Stumbling First steps

Wow…

I don't-I don't even know… I mean… Mushoku?

I'd like to say I was really cool about all this, that I was a true chad about the whole thing, but no, even I was a little flabbergasted at that revelation. Being reborn is one thing, but this…

This really makes you question one's sanity.

At the very least I could say I didn't panic, or rather, what the hell are you supposed to do with that information.

…

On that night of that revelation I was just a really quiet baby, and for once I didn't feel like interrupting a certain couple's lovey-dovey make up session.

I wasn't gonna get any sleep anyway.

Hitogami, huh…

I had a lot to think about.

///

"...hah…hah…" I breathe heavily. Morning exercises, and all that. Kind of normal for another world, but you gotta start somewhere. Can't ignore the basics. Gotta make Goku proud, haha.

Swing. Up. Down. Up. Down… 136…137…

It's been 2 years since then, and I can finally walk around. 

I swing a branch up and down, or sword swings as I prefer.. Besides the standard running, and crunches I am familiar with, and strengthen this two year old body.

My body isn't ready for anything heavy so this practice swings are the most it can handle. I've only just been able to walk around without stumbling after all. So no push ups and no "Real," sword training.

I also made sure to avoid any preeing eyes, specifically Paul's, at a time like these. Common sense they do not have. If they were to see me swinging my practice blade(stick). I would probably be subjected to sword training that this body is not ready for.

Probably.

I'd like to say that meta knowledge of this world would give me an advantage, but no. At least not at the moment.

Once the wave of existentialism faded, I thought I could take advantage of that, and take a few steps early.

A.k.a; early magic training. Insert training montage!

Too bad that was a bust.

After traversing the walls I finally found the books, or more specifically the chest they were in. 

Forget it though, I couldn't even open the chest let alone read the books inside it.

So despite my eager attempts to jump into the moonlit world, I was hampered by my own biology. 

148.. 149… 

Still though, at least I made quite a bit progress with Lilia and Zenith until this point. Spending plenty of time around them learning the language, as well as learning the 'common sense,' of the world. 

Honestly, it makes me wonder if I can still be called human, or more specifically, a Homosampian. This body just doesn't make sense.

150! Done, I can't take a breather now. Uwaa, muscle ache go away, go away.

Being unable to push myself physically until now, due to my age, I could only leach onto others, Zenith and Lilia… sometimes Paul, and learn as much as I can. I was already doing it a bit to a certain extent, but now they had my undivided attention. I made sure to fully focus on the contents of their lips, on what they say, and how they said it. My knowledge went up by leaps and bounds.

I was able to speak at the age of 1. 

I said my body didn't make sense, but it would make more sense if I said it's my brain that doesn't make sense. 

It's too good! What nonsense!

I hide it though. I talk as little as possible, for obvious reasons. Didn't spend all that time raising Lilia's affection stat just so she can drown me in a river.

And was then able to read at the age of 2.

Truly this brain is 'too,' good. As in, it's questionable if this is even a human brain, good.

I suppose I shouldn't be looking a gift-horse in the mouth, and all that, but human brains really don't work like that. 

I said it once, I'll say it a thousand times, but I'm a baby you know? 

It takes a while for an infant brain to be at the same level of an adult. Hell, I'm pretty sure I remember a study on earth that said; puppies are technically smarter than an infant 'til the age of two.

Simply put, all humans are born prematurely.

Even simpler, infants are idiots.

If nothing else, at least this life won't be boring in the coming years. 

Once upon a time, before my before, before I was a jobless neet. I had potential. I had average looks, above average grades, above average physique, pretty well off. I was never the best, but always at the top. Too bad it was all a waste of potential.

Story of my life. In the life before this one that is.

I had potential. Heard alot about that in life. Somewhere along the way I noticed that was enough. 

Being first place was easy enough. When you're in elementary. Then it got slightly less easy when you entered middle school, and even more so when you're in highschool. The bar gets higher and higher as you get older, and so do people's expectations, but funny enough you don't actually have to be first to be recognized.

Something I found out around my highschool days. 

So I stopped working. Did enough to get through, and that was fine. It's not like anyone cared anymore. 

Once upon a time, in that short life I had friends. They left. Had lovers they left. And somewhere along the line I just started thinking, why was I trying so hard?

Then my ankle snapped.

Following that, on a night like any other, I decided to run. No particular reason why, just because. During my athletic days, just taking some time to run was a good way to work out your problems, and get some peace and quiet. Free from everyone else. Just tranquill quietness. 

