Forget The Rails, I Can't Find The Train! (Bleach SI)

If you're looking for a reason to read this fic, then look no further then these lovely summaries made by your fellow readers.

And yes, none of it is supposed to make sense. Yet.

Ps, every single one of these only references the first 24 hours.

Read at your own risk.

Edit: Now has a Tvtropes page! Forget The Rails I Cant Find The Train (Fanfic) - TV Tropes

Spoiler

Now that we've got that out of the way... On with the story!

...

The butterfly theory dictates that even the smallest of changes can have the most devastating of effects. Which essentially, given my current position, means that I and by extension the rest of the world, are already fucked.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

Our story started about three hours ago, see I was just having a marvellous day out fishing with a few friends before a tsunami literally came out of thin air and killed all of them. Given the state of mind during that outing, I am somewhat skeptical...

All the same I wasn't given much time to ponder the nature of the killer tsunami as I was given the pleasure of a unique end by shark teeth. Who, given the world I am currently in, I am just going to assume was really Harribel in disguise.

Anyways, following my involuntary meeting with the third Espada, I found myself drifting off in a black void of nothingness which at first took me off guard as I'd momentarily accepted that there was indeed a god and I was on my journey towards Hell. Que an emotional breakdown.

Then a face popped into existence in front of me and as much as I'd like to say I didn't scream like a girl, I'd be a massive liar.

But then you can hardly blame me.

Jack Nicholson's face is going to do that to anybody.

Long story short, after pretending to be the devil for a solid two hours the asshole inside finally showed himself.

Surprise Surprise, it was an utter di-

Really need to stop wearing, I've been knocked out like three times in the past hour. Not that anyone would've noticed me. I was currently hidden in my private chambers, stacks of books around me, though I couldn't tear my face away from the mirror. I'd been like this since I'd gotten here. But I am getting ahead of myself, again.

The ROB did what a ROB do and promptly broke all kinds of laws and physics out of sheer curiosity. See, just after he'd summoned Harribel for a free meal, and no matter how much that bastard might deny it, deep down I know it was him, he asked me a single question.

Who was my favourite character?

And been the idiot that I am, I told him the truth.

And ever since, I'v been sitting here crosslegged, staring ahead at the image in the mirror. Wondering what the hell I was going to do.

Because no matter what happens, this world is screwed. Everything is screwed.

See, I knew exactly what time period I'd shown up to, the ROB made it clear enough.

Moments after Ichigo first arrives at Soul Society.

And again you might be wondering why that sounds so bad? Considering I was basically gift-wrapped the P2W package what with been a captain, and on top of that Canon was already in progress taking a majority of potential risks out, as compared to being born decades before canon even started, right?

Wrong.

The ROB had evidently decided that I should get a chance to get to know my favourite character.

The only problem with that being said favourite character.

And because of that, every breath I take is a cyclone waiting to happen. By the end of this year, I expect Yhwach to be running about playing protagonist.

Hell, the last three hours alone have probably sent canon on it's merry way already.

And why?

Because the only way to get to know my favourite character is by becoming the one person he respected more then anyone else. Assuming there was an anyone else.

I never thought I'd see the day where I'd resent Ulquiorra for anything but being thrown into Aizen Fucking Sosuke's body is one hell of a sucker punch.