A real me

Cool keeping my face as nothing had happened in my life , this was something hurts me badly but what can I do now even if I try to commit suicide again that won't change anything I'm standing at the edge of the cliff if someone push me, it is one step to fall. I have no choice either to jump off or to go back , a 17-years girl with no parents no guardian working as waitress at one low-profile bar around the City, you know how difficult and miserable it is especially to someone like me who ended up on the street after graduating at local government high School I scored higher marks on language subjects but that didn't make me to go to university or even college because I was a low profile student with no parents neither guardians and who is going to pay for my bills, expenses fees and rent even if I work for two years before I enroll into private college the money I will get won't be enough and who will want to hire underage low educated student, I went to some private and public organization offices and asked for help but what I got is just a "calendar" . 'come next week ,take this paper and come another day I will help you little girl don't worry this recently I've been busy on important matters, there are so many cases of people like you who came here and still their businesses not ended up . So you can patiently wait ". That process I will never do it again if someone tell me to do so. It's so frustrating .....you know when I think about it ,I even get sexual harassed because of it I remember six months ago I went to one of government officers who pretend to be willingly help me in process but that wasn't his intentions at all he wanted something in return. " I'm willing to help you because first you are a smart girl also I'm a government officer and government is for people my duty is to serve people's interests , as you told me you don't have a parents or guardians your parents dead when you were seven you were raised in the orphanage centre and you are now settled at your friend's apartment but you know an older man like me who is one way to retire I don't think this not easy for me. No ! , No ! Don't take me wrong .if you want to study yes you will study but what about living expenses , you need someone like me who will get your back at any time"

He was talking such a rubbish and still he didn't hesitate to touch me on my chest while kissing me on my back where I was sitting on the chair my legs closed trembling , afraid of being raped in this dark and closed door and windows office ,only the two of us .There is no safety here . while taking up the situation I came to realise that his hand was going down under my skirt you know I am 17 years girl it is something easy for me getting aroused but I didn't because it was paining me to see such a person who I really hope that he gonna help me want to do something like that to me without even thinking what he is doing is not right. my head spinning around on what to do in order to escape the situation, first thing that came in my mind is to push him away and run I ran out of the office passing people down the building I pushed down one woman who was wearing an janitor uniform . She stood up holding a package of my certificate document which I dropped it when I bumped into her . She handled it to me

" Here ! , but your bra !?" She said while pointed om my bra's strap which was stepped out of my blouse . I recollect myself still shaking like I did something wrong which I should be shy of it .

" how is that a girl like you running around the office , unaware of what you are passing by and where are you coming out?!" I started to cry , unable of explaining myself on what situation I'm in "sorry I ..... "

that was the only word coming out of my mouth she looked at me up to down and then she look to the door that I came out .she zoom in and her face changed she surrowed up like she understand my situation but she is in no position to help me she said just go don't just stand there !! .....go and hide and don't come back here again and if you tell the police the worst will come for you , that's it !! just run like you run out from that door.

I came back home I can't call it home like because it is for a short time to stay at my friend's place she was there preparing for a trip back to her parents in India she just came for hiding . Her parents are running smuggling business around Asian so they sent out their daughter away so they can handle the situation alone running from the police forces and stuff like that she's a friend but not probably. I can't stay and well believe her while her background is ready enough to stay away from her. she gave me a cup of water to soothe me after she heard what I told her she told me to come along with her to India but I refused to go with her she said it is alright if I don't want to but that was the last opportunity I could get I didn't get much sleep on that day because thinking what will happen to me Next day in the morning I escorted my friend to airport she hugged me and still she insisted me to go with her like she knew it what is going to happen to me soon but my answer was the same she left me with checks which can push me into all three weeks before I find job I got back at the place where which means one week until the house lord came to throw me out

On my way back home with money in my hand discussing what I could cook for breakfast it was small and budgeting amount of money but still can help me out I decided to go to a wholesale market in order to get a cheaper and discount home kitchen stuffs which I can store them and cook them in budget I bought some tomatoes cans ,potatoes ,beans ,maize powder, vegetables and margarine with breads . I thought that was enough for me .I keep the change in my pocket and I took a long route public bus to minimize my expenses when I arrive at the bus stop in front of my house . is it my house ?! t is my left friend's apartment .I saw three men in front of the door , they wore jackets not familiar probably , after they saw me walking towards them . they came after me in a hurry before I turn back and run away maybe that will be a better choice for unfamiliar faces running after you like thief with no reason . But before that decision hits my mind they were already caught me up and pushed me down I gasped out , all my packages dropped . It was a very bad scene to look , I was shabby , panting in shock , how could this men do this to me and who are they actually

" Who are you to push me like that " " police !! Here , tell us are you Maya "

" Even if you're police , you don't have right to push me down like that , and tell me how can I know you're really police " the man who pushed me seemed so angry when he looked at me with a fury face like he is looking to a world uncatchable criminal , took off his badge from his jacket's pocket and show me .

" I'm a police officer from a province no 434 , police station . Maya valentine you are convicted on a criminal case of robbing out 1000 U.S dollars from a government office . You have the right on hiring a private lawyer for servicing you in the court " . Before I say anything , I surprised of cuffs in my hands .