Dark Skies

This is one of the rare times I want to suit myself and bang my head on the wall as I ask myself why or how.

Why in the world did all of the things happened in the past have to happen? Why did I have to be abandoned and go through a lot of pain? Why do my tears hide behind the fake, happy crystal sheet of my eyes?

Whenever I ask myself all these things, I often come up with nothing, no reason to believe, to hold on, or to even bother myself with all of the bends and sinkholes of my life that I've already been through.

But the most dreaded question I always ask myself in hopes of getting a viable answer is how? How in the world did I end up in this mess called my "past – slash - future"? How did I end up being engaged with the person I owe my second life to?

If you ask me, my standard answer would be…

Who the hell knows?

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The numerous facets are reflecting the sunlight in different angles and hue. It's beautiful, no doubt there, and it looks so precious embracing my ring finger in a way that would bind me forever.

The cheery atmosphere of the crowd never fails to amaze me, though it's not that infectious. Well, in my opinion that is. Nor did the fragrant mist of lavender dazed me either, but I have to admit, it's nice.

I know I should be amazingly happy today of all the days I had, or will have. It's my engagement day for all time's sake! But I feel guilty for ever croaking the word yes when he asked me to be his wife.

I remember that day when he took me out for a new year's dinner on a fancy Italian restaurant. I didn't have the faintest idea then. I mean, it's not like my head was actually inclined on getting married after all the commotion. Then all of a sudden, on that rooftop, blanketed with rose petals, made more intimate by the hushed sound of the classical orchestra on the far side, under the light emitted by hundreds of fireworks painting the sky, he got down on one knee, took out a ring, and asked me if I could give him the honor of being my husband.

All the memories of the saddest moments of my life came back in an instant and in the briefest of seconds, all I could ever think about was the caring way he held my hands, or when he lent me his shoulders when I cried, or the thoughtful and loving stare he casts on me, or most of all, that cold night in August when I stood there shivering, crying, almost numb by the hundreds of spikes of rain against my burning skin, completely broken, as I waited for someone who will never come back, clutching the little bickers of hope that somehow, the most important piece of my life will embrace me once again and protect me from the cold. He was the one who found me crumpled, leaning on a tree I knew so well, the one who embraced me tight and shared the fire of love he has, promising that he will fix me, he'll fix me for sure.

He was there all the time. He was the one who saved me as I willingly drowned myself in the sea of pain I created.

In that moment, I was decided. In the long second that I thought of these things he have done, I couldn't say no. I want to make him happy. That's the least I could do.

But now, I really feel guilty, knowing that I'm actually lying to him. That's very unfair of me. But I know it's for the best. He'll be happy, and I'm sure he'll try his best to make me happy too.

Maybe it's natural to feel guilty. I mean it's like, I'm betraying him or something, but as I see that wide smile that seems to be permanently etched on his face since I said yes, I couldn't be any happier for him. I love him enough to wish him the highest ecstasy.

I decided to stretch my legs and escape the party for a little walk around the villa. I ended up looking out from the balcony on the second floor. I can only barely hear the upbeat music downstairs as the visible ocean waves crashed the rocky fringes of the shore. It attracted me more than the ecstatic music bursting from the first floor. The smell of sand and salt is great, refreshing more than ever, erasing the tension harassing my body. It felt nice as it tangled my hair.

I jumped back from shock when I felt two arms wound around my waist. I turned around, only to see Rico with a wide amused smile on his face.

"Hey! You startled me!" I exclaimed breathlessly and smacked his arm.

"Sorry…" he chuckled and kissed my cheek. I just smiled at him. Rico. My savior and fiancée Rico. If I will only look at things the easiest way, I must say that I am very lucky to have him by my side, to have his love showering over me. A lot of girls would do anything to be in my position. I mean who wouldn't? Rico is way beyond the normal bachelors of his age. He has gray, gentle eyes, fit form, fair face, black wavy hair, and most of all, that beautiful smile that could knock your heart to sleep. At his early age of 29, he is already a successful surgeon. To note it all, he is such a catch.

"So, what are you doing here? Everyone is having a good time downstairs… my fiancée should be the one enjoying herself…" he broke my reverie and played with a few stray hairs of mine being blown by the wind. His other arm didn't unwind its hold on my waist. Looking away, I answered.

"I just wanted to breathe some fresh air…" creases formed between his brows and he held my chin up to meet his eyes.

"Is the aura of the party suffocating you?"

"Of course not…" I said, looking down.

"You can always cancel you know… there's still some time left… I don't want to force you in doing something you don't want to…" he suggested, his cheerful eyes darkening with grief, his hold loosening from sadness. I touched his cheek with my hand as he leaned on it with a weary sigh. I make him look directly at me.

"I can't… and I won't… you know I love you right?" I said softly with conviction, hoping to convince myself with my own words. He smiled weakly, but then nodded.

I could feel the doubt bounding from his tensed posture. In his eyes, a flash of pain appeared, and then vanished as quickly as it had come. He took my left hand and studied the ring. Then as if someone pushed the button of his excitement, he suddenly smiled broadly.

"I have a surprise for you…" my brows raised in astonishment.

"Another one?"

"Yeah… I managed to invite your favorite band to play for our wedding reception…" excitement tickled my veins and I hugged him tight to express my gratitude.

"Thank you!" he laughed so loud, satisfied of my reaction.

"Yeah, but can my best friend play our wedding song and march during the ceremony?" he requested hopefully.

"Of course… have I met him before?" I asked, curious. He hasn't mentioned anyone being his best friend, let alone a pianist friend.

"He's a piano instructor in Julliard… cool huh? I think he'll be here any minute now… he really wanted to play for our wedding… he said he couldn't let such an important event in my life pass without his presence or not being to play my wedding song… he's such a good friend…" he described him like a precious jewel, a very important person.

But then I couldn't ignore the pain that struck me the moment I heard the word piano. It reminded me of him.

"I see… well that's good… a Julliard instructor to play for us? Wow… that's just ostentatious… I couldn't wait to hear him play…" I hid the spontaneous feeling I felt behind those words and smiled.

"What's his name?"

"He's – " he was cut off abruptly by the loud ringing of his phone. "Excuse me hon…" he apologized and kissed my hand as he took a plenty of steps away to answer his call. I faced away from him and continued what I've been doing before, just staring at the beauty of the ocean and marveling on its soothing effect.

"Hello?" I heard Rico answer. "Oh, hey man! How's the flight? Where are you now?" he questioned, excited. "Oh… I see… that's okay…" Rico answered and waited for his reply. "The piano? Okay… good… see you then…" I heard the phone click and a huge sigh from him. Not long after, I felt him snake his arms on my waist again.

"What's wrong?" I asked, curious. I can almost feel his disappointment.

"He can't come today… but he'll be here tomorrow…"

"Oh that's a pity… but it's okay… oh by the way…" I trailed off and looked at him. He gestured me to continue. "I'm curious… what's his name?" I added, my brows furrowing in question.

"Joed… I met him almost eight years ago…"

"Oh… okay… I can't wait to meet him…" I responded. I felt droplets of rain on my skin. He noticed it too.

"Let's get you inside before the drizzle turns into a full-blown rain…" he wrapped his arms around me to keep me warm, like it always does, and towed me to return to the party.