Chapter 40

Sleep evaded Khai as he held Ana in his arms. His large hands slowly ran down her back, subconsciously at this point. She fell asleep while sitting up on his lap, so he attempted to move her to the bed. He wanted her to sleep more comfortably, but quickly gave up on the idea when he saw how tightly she was clutching on to his t-shirt.

He placed a kiss on her forehead and pulled her tightly into him. He had done this action more times than he could count that night. His brows were furrowed in a constant worry at her pain. He could never guess that she held a sadness like this within her.

Even as she slept, her lips curved down in a subtle frown. His fingers gently traced her round forehead, moving down to her wet eyelashes. She squirmed lightly at his touch, causing him to swiftly withdraw his hand.

The silly girl had somehow convinced herself that she was at fault for his eagerness. It broke his heart that she blamed herself for something he was guilty of. But somehow, Khai sensed that there was more to it. He knew how she felt about him, he was not blind to the fondness in her eyes and actions.

At her resistance, Khai expected to have a conversation with her about needing more time. But the fear that swept through her when he tried to touch her, came as a complete shock to him. The pain in her eyes was so deep that it nearly paralyzed her and what puzzled him the most was the wave of guilt and remorse that plagued her as the fear wore off.

Something stopped Ana from being with him fully. It was not just him, he concluded that Ana could not be with anyone fully. He realized that she was at battle with herself. She fought against a wall so big that she constantly hurt herself while trying to break it down. At this point, he couldn't even muster the courage to push her to open up to him. He couldn't bear to see her relive that pain.

Reason failed him as he tried to understand how someone so innocent and pure could feel that kind of pain. Helplessness and anguish tore through him. He would set the whole world on fire, if it held anything that would hurt her.

The morning rays seeped through the windows, casting a beam of light directly on to Ana's face. She blinked and winced, slowly trying to adjust to the brightness. When she moved her hand to rub her dry eyes, a large hand came to her view, as if to shield her eyes from the harsh sunlight.

Her mind, still foggy from the deep sleep, tried to make sense of where she was. Memories from last night came flooding through her, as she realized that she had fallen asleep on Khai's lap. She snapped her head up to look at him. Every inch of his beautifully handsome face was etched with concern.

He brought a bottle of water to her lips and gently urged her to drink some.

She let out a soft sigh the cool water passed through her parched throat. "Thank you." Her hoarse voice didn't surprise her. She pressed her lips together, unsure of what to say or how to face him.

As if he was waiting for her to speak, Khai simply held her in his arms and said nothing.

When the silence became too much to bear, Ana finally spoke. "Khai, I'm sorry about last night. I understand if you want some distance." Tears welled up from the pain in her heart as she said those words out loud.

Khai stiffened before turning her to face him. He leaned his head down so his forehead touched hers. "I want you more than ever before. If you think something as menial as this could push me away, then you know nothing about how I feel Ana. You mean everything to me." He lightly kissed her nose and held her face in his palms.

His words pushed Ana to the edge and a soft whimper escaped her as she tried to pull herself together. Khai wiped her tears incessantly. "Let's just forget about what happened last night. Think of it as a bad dream. I don't want anything to change."

Ana's expression was troubled as she looked up at him. Words that he spoke to soothe her only hammered the guilt further into her heart. She was too embarrassed to meet his sincere eyes. Deep inside, she came to understand that he would accept her with all her flaws. But a new negativity sprouted within her. Did such a perfect man deserve a heart as confined as hers?

Pulling away from him felt like peeling her own skin. "I'm sorry." She whispered.

Khai kissed her forehead, then her cheeks and her eyes. His affections were relentless. All he wanted was to see her smile. He pulled her tightly to his chest, as if wanting to merge her to into him.

"Do you want to get some breakfast? Are you hungry?"

Although Ana had no appetite left in her, she agreed because she wanted him to eat. "Why don't you go shower and get changed. I'll meet you at the dining hall."

"No, I'll meet you back here. Is thirty minutes enough?"

Ana nodded and finally got off from his lap to step down from the bed. A chill surrounded her at their sudden distance, but she stood rooted to where she was. She watched Khai give her an apprehensive look as he reluctantly left her room, closing the door behind him.

The emptiness made her feel numb and unable to move for a long minute. Taking a deep breath in, she made her way to her bathroom and started to peel of her clothes. The reflection of her naked body in the mirror put her scar in full display.

Anger swept through her as she aggressively rubbed it, as if it was a stubborn stain. She pulled at her hair and gnashed her teeth as an aching groan escaped her. Feeling claustrophobic in her own skin, she trudged into the shower, hoping the water would drown her.

The next week was painfully slow for Ana and everyone around her. She tried her best to act normal, but her misery seemed to spread like a contagious virus. Meghan and George spent every second of the day with her, only leaving her if Khai was around. Their attempts to cheer her up failed miserably and the confidence and strength that she thought she had built came crumbling down like a castle of sand.

Afraid to press her to talk about their feelings, George and Meghan decided to give her some time with her thoughts. Every morning, the desolation in her eyes filled their hearts with sorrow. George cursed at the gods of for letting a rat like Sean enter Ana's life. Meghan held Ana's hand in hers as they quietly sat in her room for long hours, unable to ease her pain.

Deep down her heart, Ana knew that this would happen. She loathed herself for thinking that she had a shot at true happiness. A cynical smile formed on her lips as she recollected convincing herself that she was healing. The cracks inside her were so deep that her frail heart could never have the strength to heal them.

Although she found it useless to train anymore, everyone insisted that she continue.

Khai came to sleep in her room every night, but Ana could see that he was walking on eggshells around her. His hesitation and reluctance before every action only broke her heart further. A vicious cycle had formed, where Khai was afraid to hurt her and Ana was racked with guilt for the fear she planted in him.

Her surroundings slowly started to blur. She seemed to stand still in a world that was moving too fast for her to catch up. Chains too thick to break had wrapped themselves tightly around her, as she tried to escape the darkness that slowly surrounded her.

"Ana, Ana!" Meghan shook her friend in worry. Ana snapped out of her thoughts and focused on her surroundings. She was sitting on a table in the dining hall with George, Meghan and Khai.

"Do you still want to go to Natalie's party? We can skip it, don't worry." He squeezed her hand gently as he spoke to her.

Before Ana could answer, George spoke to the table. "We're not skipping it. I'm sick of the tough week I've had. Let's all dress up and dance till our feet turn numb!"

Meghan nodded with a smile and turned to Ana. "Your costume idea is absolutely genius. Khai and you will set that party on fire! I'll help you dress up."

"But, I have training." She muttered weakly.

"We'll train tomorrow, don't worry. We deserve a night out, lets go." Khai smiled at her softly, successfully crushing her weak resistance.

Ana nodded, agreeing to go so that her friends could be surrounded by something other than her pathetic misery.