Although, running away from your troubles seems to be a habit of mine. 

In any case, it was a mistake. I ran in the dark, I couldn't see, and seriously injured myself. I needed some rest and relaxation after that. 

It was the first time in a long time that I could just rest for a while. No one was there to care, but at the same time, I didn't have to care as well. I could rest. I got slothful.

It was addicting.

Biggest mistake of my life.  Paid for it with my life.

Yeah… inserted right into Mushoku Tensei. Did not see that coming. 

That certainly does sound like the delusions of a hikikomori, but the truth lay before me. Such thoughts went through my head over the years.

Other worldly reincarnation really pushes the realm of believability, but being inserted into a fictional world… That really tests one's sanity.

Da-hell is with that! Is someone up their fucking with me. God of Isekais? Where are my gods of romantic comedy?! Refund! Is this an izanami, am I going to wake up, and realize it was all a dream?

Well, it doesn't seem like it. Fight on Rudeus!

Oh, wait, that's me. Honestly…

A person's name, as well as their birth, is not something that can be chosen, only gifted. When I was reborn in this world I thought whether I should go by old name, or current one, but when I looked at Paul and Zenith smiling faces, I remembered that a person's name is a way of honoring one's mother and father. So I kept it. It was the least I could do.

And yet it took me 6 months into this life to realize why everyone's names sounded so familiar. Why, his name sounded so familiar. It was the name of the first Isekai character I have ever read.

That was 5 years ago.

This is going to be troublesome.

"Hah, hah… hah…" 

I more or less get my heavy breathing down. And now…

Standing up on the clear field tilting my hand above my head, and…

"Water Ball," Cast a water spell. And then:

"Water ball, water ball, water ball," 3 more times for good measure, just before that headache starts setting in.

Ah, refreshing.

I take a moment to enjoy the scenery. Green fields, lively trees, a colorful garden. It's all so picturesque. Rural life may be dull, but you can't deny its beauty. Standing before a green pasture with a lake in the distance one can't help, but enjoy this peaceful scenery. 

As I thought, concentration really was the key.

The original Rudeus casted only one, before succumbing to mana fatigue. I've been pushing myself a bit before casting, for a week now, and decided to start casting not in a busy state of mind, but one where my mind is 'looser,' I didn't meditate in a past life, so I can't enter a zen state of mind like certain spellcasters you read about, but I do know fatigue, and so I try to find a work-around in the form of exhaustion. 

And try casting from there.

It was just a theory, and needs work, but the thought holds potential. The fact that I started at 3 water balls rather than 1 is proof of that.

That said; it's only now that I'm realizing how heavy my bones feel. Now onto the long walk home. Grabbing the stick I was using for practice swings, I placed it behind the tree, and prepared for the long walk home.

I can practice my "Trace on," Imitation magic when I can cast 100 water balls. Time to dry off.

///

The maid is currently rubbing me off.

"Master Rudeus, please stand still," Lilia says.

The water that is…

I don't mind, but I'm old enough to do it myself. I can run around safely outside, I think I'm old enough to dry myself off with a towel. It's very uncomfortable.

You'd think I was still a baby.

In this life, if I am to have any peace, I am going to need to get strong. Strength isn't just something I want, but a necessity. If I am not in the top 10 of the world's strongest, then this life will be truly short indeed. 

That is my first goal, my other is much simpler…

Finding happiness. 

"Thank you miss Lilia," 

I think happiness differs between people, but to me it's the smile of those around me. Something I had forgotten about once, something I want to hang onto in this one. But… 

…Miss Lilia doesn't really smile.

"Now master Rudeus, running around and having fun is good and all, but one should do all things in moderation," she stated.

"Of course,"

She ruffles my hair a bit harshly. "And yet master Rudeus seems intent, on running himself to death,"

"I ah-" I prepare an argument, but get interrupted by a sharp glare.

"Sigh, master Rudeus Lying is a bad trait for one to have. Do not disappoint your parents. They will be saddened to know that their young son is lying so easily," she sighs.

Sighing is also a bad trait. You'll grow old, you know?

"..." She stares at me. 

She can't read minds right? 

It seems Lilia can see through me better than I thought. 

"Um…perhaps Lilia can…help me?"

She lowers the towel off my head and wraps it around my neck. She only responds with a raised eyebrow. As if saying, she will not help me lie.

Lilia, Lilia, Lilia… My feelings towards Lilia… are complicated to say the least.

