Chapter 44

I decided to leave Kash in the room while I grabbed some food to supply our small kitchen and to also make a call.  If he overheard who and why I was calling, he would be a little more than angry at me. Zion thankfully was able to get me through to Alpha Martin right away so my disappearance was not delayed.

Unfortunately I was not mentally prepared for the tilting voice on the other side when he answered. "Atlas, what a pleasant surprise. You miss us already?" 

The mock in his voice had my temper a little higher than it was before. "Cut the crap. Kash had memory loss again today. When he woke it was obvious what was going on. He is now trying to be brave, and handle it on his own." I tried my best to keep the conversation low, but my anger was barely contained. "I want to help him, but it is almost impossible without knowing first what the cause is."

"It could just be a coping mechanism for him now. His brain decided it was effective, so to protect himself it could happen until he finishes healing. How did you help today?" His voice though calm, I sensed an edge to it.

"Used my pheromones and voice. What else could I do? He was freaking out. I would like to know what his mind thought he needed protection from in the first place." Having me think it out settled my anger enough to relax once more. "He was or at least appeared calm when we went to bed."

"Was anything different yesterday? Other than any other time he has been home? Change will be hard for him, especially near his heat. Big changes will make it harder." Something told me that this guy and Zion get along because of how much alike they are with their thought process.

I thought of any changes that Kash would sense or notice. "Our room was lacking his scent, that was the biggest change, but since last night his scent has been mingling in. I moved the offices downstairs so a couple rooms are empty now as well. The office changes are the biggest, but Kash had not really been in or around them much when he was here before."

"Then it could just be things he has been thinking about and processing on his own. For all we know it was a one time thing. Keep tabs when you notice it and mark it down. Don't force him to come clean or do anything more than what you did today. It could cause him to backtrack to his wolf like before.My sister and I will go over everything and give him a check up when we arrive."

Since he planned a check up, it might be best to have our own take a look as well. "I will have Doc take a look at him as well before his heat."

"Have Zion send me the results, and try to relax. He is home, and healthy for the most part. Things could have been much worse." He was back to his normal voice which helped relax me as well.

"Thanks Alpha Martin." Man, we hit gold finding this guy. Guess there was one good thing to come of Kash disappearing, but then again, I would not want to gain a hundred allies for it to happen ever again.

"Just Martin is fine. We are about to be family." He chuckled after he spoke. "Besides, from the talks, we will be arriving within the week. Zion is worried about a troublesome uncle arriving and having us here before him?" His question had me wonder what Zion had been telling him. "I could be wrong, but that is what I am sure I heard."

Zion will have to explain how much he has told Martin before I speak much. "Hmm. Let's just say he is troublesome and more than a pain in my neck, but nothing you should be worried about. See you when you arrive then."

"Ha! I hope not. See you after Kash is finished with his heat."

This time I laughed. "If you knew Kash you would know I might just see you earlier."

The call ended with him laughing and me shaking my head. While talking I grabbed a number of fresh fruits and water. Zion was bringing a larger food order over later. After I got permission to allow Zion up for delivery that is. Now I had to add a visit from Doc to that list as well.

I sighed. I just wish Kash would let me in a little more and allow me to help. His past made him feel trapped and unfortunately I think it is backfiring on me now. I am unsure if he feels the need to prove himself or if he feels weak, but I will do my best to prove to him he is good as is. I will support him with what he wants, but he does not have to change for these reasons.

It surprised me to find Kash left the room. Not in a bad way, but more of an about time type. After I dropped off the fruit and water I followed his scent. It was easy with how new his scent was around here again. As it turned out he inspected all the rooms except his old one. He avoided it. Something I kept note of as I followed his trail.

When I finally found him, he was sitting in a bay window sleeping. A small leather bound book in his hands. I leaned on a bookshelf to watch the scene before me. It was very peaceful. The sunlight was at just the right angle to light him up with a gentle glow. I would never tire of views like this. 

"Atlas?" Kash woke up, and before I could reply he kept talking. "You found me. You will always find me won't you?"

I slowly walked over and noticed he moved the book and hugged it to his chest. "No matter how far, I will always find you."

"Hmm." He closed his eyes once more and I wondered if he fell back asleep. "I decided something."

