Pick Me Gir-... Goddess?

Martha watched with silent apprehension as Nicholas pulled the canoe they'd arrived in ashore, arms crossed under her chest, "Do you require any assistance?"

Her words held a discrete message no one would really get.

Well… except for Nicholas, cause retards often operated on a similar wavelength.

The Sun had set a few moments ago, and clouds had rolled in... leaving very little natural light to work with and unfortunately, neither of them had were properly equipped to deal with the situation.

Bet a certain Dragon Witch who could turn the literal air into flames would've been really handy.

"Gotcha." Nicholas gave a small nod, flinging the oars into the boat before standing up straight and looking around with narrowed eyes, "Where?"

Martha gestured behind her with a small movement of her head, cracking her knuckles, "Though, I suspect we might not be in danger."

When it was just the two of them, the Saint of Tarascon never NEVER talked formally. The fact she was doing so told even Nicholas that they weren't alone and he trusted her.

"Power to them then I guess." The pale haired teenager shrugged off the danger and pursed his lips, using his brain for the first time in a long while, "I got it."

Martha only watched with amusement and curiosity as he pried a small piece of wood off the canoe, shaking it to get rid of the moisture and then crushed it into small fragments in his hands before walking past her and crouching down on dry sand, "Also BB, fuck off back to Gaul."

"What? She was here?" Looking around in surprise, Martha tried to find the mischievous trickster that roamed Chaldea's halls, "Huh, I couldn't tell at all."

"Me neither. Seems like that's the type of shit she'd do though so couldn't be sure."

"You know what? I agree." Martha sighed and sauntered over to her Master. She took off her cloak and laid it down neatly before plopping onto it, "That girl is a real handful sometimes."

"Yeah, I thought locking her in the bathroom would drive her off... It always worked with them sorority girls." Nicholas nodded, slowly rubbing his hands together.

And as she watched, he slowly picked up the pace to the point his hands turned into a blur and friction did the rest. 

The heat generated set fire to the few fragments of wood in his hands and he dumped them onto the pile of larger wood pieces.

"How the hell did that actually work?"

"Science, bitch."

Respectfully, science did not claim that shit.

Respectfully because there was a chance Nicholas would try to punch science itself if it was disrespectful.

"Wow." Martha clapped her hands, completely buying into his bullshit.

What reason would he have to lie?

Truth was subjective.

Nodding proudly, Nicholas reached into his trusty manny pack, pulling out two protein bars, and tossed one to Martha.

"You can have it. Servants don't really need to eat."

Nicholas ignored her and shoved his protein bar into his mouth, "Do I look like I'm hungry? Besides, who says I'm gonna share my chips?"

"...Alright." Martha relented with a smile.

The 'moment' didn't last all that long however, as a pink blur shot out of the darkness, right at Nicholas... only for him to not even bother and hold up one hand, using the other to hold his bar in his mouth.

He grabbed said 'blur' and in some messed up imitation of a shoulder throw, turned around and slammed it into the sand.

"Ehehehe! Why do you always want to play wrestle? Gimme one too! I want one of those stick thingies!"

Nicholas narrowed his eyes at the woman... of course it was a woman... 

Anyway!

Nicholas narrowed his eyes at the fox-eared woman lying at his feet, wearing traditional red coloured japanese clothes... the kind found in 'exotic' places, her pink hair was tied with ribbons but still wild in appearance.

But, what stood out most was-

"It's a damn furry."

The cat paws instead of arms and legs, and a large fluffy tail... She even wore a collar with a bell.

"Kuhum! Tamamo cat is a cat, silly. Not a furwy... What's a furwy?"

Nicholas backed away with cold eyes, "...No Russian."

Unfortunately, both of them were vocally impaired.

"And why did you attack us, miss cat?"

Fortunately, Martha was there.

She was a sensible person... well, relative to a furry and a caveman.

The Saint of Tarascon leaned down next to their 'assailant' with a harmless smile on her face, "Is this your home?"

"Erm no? I'm a land cat! Scary Goddess lady told me to stay but umm... I smelled something yummy! Yes!" The woman nodded her head up and down with a stupidly large smile plastered on her face, "She has a..."

Tamamo Cat held out her hands, still lying on the ground, trying to emphasize size, "This big! A cat?"

"...What the fuck is she even saying?"

"So said every person that encounters you." Martha fired shots with a small giggle, using the practice she had from learning to understand Nicholas to decipher what was clearly an advanced code language, "And where is this scary lady?"

"Right there!"

