Teasing Umbridge

Umbridge was reading a copy of Defence Against the Dark Arts in the afternoon.

"Today's class task is to read the contents of the ninth, tenth, and eleventh pages of the book five times before copying them."

'Also, I want each and every one of you to recite it fluently during next week's lesson, understood?' Umbridge added with a smile as she looked around at the assembled students.

Gryffindor, as well as the Slytherin wizards, nodded unhappily as they opened their books and began to read.

Based on the previous classes, everyone could guess what they were going to do this year, which was to recite the entire book.

This was clearly not what everyone had expected from a Defence Against the Dark Arts class, as they were more interested in being able to wave their wands and practise magic, or fight against dark creatures, than in having to go through the tedious task of memorizing books every day.

Ivan was fine with it. In his previous life, as a student of exam-oriented education, memorizing books was his specialty.

Additionally, Umbridge appeared to be a very disciplined person, and all he had to do was put on an act and he would receive an excellent classroom rating and a decent amount of GPA.

This was the reason why Umbridge was able to remain in St Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries.

During the not-so-loud reading, Hermione raised her arms in an uncharacteristic gesture of hesitation.

Umbridge acted as if she didn't see them, and after briefing them on the day's tasks, she sat down in a chair at the lectern and used her droopy eyes to supervise the reading of the textbook.

Hermione showed no signs of giving up, and her arms rose higher and higher as if she were determined to fight to the end.

Ivan shook his head in exasperation at the sight.

The young wizards in the room slowly became aware of Hermione's strange behaviour and turned to look at her. The sound of reading became fainter and fainter until it finally stopped altogether.

Umbridge's tolerance seemed to have reached its limit, as she was forced to get up from her seat and question Hermione.

"Miss Granger, do you have any questions about the contents of these pages, or is there something you don't quite understand?"

"No, I'm not talking about the books," Hermione replied, standing up.

'Then please sit down, it's time for class.' Umbridge flashed a smile, revealing small, pointed teeth. 'If it's something unrelated, we can talk after class!'

"I have a question about the goals of this year's Defence Against the Dark Arts class, Professor!" Hermione said bluntly. "I see that you haven't mentioned anything in your recent class schedule about learning Defence Spells…I find that highly unreasonable!"

'Learn defensive spells? What makes you think that?' Umbridge was taken aback, and gave Hermione a quizzical look. 'You don't have to use defensive magic in my class, you don't think you're going to be attacked in class, do you, Miss Granger?'

"But what good will it do us to spend a year reciting Defensive Magical Theory? It won't do any good…" Hermione exclaimed.

"It will allow you to pass the O.W.L. exam without incident, Miss Granger!" Umbridge interrupted, looking around at the young wizards and clearing her throat.

"Due to the frequent changes in your Defence Against the Dark Arts professors over the years, your classes have fallen behind, and you are far from being able to pass your O.W.L. exams, so you will have to cram in relevant knowledge…"

"But as I understand it, to pass the O.W.L., one must master nine protective spells, namely the Obstacle Charm and the Disarming Charm." Hermione stared back at Umbridge, refusing to back down.

'No, the exam has changed since this year, Miss Granger,' Umbridge said with a smile. 'All you need to do is write down the principles behind these Charms and submit a report of at least ten feet, explaining how to prevent wizards from misusing protective magic, and then I'll decide if you pass.'

"Just reciting the textbook is not going to keep us safe!" Hermione exclaimed angrily.

'You don't have to worry about security under the Ministry's protection! All you have to worry about is passing your exams!' Umbridge snapped.

"What about Voldemort?" Harry called out suddenly.

The classroom fell silent as all eyes turned to Harry.

'What did you say, Mr Potter?' Umbridge did not seem to have heard him correctly.

"I said, we're not safe now, not after Lord Voldemort came back to life two months ago, and is lurking in the shadows with his Death Eaters, and we should be thinking more about learning how to fight than taking exams!" Harry shouted.

"Nonsense!" Umbridge said without hesitation. "You-Know-Who is known to have died eleven years ago…"

"But I saw him with my own eyes, and on the night of the Goblet of Fire, I, Ivan, Professor Dumbledore, and Sirius all fought against him! Other than that, Phoenix… there are many others who can testify!" Harry stared hard at Umbridge as he spoke.

"Perhaps it was just a dream, Mr Potter," Umbridge said slowly. "Besides, Black is a fugitive and his testimony is not convincing. As for Headmaster Dumbledore … the Daily Prophet says he may be a little confused.

"Then how do you explain the Dementors riot and the personnel riot at the Goblet of Fire?" Hermione asked again.

"It's just a mistake, Miss Granger, and the Ministry has issued an apology!" Umbridge said matter-of-factly.

