446. Miguel and MABUS ~Jazzy Oddities Part IV~

"What do you mean!?" asked Peter.

"Master Bruce said that he'll be off-world and will be inspecting the Terraforming in Mars," said Alfred, washing the dishes.

"So, what...?" asked Peter. "I can't hang out with him for today's weekly Dungeons and Dungeons and Even More Dungeons Game!?"

"Master Peter. I believe that you could just do things on your own for a change. Have your own adventure. Didn't Master Bruce want you to have your very own adventures and be yourself for a change?" smiled Alfred.

"But... Yeah! But...!"

"Get out there! Have some fun! Help people like you're supposed to! Be the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man!Go save a life again!I believe that you could do it, Master Peter! Just believe in yourself for once."

Peter smiles. "Thanks a lot, Alfred."

Peter then walks around Burnham City, Earth-777, looking for danger.

Everything seems... fine.

Peter sighs and tries to cross out the Universe in his list. Crossed out worlds include Earth-616, Prime-Earth, Earth-Grimm, and Earth-Prince.

Suddenly, crashes could be heard nearby.

"SON OF A BITCH!!!" yelled Miguel, falling to the ground in front of Peter.

"Miguel!?" asked Peter. "What the hell is going-!?"

"Parker!" yelled Miguel. "HERE!!!" Miguel enchants Peter's web-shooters. "TRAP HIM!!!"

"WHO!?!?!?" asked Peter.

Suddenly, a Ghost Rider wearing black armor with a skull on its chest while wearing torn jeans with an Eldritch Chain tied around his shoulders and a pair of Eldritch M16A1s. An odd detail about him is that he has an oval bowl over his head where the flames are contained along with his skull.

The people run away while Peter tries to shoot him with his webs.

"Pete!?" asked the Ghost Rider.

"Johnny!?" asked Peter.

"Get outta the way, kid. He knows where that piece of shit is."

"Wait... Who are you, exactly...? You don't feel like Johnny."

*RATATATATATATATATATATA!!*

Peter grabs Miguel and swings away. "Holy shit, you're heavy!"

"That's because I've gained a couple of pounds. Y'know... I shit on America a lot, but holy crap... Their food. When you start eating one, you don't stop on one bacon cheeseburger deluxe. You stop at eleventy..."

"GET DOWN!!!"

Peter swings around and blasts Eldritch webs at the Ghost Rider.

"Kid! Don't make me put you out. It isn't my job. You, too, Ibarra," the Ghost Rider spoke.

"Forget it, Castle! I can defeat you! Totes!"

"Your legs are broken."

"Yeah! And I'm still ahead of the Cosmic Ghost Rider! How embarrassing, bruh!"

"'Castle?' WAIT!!! TIME-OUT!!!"

Peter lands in front of the Ghost Rider, dropping Miguel to the ground.

"Frank...!?"

The Ghost Rider woges back to normal, revealing Frank Castle.

Meanwhile...

Bruce is not on Mars...

He's in Rick's garage.

Rick builds a robotic pyramid while Bruce argues with him from behind.

"What...!?" Rick asked with annoyance.

"I told you to heal him. Not kill him!"

"How many times do I have to tell you, Wayne...!?" asked Rick. "He needs to grow up and see that people fucking die."

"Every time I go here and beat the shit out of you, you tell me the same Goddamned thing! Why don't I believe it!? What are you hiding, Sanchez!?"

"Nothing! What would I be hiding in the first place, Dark Richie Rich!?" asked Rick. "I'm on your side! Sure, I've done some shady things, but nobody's perfect, right!? Even you, fucking Dark Nerd over here! You got Peter to kill an innocent person! That's your fault that you sent me the message! You know you can't trust me!"

"Right... I can't trust you," said Bruce, sighing. "I don't know what you're planning, but I'm glad Gabrielle demoted you."

"Uh-huh..." said Rick, working on a new device.

Bruce opens a portal and leaves.

"Is he gone?"