Martha looked in the direction she pointed to see absolutely nothing... wait, no, she could make out the outline of something resembling a cave, "Good girl."

Noticing that the wild woman was staring at the protein bar, she smiled slightly before tossing it over. She smiled even more when Tamamo Cat just leapt up and caught it with her mouth before swallowing it wrapper and all.

"Hm... not this? This tastes like week old fish!"

"Fuck you too, it's for the grind." Nicholas grumbled, finishing up his own bar.

Tamamo Cat ignored his words to sniff his leg, because that was what people did, and her eyes lit up, "You smell funny... and tasty too... Can I have a teeny weeny bite please?"

Well... at least she asked.

"Why the fuck is everyone so freaky these days?" Nicholas recoiled in slight disgust, "Is some sanity too much to ask for?"

"Look who's talking." Martha giggled again.

"Anyway! I'll take you to her! Goddess Lady can be mean sometimes but she has a good heart! Everyone should keep an open mind."

"How come she talks like that and switches to normal mode?" Nicholas deadpanned.

"A wise cat knows when to play and when to be good."

"Right."

-

"So 'Nicholas', my poor little sister was driven out and vilified by the same people that worshipped us." So-called 'Goddess Lady' spoke with sorrowful eyes that expertly hid the mischief behind the sad smile on her lips, sitting elegantly on a rock with one leg crossed over the other in a way that didn't mess up her long, white dress.

"Hm." Nicholas didn't say much, which was strange.

They'd been lead into a cave by Tamamo Cat where they met a strange purple haired goddess with twintails and she'd started telling him her story after he said he didn't give a fuck about who she was.

Martha looked like she wanted to strangle the Goddess who'd introduced herself as Stheno."

"They branded her a monster, and so we left with her... They tried to hunt her down as a trophy and she protected us, becoming what they feared in the process... but even as a Beast, she was our sister." Stheno sighed in a pronounced manner, wiping a small tear from her eye, "So, when she lost herself... we chose to hug her, knowing she would not know better than to harm us in her madness... A sad tale, is it not? No one deserves to be treated in such a manner."

That was right, any normal man would be moved to tears in front of her mannerisms and words, not to mention the tale she told.

Unfortunately, Nicholas Martel was not some normal man.

"Womp womp."

Martha put a hand over her mouth, eyes wide as she struggled between scolding him for his insensitivity while trying to stop herself from bursting out cackling.

The Goddess froze in place, shock and befuddlement all over her face.

"W-What?"

"Lady, I've dealt with enough bullshitters to know you're tryna fuck with me." Nicholas spoke blandly, pointing a finger at her with vacant eyes, "And who tells a stranger that traumatising on the first meeting?"

"But it's me, Nicholas." She took his name in a weird way, "You would trust me, wouldn't you? I might even give you a little peck."

"The fuck? No, I wouldn't." Nicholas looked at her like she was retarded, "Go open an onlyfans if you're that desperate."

Nicholas flipped the Goddess off shamelessly.

A perfect Goddess that made the hearts of legendary heroes flutter and fall for her head over heels with mere gestures... It was said that her taking a man's name would bring him insurmountable pleasure.

Stheno tried to wink at Nicholas.

"Didn't know ancient times had pick me girls... C'mon Martha, we outta here. This bitch ain't doing nun to help us." Nicholas looked at the Goddess weirdly, "Besides, I'm not interested in kids."

The Ancient Goddess had made one critical mistake.

"W-Wait! I have a reward for you if you do what I ask!" Stheno offered, waving her hands in a flustered way... It was clear that this was the first time she had been in this situation.

You see, for seduction to work, one needed to possess a certain level of thought capacity.

"We telling everybody we found a bum. Oi cat, you wanna come with?"

"Yes! I want to run free like the plain cats."

All of Nicholas' brain cells went to building more muscle and fucking around most of the time.

The grind made him impervious to seduction tactics!

And not because his little brother didn't work from steroids!

Nicholas was all natural!

"Y-You're not going to have mercy on a stranded Goddess? I... I'll curse you." Stheno gripped at her dress, lowering her head.

"You're literally a God. Why would you need a human's mercy?" Nicholas shot back without missing a beat.

"At least spend some time here! It's me, you know?"

"No." 

With a deadpan, a cackling Martha on one side and a pet ca-...er, Tamamo Cat on the other side, Nicholas walked out of the cave.

"Bye bye." Tamamo Cat enthusiastically waved her paw to say goodbye as they left.

"Not like this!"

The Goddess rushed at Nicholas.

"Alright! That's enough!"

And then, the Goddess' world turned dark.

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.

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