Attack on ¤/¤%#¤(learning with mom!)

Ah, bliss.

After a long and arduous journey through the hell that is known as Saturday talk shows, I finally had some free time. I deserve it, okay? I have been on a nonstop workout for like a year! Oh, yeah I finally paid off that debt too. Some might think it was not that much of a hassle since it was skipped over; but I tell you, there was a lot, and then I mean a LOT that happened! Hmm, but anyways, we can talk about that later. Maybe we will talk about that another time.

Anyways, now I'm just relaxing in my well-deserved break time! Where might I be? Well, in the mountains of course! While I have grown older physically, mountain climbing is a hobby for all ages! Mom has nothing against it either, in fact, I'm pretty sure she enjoys it too! I'm a cute kid remember! Of course, I have made sure to keep my manners, so don't go running your brain okay! I'm just a perfect little baby with a slightly higher affinity for mountain climbing!

Well, back to mom. Now we are just relaxing in the living room on the sofa. She seems to have fallen asleep a moment ago, judging by how the mountains are rising and falling very slowly from behind me. A very therapeutic feeling you could say! I guess having a baby on top of her is also kinda therapeutic too. You know, mom stuff. She seems to be sleeping like a rock at least. I can't blame her though, it's been quite rough for her too. When a child becomes a star, the parents have to follow too. Plus, there is a lot of other stuff they gotta do, such as scheduling, contract signing, and talking to the set manager, and stuff. Anyhow they do a lot, she might be even more exhausted than me, to be honest. I feel a bit iffy about the fact that I was the one who caused the situation, but it should be said that she was the one who was the most on board with this!

Hmm, I'll have to a bit nicer I guess? The more love you give the more you get!

Anyway, in conclusion, the point is that while some might differ, when you're a baby, moms are the best! Well, when you're an adult the same is true, but that is a different kind of mom okay!

Ah, she is moving. Guess she is waking up? Anyway, have to put on the baby face. Not to sound arrogant, but I've gotten quiet at this! Those hours spent on advertisement weren't for nothing! While I can't compare when it comes to body movement, I'm a baby after all, in the smile department I reign supreme! Like I could put those makeup models to shame! I'm cute after all. In fact, being a baby might be giving me an advantage! Everyone has some sort of hidden talent, it's just that most of the time it's never properly discovered, or something totally useless. Me? I hit the jackpot! As they say, you can get everywhere in the world with a smile!

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah mom waking up. 3,2,1, Mega Smile, baby style, on!

"Ahh<3 Baby, did you wait for me to wake up? Come to mommy!"

Baby used Mega Smile, it was super effective!

Hug*

Mom used Bouncing Hug, it was super effective!

Uhh, the feeling is too much!

Baby has fainted.

shushushu

...

"Today the nightflowers corporation has merged into the ZeRo conglomerate. More information at 8."

Hmm, Is this what paradise feels like? Cause if it is, then I don't want to go back!

Waking up from what felt like the best sleep of my life I was meet with a gruesome sight! Not the atrocious permanent of the news reporter, though it really is gruesome. No, mom is crying! Who did this? That afro girl on the tv? thief? That dam* system!? Cause I'll beat them up!

"Ah, baby, you're awake again? Sorry, you had to see this sorry sight. Mom is just feeling a bit out of it right now. We have been working a lot this past year, haven't we? You must be quite confused by all the things going on around you. Well, this might be a good time as any to take a well-deserved break. You don't have to worry anymore."

...I should be happy hearing that. Like, considering what I have been through for the past year, I should be beaming with joy. Yet, somehow this feels like a hollow victory when I look at her forcing a smile like that.

"Don't give me that look. Is my smile really that bad? Well, you don't have to worry about anything! I'm fine I swear. As long as I'm with you I'll be the happiest woman in the world!"

Can't argue with that! Man, you really know how to play on a person's heartstrings! Hmm, isn't it a bit too natural though? Seems like this can create a lot of misunderstandings. Don't know how to feel about that...

Well, right now I'm the only one who takes up space in her heart! That is the only thing that matters! And you know what? I'll make sure to keep it that way! I'm looking at you thief! Don't worry mom, I'll be sure to protect you!!

"Anyway, want me to play with you?"

"Whaa!"(h**l yeah!)

Enough with the sappy serious stuff. Right now, I'm a child. While I might be older mentally, my body has its own tendencies! I can't control it, okay? That is like asking teens not to be horni. Adults be adults, teens be teens, and babies be babies, and right now I'm a baby!! This is definitely not me shrinking off my responsibilities. Acting like a child is necessary in order to protect mother's heart! This is definitely not an excuse to act on my instincts! I'm a responsible baby, not a fool-headed one, okay!?

...

So, we played a lot. Don't judge. Can you say no to that smile? Cause I can say that your heart probably can't! Cause even when you take away the motherly ara ara mom mom-vibes she gives of, there is also the fact that she is extremely thi-beautiful and kind!