Rick sighs. "Yes..."

The device turns on and Bill's eye appears. "Ahahahahahahaha! Hello, Sanchez! Now... I want you to do somethin' for me..."

Now...

Peter hugs Frank. "Dude! What are you doing here! I thought you were -!"

"Yeah... Thought I was a goner, too..."

"So, what was it like... Being on the other side!"

"No... I was on the other-other side, kid."

"Oh... What!?Miguel, there must be some mistake! He saved the whole Omniverse fighting against Stefan!"

"That's not how it works, kid," said Miguel. "And I'm not the one who decides that."

"That's... awful..."

"Yeah. So where's the piece of shit?" asked Frank, grabbing the gun in his holster.

"Who are we talking about here!?" asked Peter.

"MABUS," said Frank.

"For the last time, Castle. He has a split personality," said Miguel.

"Bullshit, Ibarra," said Frank. "Aurora Morningstar told me otherwise."

"Who...!?" asked Peter.

"Rory," sighed Miguel. "She's my nemesis who kinda hates me with all her heart. And he's her lapdog."

"You made a deal with the current Devil!?" asked Peter.

"Yeah? Got a problem with that, Parker?" asked Frank.

"No! It's pretty cool!" smiled Peter. "I swear! Bruce says that these kinds of things are pretty metal!"

"Heh... Great..." said Frank. 

"Still. No deal, kid," said Miguel.

"Yeah!" yelled Peter. "I've seen him! He's a good person, now!"

"Is he?" asked Frank. "You're no psychiatrist, Ibarra. Neither are you, Peter. How about this. We talk to him. I decide whether or not he dies. And bring a psychologist to prove that shit."

"Alright, Cosmic Ghost Rider," said Miguel. "We'll talk to MABUS."

Later...

Miguel, Frank, and Peter walk around Arkham Asylum.

"Hey, Peter..." sneered Goblin.

Peter walks away. "Nope!So, this place is where Bruce keeps the villains who really need help, huh...?"

"Yep," said Miguel. "And guess who's the warden..."

"It's Bruce," said Peter.

"Bingo."

"Well, obviously," said Peter. "So... Who's the psychologist you called?"

The door opens and we meet...

"Wop! Wop!" smiled Mabel Pines, poking her cheeks with Dipper Pines.

"Sorry..." said Dipper. "My sister said she wanted to come along..."

"Hey, guys!"

"Hello, Mystery Twins. I've heard that you had a Ph.D. for this, Mr. Pines?"

"I have a Ph.D. for this. Psychology is one of my Majors," smiled Dipper. "Not to brag, but, I can totally tell when someone is crazy or not."

"Yeah!" smiled Mabel.

"Including her..." whispered Dipper to the trio.

Mabel puts stickers on Barach's face.

Barach is tied up like a crazy person.

"Would you please stop that?" asked Barach.

The group sat own before Barach, or, as Frank insists he is, MABUS.

"Hey, Barach!" smiled Dipper. "Hi!"

"Why'd you call me here...?" Barach whimpered.

"Cut the shit," said Frank. "You're wasting our fucking time. You're faking this two personality shit, aren't you?"

"What...!?" asked Barach.

Frank grabs him by the collar. 

"Frank! Stop!" yelled Dipper.

"Or what, Pines?" asked Frank.

"Or I'll exorcise you!"

The others gasp.

Dipper squints his eyes, staring at Frank.

Frank squints his eyes as well. His irises glow in flames.

Frank scoffs. "Fine." He drops Barach to the ground. "Do your little stupid psychology nonsense. I'll just shoot his face when none of you are lookin'."

"Okay... Barach...?" asked Dipper. "Are you there? Or am I talking to MABUS?"

"This is Barach."

Dipper grins. "Can I talk to MABUS?"

Barach grabs his head. "No!"

"But I want to. Or... is MABUS isn't even... real...? Maybe, MABUS is too afraid to even come out. What do you think?"

Barach is visibly annoyed.

