just that affected by his father's past.
"Why have you never told me this before?" she continued.
Julian sighed and explained, "What I felt for you belongs to the past. You were my perfect picture of a woman, but it didn't mean I needed to have you then. The emotions of my immature self hold no weight in the present."
Cassandra narrowed her eyes and questioned, "So, you're telling me you had no idea about your ideal woman? Was our first meeting just a coincidence, or?"
"What do you think?" he responded, showing nothing that she could discern.
Cassandra frowned; sometimes she couldn't really understand him.
"Very well, I'll tell you," he said, a devilish smile dancing across his lips. "Being with you was like a sweet dream, but that's all it was. I really didn't have any idea about you. My emotions remained the same, always had been. I had no desire to let any woman confuse me."
"However, it's one thing if we had never been together, but what happened between us that night was another. When you allowed me into your life, you completely changed what I feel for you. My once admiration turned into a complete obsession where I will stop at nothing to have you."
"I confess that our first meeting wasn't a coincidence. I had known you and wanted to know more of you. I would have stopped if you had rejected me that night. However, it's too late for regrets now. After having you once, there's no way I could stop myself from craving you more and more."
At that precise moment, Julian unveiled himself, his eyes displaying a dark intensity of maddening desire, baring the depths of the sickening infatuation and obsession he harbored for Cassandra without a shred of decency.
Julian chuckled darkly. "Ever since our first time together, you've had no inkling of the depth of this madness I harbor for you. This craving and obsession consumes me with every passing second. It's great that I barely managed to restrain myself before you accepted me."
"I have never been this obsessed. You better not know what I had always thought about you," his voice slightly raised as his breath shortened. "Never did I imagine myself this consumed by someone. I don't know what's happening to me, and you may not want to find out."
A glaring red flag—what he divulged was undeniably alarming for any woman, and definitely so for the object of his obsession. A man this insane could do anything, letting his maddening obsession take over any shred of sanity he had.
However, it's unexpected that Cassandra, the woman in question, remained calm. She waited patiently until he finished his confession. What she thought at this moment remains unknown. Then, complete silence ensued between them.
"Do you remember what I made you promise me?" A pleasant voice fell over, along with the gentle hush of the night ocean breeze.
Julian closed his eyes, then reopened them. The once-consuming madness within those pitch-black eyes now returned to crystal clarity. His breathing softened as he calmed down, presenting a stark contrast to what he had shown just a moment ago.
"Yes," he answered.
"I hope you won't regret it," she said.
"I won't," he responded.
"That's enough," she nodded.
After a moment's pause, Cassandra voiced her thoughts. "What a sick, vile scum you are, you know that."
"Do you regret it?" Julian met her indifferent gaze calmly. "You're trapped with me now."
Cassandra gave a light shake of her head. This twisted Julian was not entirely foreign to her. She was just a bit flabbergasted to discover that his obsession with her had spanned from his youth. There was something very sick about him.
However, what else could she do? Cassandra had long accepted him just the way he was.
"Let's move on to the next question," he smiled.
It's just another chapter of their interaction; Cassandra was very used to him. Hence, they continued where they had left off. It's as though the man she was now dating was a suave and proper gentleman she enamored with, and definitely not the sick and awfully possessive man from a moment ago.
It's now Cassandra's turn. "Tell me something you don't like about me," she read on.
Julian fell into his thoughts as his eyes gaze lingered on her, contemplating what he might find to dislike about her. "May I pass on this one?" he said.
Cassandra refused to let him pass as she shook her head.
Julian lowered his eyes as he ran a thumb over his lips. "You are lovely in every way. What could I possibly find to dislike?"
When she remained silent, he knew he had to offer her at least one answer. However, he just couldn't find anything to dislike about her. "If there's one thing," he mused, "it's that you're too strong-headed. You should be gentler with yourself sometimes."
