Epic of the Legendary Brat

"Damn you! I won't settle for this, you know!" She shouted at the clouds, but to no avail.

It wasn't any big mystery. The warlord knew he'd been cursed by the heavenly emperor himself, because only he could be capable of such a feat. Surely it wasn't a mere coincidence that he was reborn as a cute little farmer girl with brown pigtails and a blushing pink face! It was clearly a punishment for his arrogance in daring to challenge the heavens.

Once he was the dreaded bandit warlord Li Xiang. But now, he was Li Mei: an ordinary peasant brat belonging to a magic bean farming widow.

"Those lousy divines think they can abuse us peasants as they please! But I'll show them."

While she was thus caught up in her scheming, Li Mei's mother suddenly came out of the house and saw her idling so she knocked her on the head.

"Lazy idiot daughter! Don't you have beans to be picking for us to sell in the market?"

"I won't accept orders from some old hag that isn't even my wife!" the brat spat at her furiously.

"What was that?!" Already, her mother was reaching inside for the Great Searing Paddle. So-called because it was an ancient family heirloom imbued with the element of fire by a volcano deity, in exchange for a favor done by a long forgotten Li ancestor. It was so powerful that even the warlord, who had seen many men die and much blood and gore and suffered a great many grievous wounds was scared; still sore from his last beating that took place weeks prior.

"Mother, please! You misheard me; I was talking how radiantly beautiful you are, and that you shouldn't dirty your hands--OW!"

"Don't lie to me, you devil child!" She chased the girl with the paddle, smacking her repeatedly.

Afterward, the battered and burning Li Mei quietly went about with her work.

'I hate it here," she thought to herself bitterly. "But in this form, I'm too weak to even fight off an old witch!" Not so long as she had that paddle.

She sighed, pulling another of the glowing blue "magic beans" from the soil.

"What's with these beans anyway?" she wondered with a devious glint in her eyes. "If they're magic, then maybe they'll give me some kind of special boon if I eat them."

She ate one, but didn't feel anything even after waiting a while.

"Maybe I need to eat more?" she thought. She gathered a handful and tucked it into her pocket.

Later, it was time for Li Mei to join her mother in hauling the day's yield of magic beans to the market on a donkey cart. Along the way, she would sneakily eat more of the beans when her mother wasn't looking. She began to feel a warm tingling across her body, that grew and grew as she kept eating more beans.

"Yes! It must be a sign that I'm gaining magical powers!"

She snickered to herself with mischief as her mother was stocking the market stall.

"Annoying rat daughter! Why are you just standing there making strange noises? Why aren't you carrying the bean bags?"

Li Mei closed her eyes and turned up her nose like a noble. "Carry them yourself!"

A moment passed in silenced. She heard a sound like a small breath a warily she peaked with one eye at her mother. She expected to see her raising the Great Searing Paddle to strike at her with, like before, but instead it looked like she was on the verge of laughing! A fact which only made Li Mei more angry.

"What are you laughing about, old witch?"

She could barely speak through her giggling. "You've eaten some of the beans, haven't you?"

"Huh? How can you tell!?" Li Mei snapped, her surprise quickly fading back into wrath. "Screw it! I'll turn you to ash with my new Great Searing Palm Blast now!"

She raised her hand and pointed it at the witch--but nothing happened!

Li Mei gasped. "But I could feel the fire chi raging all across my body! I should be able to control it!"

"You thought the beans gave powers to control chi? Hah!" The witch mother laughed, then waved her arm like she was scaring away some chickens and furrowed her brow. "Take another look at yourself! See what eating all those beans has done to you."

Li Mei nearly fainted from shock when she looked down at her own body.

"Since when were my breasts this huge?!" She was totally flat before, but now could only watch as they continually grew to a massive size before her eyes. "Back here as well--" She touched her behind, feeling that it and her thighs had likewise grown by an obscene degree. Her apron felt super tight, and was tearing in some places. And as a crowd gathered round, Li Mei collapsed while grunting and cursing out loud at her misfortune, as her mother acted oblivious--scrawling something on a piece of board.

"What are you scribbling there, old witch?" Li Mei whined, trying to cover her bountiful chest from the hungry eyes of men closing in. "Can't you see your beloved only daughter is in trouble?"

Smirking, the heartless old women held up the board--now a sign, which read "AUCTION."

"Everyone, I've had it with this unruly child! And now that she's fully grown, I'll sell her to the highest bidder! What she lacks in manners she'll surely make up for in heirs with such a mature body." She cackled with cruelty. "Thanks to the nutrients of the the magic beans hose udders will overflow with enough milk to feed an entire army! And that gorgeous rump--why, it could even make a Buddhist priest blush!"

"How DARE you!" Li Mei rose up and yelled, shaking her fist. "I swear I'll kill you, old hag!"

"Bidding starts at 5 cowries!" Li Mei's mother announced.

"No way! You would really sell your only daughter for as low as that?!"

She glared at Li Mei. "You aren't my daughter--not anymore! I can tell that some kind of demon has possessed you, since the real Li Mei knew better than to eat so many magic beans."

Li Mei merely seethed; not bothering to try to argue for her to reconsider. Mothers are always right, after all.

Thus, the auction to decide the brat's husband was underway. "Ten cowries! Twelve! Fifteen! Twenty! Twenty-three!" The amount kept rising higher. So many people were eager to make the well-endowed farmer brat their bride, with the Great Searing Paddle being promised as a dowry. The ruckus that it caused became so great that a town guard that was on patrol came by to intervene.

"Hey! What's with all this shouting and fighting? Come on and break it up already!"

Li Mei breathed a sigh of relief, running toward the soldier. "Thank the heavens! You've come to stop that mad woman."

"Eh? What's the matter, young miss?" Her breasts rubbed against him, making him nervous.

"My own mother is trying to sell me off!" Li Mei told him. "Would you believe it?"

The guard glanced up, meeting the unwavering gaze of Li Mei's mother. "Is this true?"

To which she nodded. "The current highest bid is 48 cowries."

"See? Isn't she evil!" Li Mei plead, clinging tighter to the soldier's arm. "Please arrest her at once!"

However, the guard--who was bald and tall and missing some teeth, was grinning like a buffoon at Li Mei's mother. "For such a fine specimen, I'll give 60 cowries!"

Li Mei gawked at him in disgust, slapping him away. "You simpleton! I'm worth more than that!"