"Hello, MABUS," smiled Dipper.

"Whoa!" smiled Mabel.

"Unbelievable!" smiled Miguel.

"Spectacular!" smiled Peter.

"How'd you do it?" smiled Mabel.

"He didn't even talk, yet," said Frank.

"Oh... I am here, indeed, Ghost Rider," spoke MABUS, with a deep and creepy voice.

"So... MABUS. Is Barach the other guy, or an act...?"

MABUS chuckled. "Fuck it... It's an act."

Miguel's eyes widen, feeling horribly betrayed. "What...!? You lied to me!? I thought you were -!"

"Better than that!? Ibarra... Look... You're a good person... Yes... But... I'm you... And even someone as good as you could end up to being someone as bad as me. You gotta accept that." MABUS looks down, feeling guilt.

Miguel frowns.

"You're feeling remorse..." said Peter, as his eyes widened.

Miguel hears these words and smiles. "There's hope..."

"I knew it-..." Frank takes out his Glock 19 and points it at MABUS, who is not afraid at all.

"Stand down, Castle," said Miguel. "That's a direct order from me."

"Fuck off, Chosen Hobo. You just won't lemme kill this evil piece of shit because he's you. And you think that because he's you, he still has a chance to be like you. Well, you're wrong, Ibarra. He's just as evil as you are."

"I can still save him, Castle."

"No, you can't! Why do you care, huh?"

"Because I couldn't save my mother," said Miguel.

Frank still points the Glock 19 square on MABUS' face.

"You're a Demon. You get it... What it's like to know where such a horrible person would end up if they continue being this way... Please... Put the Eldritch Gun down, Frank..."

"I think we should listen to Miguel," said Peter. "People deserve a chance."

"So, what? They could escape and keep killing people? You put these pieces of shit down, they get back up again. I put 'em down, they STAY DOWN!!! I don't give a fuck about your religion or your belief in second chances or even your so-called Christ. I punish pieces of shit like these fucking idiots who run around killing men, women, and children. Children, Ibarra. Do you want them to continue doing that?"

"They can change, Castle," said Miguel. "You'll snuff out that one sliver of goodness left in them. You'll destroy that last bit of goodness. I exist so God exists. If you take these people out -..."

"-Then I would've done the right thing and saved more people than an idiot like you ever did. Fuck. You sound like Red."

"Yeah. Damn straight. These are good people, Frank. Just twisted by other evil pieces of shit in the physical and spiritual realms just like them. But I've been taught that anyone could be saved. My Dad taught me that. And my other Dad... So, please... Don't kill MABUS. Listen to me."

Frank sighs. "No."

*BANG!!!*

Peter catches the bullet. "Whoa! How'd I-!?"

Frank points his other gun as Miguel punches Frank to the ground.

Frank woges and punches Miguel, who crashes outside of the hallway.

Frank walks toward Miguel.

Dipper takes out a ray gun and so does Mabel.

"Frank... We can't allow you to kill an inmate. It's against the law," said Dipper.

"Yeah! Laws suck... But laws rule, too, Weird Flaming Skeleton Person!" yelled Mabel.

"Frank..." said Peter. "The war's over."

"You killed people before..." said Frank. "I can see it in your eyes...Look into mine, Spider-Man...Feel the pain of the single soul..."

Peter gasps as he feels his throat beginning to swell. He isn't dying and he can still breathe normally, but his throat feels like it is tightening.

Peter genuflects on the ground and shivers in pain. He goes on all fours and shakes in pain.

Dipper and Mabel put on special goggles for this.

"Stop that!" yelled Miguel, warping out his sticks.

"Make me..." sneered Frank. "Look into my-..."

Miguel punches Frank in the face. "Yeah! You can't do that to me, buster!"

Peter chokes.

Dipper and Mabel shoot at Frank, who takes out a chain and spins it, blocking the laser blasts.

"VIBE CHECK!!!" Miguel looks into Frank's eyes. "Look into my eyes, Frank..."