Lilia is a kind, beautiful woman. She is loyal, hard working, endearing, and makes wonderful meals, as I can attest. She is a beauty on top of that; long flowing hair maroon, and violet eyes. 

Don't know if such features are attractive in this world, but for someone like me, that came from a 'normal,' world, she has an otherworldly beauty about her.

Although, technically I'm the other-worlder.

And she deserved better.

Lilia was raped young, by my…

Sigh…

By my father; Paul Greyrat, and since then her life has gone to hell. 

Her and my fath-Paul, had history with each other. They both learned under the same school for a time. A school in which Paul Hated being there. Somewhere along the way Lilia developed an attraction towards him, because Ikemen I suppose, but those feelings were definitely not returned. Not in a way that is acceptable.

One night, Paul had enough of it all and decided to enact one final act of revenge before he left the dojo, and go off and become an adventurer.

So he decided to violate that place's idol; Lilia.

Don't know how much he thought about HER as a person, but I doubt Paul ever thought that her life would go down the platter, because of one night. She was simply a means to an ends.

But yes of course it did. 

This is a medieval patriarchal society, and 'used,' goods are a great shame towards one's family.

Go fuck yourself Augustas.

That's Lilia's fathers name.

Anyways, crappy thoughts aside, Augustus sent away his child in shame, and some way or another Lilia found a job, that of a maid. 

The details are a bit murky from there. I don't think it is from my lack of memory, but rather their was nothing written about it. The author chose not to focus on it, but the hints were there. Lilia had nowhere to go, and had to pick up a job as a maid, and was trained appropriately, and everything that entails.

Rape is still a crime, but with enough power you can get away with it, hence Paul. But in this world you wouldn't need to resort to force, in the physical sense, to get what you want. With enough influence you can get whatever you want simply by asking. It might not be a crime, but coercion is still coercion. An employer still has a right to fire an employee for disobeying an order.

Lilia had nowhere to go… I don't need to say more to get the idea, what orders she probably followed.

In the original work she often talks about sexual harassment, but when you get a peek of her thinking process, combined with the fact that Asura is famous for perverted nobles, than you can get an idea of what her life went like.

She probably had a reprieve from it when she had to work as the princess maid, as there's somethings you can and can not do around a princess. 

Perverted nobles or not, being executed by the king is a nice deterrent.

Unfortunately such reprieve ended tragically as well.

She was gravely injured during an assasination attempt, and could no longer fight to the same ability she once had, combined with the fact that she might be eliminated for knowing too much, her options were limited. She needed a new job. 

Then I was born.

Paul being a young father decided he might need help, and decided to hire a maid. Lilia saw this notice, and decided that, her feelings of Paul aside, she could get a fair paying job there by the countryside, and if Paul was hesitant, she could always reveal his past actions towards his wife, and give him a hint as to the type of guy she married.

That never came to be. Paul, although scum, does have 'some,' sense of honor, and gave her the job. Taking responsibility as they say.

If that was it, although tragic, it probably wouldn't have pist me off so badly, that despite my memories of Mushoku being limited, Lilia's backstory left an impression.

But no… She married her fucking rapist.

…it reads like bad porn…

Lilia was envious of Zenith's and Paul's love. She was also a little horny. Understandable, those guys are quite loud. Pretty sure if I had to listen towards my neighbors' rigorous love making sessions for 5 years I would get horny too.

But yeah… combine those two factors, as well as a mix of low self-worth due to her past, and you have the foundation of an unhealthy relationship, with no Love, not even lust, but duty.

It was disgusting as it was tragic. 

At least, it was never expanded on, but I can safely say Lilia never experienced love in that life, even if Paul probably thought she did through him, but no, that was never the case. 

If I had to describe her in a word it would be; content. Content is not happiness. 

Lilia deserves better, that's why…

"Lilia, are you by chance experienced in swordsmanship?"

She narrows her eyes a bit, I can see her thinking: what are you thinking? 

"...I was taught a bit in the water god school…why?" She asked hesitantly.

Causing me to smile. Perfect.

"That's perfect! I would like to start training in the water god school, as well," I reach my hands towards her, and give them a light squeeze. Not that I could hurt her anyway. 

I look her right in the eye."Please teach me?" I 'ask,' but I'm not taking no for an answer.

Consider this your master's selfish wish, but I have no intention of having you live such a life. You will find happiness Lilia, true happiness, of that much I promise you.