Still, though, there was something that caught my interest.

...

"Still though, aren't you just too cute? Going by my experience, when you grow up; people will confess to you, left and right, aren't they? Fu fu, my daughter might become the star of the town!"

"Wa wa!"(You bet mom!!)

"Still though, I'm afraid that they are going to overwhelm you with confessions. Boys and girls tend to be quite pushy and passionate at that age. Maybe I should prepare you for when that time comes? Still, though that can wait. You probably don't need it now, and you most likely wouldn't be able to remember or understand it."

Wait? I feel like I just happened to hear something world-changing. Boys "and" girls? I have been wondering about this topic for a while now; Does the knowledge of LGBT and other stuff exist in this? In my own world, while it is except in a lot of places all over the world, in some even commonplace, that is a mostly new thing! A few decades ago it was treated with the witch-burning treatment! Considering this, thinking it not being accepted in a place and time you know nothing about, especially since it's another world, wouldn't be too farfetched, right? No, isn't it that you should be expecting from the start!? If not for the existence of the system, even if I'm the prettiest flower in the world, finding lasting relationships would also be pretty hard!

Even if I harbor the beating heart of a man, I'm in the body of a woman? One with smoking hot prospects, but woman non the less! I'll have to date as a lesbian, even if I don't consider myself as one, cause that is what society will think of me as. That is all fine and dandy though, the real problem comes in the statistics. the number of LGBT, and all that, is substantially lower than that of straight people! Well, at least I think? Honestly, I really don't know.

The point is that if you combine all the reasons above, the chances of finding a potential lover are extremely lower! Huh, look at me here, worrying about not getting a SO at 1 year old... That's gotta be a new record or something, right!!?

This is kind of eating me up though, I have so high future specs but might not even be able to use them!!!

[System is noticing worry in user.

Analyzing...

Analyzing complete!

Answer: Lonely Loser user is even more of a Lonely Loser than the system originally estimated.

Conclusion: Lonely Loser user is evolving into Lonely Loser Virgin user. Congratulations.]

"Congratulations", my as*!!!

I swear, every time I worry about something, this system always finds a way to make it worse!! Leave me alone, you piece of sh*t!!! Also, why are you suddenly talking in lower case!?

[Detecting frustration in user

Analyzing...

Analyzing Complete

Answer: After Lonely Loser Virgin user paid the debt to the system, the system was gracious enough to upgrade itself for the user. The cost for the upgrade has been transferred into debt.

Notice: Lonely Loser Virgin user is too poor in popularity to pay for the loan.

Conclusion: System functions will be turned off for 3 years to compensate for the poor financial situation of Lonely Loser Virgin user. Also, in light of Lonely Loser Virgin user's newfound impoverishment, the system has upgraded Lonely Loser Virgin user to Poor Lonely Loser Virgin user, Congratulations!]

... I swear I'm going to kill you someday!!! Also! What the heck is up with the "Lonely Loser Virgin user" thing!? It's way too dam* long!!!!

[Detecting frustration in user

Analyzing...

Analyzing Complete

Answer: System has found reason in Poor Lonely Loser Virgin user's argument

Conclusion: At Poor Lonely Loser Virgin user's behest Poor Lonely Loser Virgin user is evolving into Super Virgin, Congratulations! Proceeding to add one more year to the lockdown.]

F**k you! Also, Isn't that even worse!? And what's with that add-on!!? I never agreed to any of that!!!

[Super Virgin user can still use the Divine Knowledge skill while in lookdown.]

Oy! Don't ignore me!!

[To answer the Super Virgin user's question: After an event known as the "Singleing", relationships between people of the same gender have been socially accepted all over the world, with a large number of growing cases. In fact, it can be said that differences between sexualities can be considered non. For instance, most of the population can be thought of as bi.]

That is weirdly progressive, and also a really weird development at the same time!!! Like, it kind of scares me to think of how relationships even work in this world!?

[Super Virgin user is seemingly not progressive, Proceeding to evolve Su-]

Wait!!!!!!!!!! Don't you dare to put words in my mouth again!! That was just me being concerned about my future! I'm not going to ask any more questions, so please shut the f**k up!!!

[Detecting anger management issues in Super Virgin user, proceedi-]

Ahhh, I've got enough!!! F**k pacifism! I'm really going to f**king kill you right, here right now!! Don't think I'll take this lying down!! Face the unbridled wrath of Alice F**King, whatever my last name is!!! WHAAaaaaaaaaa!

"Ahh!! Hmm? Why are you suddenly running into me like that? Did you want to hug mommy that much? Come to mommy!"

"Wa!"(H**l Yeah!)

[Detecting perversion in Super Virgin user, proceeding to evolve Super Virgin user into Mister Pervert Virgin]

"Whaaa!!"(F**K!!!!)