Hermione did not expect Umbridge to be so shameless, and did not reply for a while.

'Anyone have any questions?' Umbridge asked triumphantly.

Seeing that Hermione and Harry were fuming, Ivan thought for a moment before speaking up for them. "If the Ministry can't do everything, then we need protective magic to protect ourselves, don't we?"

Umbridge shifted her gaze to Ivan, her eyes sharpening as she spoke in a bureaucratic tone. "The Aurors involved have been punished, and the Ministry will learn its lesson and provide you with the safest environment to study."

"Also, I heard some time ago that there was trouble in Knockturn Alley, and that you and your mother happened to live there, right? Hales? The Ministry of Magic has been hearing some very nasty rumours about you two being in Knockturn Alley…"

Umbridge began to speak more harshly, but was forcibly cut off before she could finish.

"You mean the rumour? I think I've heard it too…" Ivan's expression was faintly sardonic. "Voldemort leading the Death Eaters in an attack on Knockturn Alley and being beaten to a pulp… is that what you're referring to? I would have thought the Ministry would never believe such gossip…"

Umbridge choked and the room erupted in laughter, as it was clear that many people had heard the rumours.

'You know what I'm talking about, Hals!' Umbridge said darkly. 'The Ministry has ample evidence that your mother, Alicia Hals, was involved in causing trouble, causing disturbances, and illegally selling Dark objects…'

'The Ministry of Magic does not order magical objects from a Dark Arts shop, Professor! But I must say you are very imaginative, and perhaps you dreamed it up at some point?' Ivan said nonchalantly, ignoring Umbridge's threat.

He wasn't buying it. If there was proof, the Ministry would have done it already, and they wouldn't be here bullshitting him.

The laughter in the room grew louder, Umbridge glanced angrily over her shoulder, and the wizards fell silent.

"Twenty points off Gryffindor!" Umbridge spat, looking back at Ivan.

"Reason? Professor, have I done anything wrong? I'm just answering your questions. Is that against Hogwarts regulations?" Ivan asked innocently.

Umbridge's face froze, but she quickly regained her smile and turned to look at Hermione and Harry, who were still rooted to the spot.

"Of course you didn't do anything wrong, Mr. Harls! Miss Granger and Mr. Potter were the ones who deducted the points, and seriously disturbed the class with the intention of causing panic!"

"As I said before, it is forbidden to ask questions that are not relevant to the class. I hope you will keep this in mind. The next time you speak, please raise your hand!"

'Especially you, Harles! I've been told you often make noise in class without the professor's permission, is that right?' Umbridge challenged.

"It's just a rumor, Professor! You should have your own judgement and not believe everything you hear," Ivan said calmly. "Besides, what happens in other subjects, the professors will naturally deal with it. Don't worry!"

"After all, you are only a professor, not the head of the house, and have no right to interfere in other subjects, do you?" Ivan added.

'Good, good!' Umbridge was shaking with anger.

"Thank you for the compliment, Professor." Ivan gave a small nod of his head. "You've only been here a short time, so if you have any questions about the school rules, feel free to ask me."

Umbridge's face contorted as she glared at Ivan for a moment, then glanced at the assembled wizards. 'What are you looking at me for? If anyone fails to complete a task before the end of the lesson, I'll have to ask them to go to the brig!'

The young wizards in the classroom shuddered and hurriedly picked up the books on the table. They flipped to the corresponding pages and read aloud.

Umbridge suppressed her anger as she tried to think of a way to deal with Ivan, and moved to the chair next to the lectern.

Somehow, as Umbridge sat down, the legs of the stool at the back of the chair suddenly broke under the weight, and Umbridge, not expecting it, screamed and smashed her head against the floor, rolling awkwardly on her side before getting up.

Umbridge lost her cool and screamed, "Who did this? Show yourself!"

The young wizards present all covered their faces with their books and tried very hard to stifle their laughter. Seamus even laughed out loud.

Umbridge angrily pulled out her wand, intending to confront the wizards sitting in the front row, but, perhaps due to her bad luck, she was only able to take a few steps before she stepped on the broken leg of the stool and fell back to the ground.

Ivan shook his head in pity at Umbridge's fate.

He extended his hand, and several insects the size of flies with hideous mandibles landed on Ivan's palm, which then twisted back into small balls of paper mixed with wood shavings…

As expected, protective magic was necessary in class, or one could easily fall flat…

(PS: Misleading the reader's train of thought by withholding key dialogue or plots for later decryption is an angel's modus operandi, and you should be familiar with the first few volumes, so don't ask the protagonist why he or she didn't notice Malfoy's abnormality, because the information you get may not be correct.)