Lowering myself down so I could look at him eye to eye, I waited. He had obviously come to a decision while sitting here. How he spoke earlier I had a little doubt in my heart of what it might be.

"You like me?" His eyes opened once more and he turned my way. I nodded. "I like you very much too." He smiled. "You are happy with me and do not need me to change?"

"Of course! I love the Kash you are. You will always be Kash no matter what. A little temperamental, protective, honest and smart." My eyes never left his. "What did you decide?"

His smile shone deep into his eyes. "I decided to trust my heart. It might sound silly, but I have not been as honest with myself as you have been honest with me. I have been confused and felt like my life was written in a path from before my birth. I have struggled to find a place that I fit in. One without being marked as a rarity or my second gender. I fought as much as I could to just be seen as me. Then you came along and the Moon Goddess showed me that another choice had been taken away. My whole being now fought with me as I struggled for my own identity. Then I got to know you. You gave me space, and allowed yourself to trust me, when I was far from earning it." Kash looked down. "In truth I have been not only denying you, but I have done it to myself." When Kash looked back into my eyes, I could see tears on the verge of spilling. "I have decided to be honest. And my honesty starts with…" He paused, his own eyes searching mine. "Atlas. I really do love you. It is not the bond speaking, and it is not anything forcing me to feel like I have too. With that love I feel, I never want to lose you again. I promise from here on out, that no matter what I will return to your side." As tears fell he smiled more. "We are one spirit. My half is lost without you."

My thumbs gently wiped the tears as they fell. "Kash, I promise you the same. It's true I loved you from day one, but my heart has grown and with that so has my love."

Kash, still holding the book, crawled into my arms. "Thank you Atlas. For everything."

I am not sure how long I sat with Kash sitting on my lap, head curled up against my collar, and I did not care. It was not until Kash shivered and whimpered in his sleep I decided to move. Chucking I struggled to balance myself to a standing position with Kash in my arms. He must have been exhausted from his coming heat. He never once moved. I was now a little concerned as he had not eaten yet. 

My guess was that I would have to deal with an angry Kash. Waking him up was not much fun. I let him sleep in the bed for another hour after we arrived, but he needed to eat and drink. I must have been leaning against the door for a large number of minutes now debating on how to handle the situation. 

"Alright. I can do this." Whispering to myself and building up my courage to wake him up, I slowly walked over. "Hey, Kash?"

"Hmm…" He rolled over with a mumble.

"Kash, you need to get up and eat. You have not eaten all day." I tempted fate and put a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him.

"Atlas?" He turned his head in my direction, eyes still only half open. "Just five more minutes?"

"No can do. You need to eat and drink. Even if it is just a few fruits and some water. I want Doc to have a look at you as well." His eyes now opened wide. "Just a precaution. He knows you a little better as well. I thought you would feel comfortable with him. I just want to make sure you're really safe."

Kash grumbled more as he sat up. "Protective ass. I get it. Seriously, why can't I sleep? I'm tired. NOT hungry. What difference would a few minutes make?" When he finally looked back at me he was frowning as his stomach growled. "Fine. I am hungry."

Without waiting for him to get up I scooped him up into my arms. "And I have some snacks waiting. Would it be okay for Zion or Doc to come here? Zion will bring more food for stock up. You can meet them both downstairs if you prefer."

"Can we do that? Meet downstairs, that is?" Kash blushed and turned his head into my chest. "I don't want more scents here."

I had stopped walking, finally getting to the loveseat, when he spoke up. "That's perfectly fine Kash. I asked you because it is your place too."

"Thanks. Now put me down! I could have walked you know!" I chuckled as I let him go. "I should have known you would want to tease me."  

"Eat up. I have a little more if you are still hungry after this." I chucked as I walked away and pulled my phone out to let Zion know the plans. Then I had to contact Doc.

My text to Doc was longer than I guess it needed to be but I wanted him to be prepared with all I knew. 'Doc, I want you to have a look at Kash in about an hour. We will meet in the office. Kash had a small bout of amnesia when he woke today and I want to make sure he has no other complications from what he went through.'

'See you then. I have a report from the doctors who had his care prior. They were very throughout. Still, I understand. Have Kash wear a tee and sweats, I wanted to check his vitals.'

I had already started to walk back to Kash to let him know what Doc said when his voice spoke up first. "Hey Atlas. I don't feel so good."