NOTE THIS IS A CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK REVIEW AND PROBABLY DOES NOT RELATE TO CURRENT STATE OF NOVEL
*I am not coming back to update the rating*
Ok, first of all you need to make your paragraphs smaller. You want your paragraphs as small as possible and seperate it by each time a new thought is started. There were litterally paragraphs covering my full screen on my phone, was worse than last review.
You need to read your chapters more before you publish them btw, you are missing some commas, and errors you didn't fix like first page ., You had that. For commas, you can try speaking out loud or in your mind SLOWER that way you can catch the pauses.
You need to put commas for but and and (most cases for and). Try to make some of your sentences shorter too. No reader wants to read a sentence that 5 lines long (on my phone). If you must make super long sentences, only do it like once a chapter.
Put a space after your ..... and also you cant out commas after that ......, You don't need to capitalize if you are still continuing the sentence, just delete the comma though if you are using that.
For things you aren't sure are right EVEN A LITTLE BIT just search what you wrote in google. like allright neesa a space.
Try not to use all caps a lot. Its rarely used ib writing for a reason, as it does not fit in almost all circumstances. If you use all caps, you should only use it for one line paragraphs, which willmostly be a scent, noise, etc. PAINNNN, AGHHH, BLOODDDD, etc.
Might be wrong about this, but I think lied is used wrongly (I think). For words that have the same sound to another meaning, ALL WAYS LOOK IT UP, too double check. Even if I'm wrong on that word, you should still do it.
Try to desribe 5 senses and emotions more too btw. The characters felt too 2D and unrealistic in their actions. Like parents seemed like they didn't care one bit other than the conversation. For example you can write "A air of gloom surrounded the table, his mom's eyes were souless, his dad started to be out of shape, growing stubs of facial hair." Make it more relatable.
Also this part is opinionated, but I feel you should change the synopsis a little bit. I just don't get the phrase, 'she was his ideal', like he loved her? He idoled her? idk don't get it.
I honestly couldn't read after C1 as I already wrote so much... I just skimmed C2 sorry couldn't finish it..
Because of this I made story development a 4 to not be biased as I haven't read enough. I marked 2 for updates as its not haitus but the speed is way too slow.