He was referring to her relentless workaddict nature. When she set her mind to something, she pursued it to the very end, often neglecting her own well-being. He had often found her still working her own thing late into the night, a trait he disliked about her.
"Surely you can find something else?" she responded, feeling that his answer was no better than giving none at all.
Cassandra sighed lightly, never considering herself flawless. One should know she was once married, a woman almost twice his age. She was once broken and still carried those scars. There were actually many of her that a man could find fault with.
"Nothing else matters, I crave everything just the way you are," he told her.
Cassandra let out a helpless chuckle. He was undeniably hypocritical, his sickening obsession with her bordering on unsettling. Being in a relationship with such a man was akin to tiptoeing along a razor's edge. However, the upside was that it came with the perk that he was head over heels for her.
"Very well then, go on," she continued.
"Tell me something you don't like about me," he said.
In contrast to him in this regard, Cassandra didn't need much time, as he seemed to effortlessly give off a multitude of negative traits. "I could go on with a long list for this one," she said casually.
"Overly possessive, dishonest, hypocritical, awfully aggressive at times, narcissistic, superficial, extremely sexual, lecherous, and overly flirtatious." In a single breath, she effortlessly listed his negative traits.
"There's actually quite a bit of it, not to mention what I dislike about your Long Household. But we won't go into that. What you want me to tell is just something I dislike, so I will tell you one thing," she said.
Julian was left speechless. What's the difference? She had already revealed all she thought to be his negative traits. Furthermore, he didn't even know the man she had mentioned just now. The man she mentioned seemed to be really horrible. But wait, was she referring to him?
"I believe you are referring to someone else, I don't know him," he responded, refusing to believe himself to be the man she just portrayed.
Cassandra let out a faint chuckle, and then continued, "Something I despise about you is the long list of your past casual flings. A lowly womanizer that you were, and the thought of how many women you had been with disgusts me."
Julian didn't know what to say at this point. With a look of hurt on his handsome face, he responded, "Is that how you always see me? I shouldn't be that bad."
Cassandra harrumphed, "I couldn't care less about your negative traits. In truth, I love a man who can handle me like you do. You could have also been my ideal if you weren't that casual as a man."
In a surge of frustration, Julian shot her a glare. He parted his lips, as if to offer his defense, yet as he sought refuge in words, he found himself at a loss for words. Then, he could only sink back into his seat, his expression a portrait of resignation, defeat etched into every line of his face.
A subtle glimmer of amusement sparkled in Cassandra's eyes as she watched him. She took in the slight downturn of his mouth, relishing every passing second of his crestfallen expression.
Julian could only say, "If only you had waltzed into my life sooner."
As she heard him whisper, Cassandra dismissed the thought. She was already content with the way things were. Meeting him earlier wouldn't have led to a better outcome, given the many differences between them.
Moving on to the next turn, Julian read on, "Name three things we have in common."
Cassandra supported her head with her fingers on her chin elegantly, thinking for a moment. "Let's see, we both value privacy and secrecy in our relationship. We also share a love for indoor activities and aren't much of social creatures."
"Lastly," she mused. "
Julian gave his take on her answer. "How possessive are you over me?" he asked.
Her lips curved into a sly smile
I WILL NEVER ALLOW MYSELF TO BE LIKE THIS
"Can I ask you something," she said.
"Sure, go ahead. Ask me anything you'd like."
"Well actually, its more of a request than a question really."
I nodded my head, felt stupid, and spoke. "Feel free."
"Do I make you nervous?" she asked.
What was your first impression of me? Tell me something you consider to be a negative trait of mine. Name three things we have in common. What is one thing about me that you love? Tell me something I've never heard from you before. What is the worst habit of yours that you wouldn't want me to find out? (Julian, obsession, fantasy) If you could introduce me to anyone, who would it be? If you could change something in our relationship, what would it be? If you met me during your high school days, would you have dated me? Could you imagine yourself taking on my surname?
