Congratulations, You're Dead!

"Congratulations, You're Dead!" A voice boomed out over a shapeless void. "Looks like Truck-kun strikes again. Good on you for trying to get in shape, but maybe you shouldn't have picked the busiest street in town to jog down. Hmm? Oh well, it's not like she would've gone for you, even if you lost the weight. Daddy issues, that one."

'what? wait, why can't i talk?'

"You're dead, Truck-kun, Daddy-issues, we've been over this, try to keep up." The voice replies to my unspoken questions. "Now, aside from some... 'questionable' choices in pornography, you were a decent enough person. So, back into the wheel for you, good luck, and maybe watch out for cars this time."

'...'

***

Darkness, warmth, pressure, then light, and... 'are those teeth?'

***

"Congratulations'... Wait, you again, that was quick. What, wolves? In this day and age? Seriously? You got eaten by fucking wolves? Eh, whatever. Take two."

***

Darkness, warmth...

***

"Con... Oh, fucking hell, you didn't even get born that time. Take three."

***

"What? Wolves again, that's like three times now, whatever... Take twelve."

***

"HAHAHAHAHAHAH Take HAHAH fortyHAHAfour HAAHAHAHHAH."

***

"Wolves again... Seriously? I hope they fire the idiot who thought up the whole "Birthing in Nature" idea. Take eighty-seven. No, you know what? Just no. It was funny the first few dozen times, especially take forty-three. I mean, who in their right mind decides to give birth while skydiving? Put that shit up on GodTube and it's already got like a million hits. But, this is getting old now. So, let's see just what is going on with you... Oof, how'd I miss that? Guess the porn distracted me. Hah. But, wow, you really pissed Him off, a few life-times pre Truck-kun, that is. What an ass, making all this extra work for me. Hmm..." The voice trailed off. "Yeah, that could work. I got a deal for you dude. See, the Gods in the next pantheon over. Well... they're dicks, to put it bluntly. Sure, we all kinda are, especially Him, but seriously, fuck those guys."

'...'

"Okay, okay, I'm getting to it, I'm getting to it. So, normally I'm not allowed to mess with them, but seeing as you've got His mark. Well, they'll just blame Him for what ever trouble you cause. So, I'm gonna hook you up, man. The full Isekai treatment. They got the whole sword and sorcery thing going on anyways. So, it's perfect. I'll even start you out as an adult so you don't have to deal with that grown mind in a baby's body B.S. Though, you will miss out on sucking on some titty whenever you want. Well, until you get your own girl, or girls, or guys. I don't judge... well, not for who you're fucking, at least. And hell, since forty-three was so funny, 1.2 million views bee-tee-dub, I'll even let you pick you species and powers and shit."

The formless void shifts and shapes into...

'is this...'

"The character screen from a Korean MMO? You know it. Though, I did add a few extra sliders. But please, don't make your dick ridiculously huge or anything stupid like that. What you had pre Truck-kun would make any woman happy. Well, maybe not Daddy-issues... But never mind her. Take your time, get something you'll be happy spending the rest of your life in. I got other shit to do for now, so let me know when you're done. Already at 1.3 and still climbing"

'okay...'

***

'and done. want to take a look?'

"Just broke 6.5 mil, dude."

'...'

So, what'cha got for me? Plantkin, eh? Tired of the wolves? Don't blame you, though watch your berries. Hah! Now, let's see... Shape-shifting and extra appendages... Why am I not surprised? Just remember 'consenticles are besticles', alright.

'...no comment.'

"Hah. Moving on. Nature magic, duh, don't want to waste that racial bonus. And the full Magical suite is unlocked but you only selected a handful of utility spells and abilities. You should still have a ton of points left. Oh, you dumped them all into growth. Playing the long game, huh? Everything looks good, though if you're planning to disguise yourself as the other races, you're missing Red Sap. Ah, screw it, have it on the house, your video just jumped up to 6.9 million hits and I've gotten nearly a million subs just from it. The wolf compilation is doing pretty well too."

'thanks, i think.'

"More than welcome, now get your ass outta here! And if anyone asks, He sent you. Oh, and say hi to system-chan for me, she's a doll."

The void returns, now with a sense of motion to it. A speck of green in the distance rapidly swells until...