Frank headbutts Miguel and he drops to the ground. "You think I'm an idiot!? I'm from Hell, fucktard." Frank grabs and chokes Miguel. "I only want to finish my job, Ibarra... I don't care if this makes you look bad..."

"I don't care if this makes me look bad..." said Miguel. "I just want to -!"

"To what? Reminder yourself that you're all good? You may be a hero... There may be folk songs about you... But you know that you'll never be like the others...The Christ.The Buddha.The Last Prophet.The Protestant.The President.The Reverend.You'll never be any of 'em. Because you're a mess, Ibarra. And you know it."

*THWIP!!!*

"RAUGH!!!" Frank burns as the web touched his body.

The Eldritch Webs have been blessed by Miguel.

*THWIP!!! THWIP!!!*

Frank burns even more.

"Stand down, Frank... We both know that that isn't true..." said Peter.

"You should be choking right now..." said Frank.

"I'm also technically a Priest!" smiled Dipper. "And he confessed his sins to me! Haha!"

"And I burnt his sins with a Bible!" smiled Mabel.

"You can kill me, you idiot!" yelled Frank.

"Yeah... I've done it before... Don't dare hurt Miguel. He's a good guy..."

"Fine..." said Frank. "But I'm gonna need compensation for this. Like I asked for earlier."

"Compensation!?" asked Peter.

"Okay! Fine!" sighed Miguel. "Here!"

Miguel offers a banknote that says "One-Hundred Souls" to Frank. "Take it!"

"YOU COULD'VE PAID HIM THE ENTIRE TIME!?!?" asked Peter. "I COULD'VE DIED!!!"

"No... Frank just incapacitated you. He wouldn't have killed you!" smiled Miguel. "Right, Castle?"

Frank seesaws his hand, signaling, "Probably...?"

"But... Thanks for saving me, kid!" smiled Miguel. "You did a really good job. Now, we know that MABUS is a dangerous person to lock in here, and we'll be now moving him to A.R.G.U.S.!!! I'm proud of you!"

"Huh... Thanks... Yeah! I guess I just saved the Messiah! Holy crap!" smiled Peter. "I just saved-!"

"Technically, I'm not the Messiah. Jesus is. I'm just his successor as ruler of the physical realm of the Omniverse-..."

"I SAVED JESUS!!!" yelled Peter, running around. "I SAVED JESUS!!!"

Dipper lowers his hat. "Well, Ibarra! My work here is done!"

"How are the twins?" smiled Miguel. "And the wife? Also, how'd you land that?"

Dipper rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

Frank walks away without a word and opens a portal to somewhere else.

"He doesn't talk much, does he?" asked Mabel.

"Nope!" smiled Miguel.

"Hey..." said Rick, wearing a fedora and a coat, handing Dipper files.

"Oh! Hey, Grunkle Rick! What are these...?" asked Dipper.

"Read it, nerd... *BURP!!!*" 

"It's an initiative for a team..." said Dipper, looking into the files. "'Anne Boonchoy?' 'Sasha Waybright?' 'Marcy Wu?' 'Hopediah Plantar.' 'Polly Petunia Plantar.' 'Sprig Plantar.' 'Luz Noceda.' 'Joseph Joestar.' 'That Guy Named Monroe or Whatever...' 'Nick Burkhardt...?' 'Amity Blight...' 'The Last Titan...' 'Willow Park...' 'Gus Porter...' 'Stephen Strange...' 'John Constantine...' 'Marc Spector...'I know like five of these people...Who are the others...?Our names are here, too...And Pacifica's...And Rick and Morty's...Rick!?"

Rick is gone.

"Huh..." said Miguel. "Ominous!" He smiled.

"Twenty-One people...? Why!?But the ones who are most important are-...Nicholas “Nick” Burkhardt...Mason “Dipper” Pines...Rick Sanchez...Morty Smith...Luz Noceda...Anne Boonchoy...'The Weather Reporters...?'That's a dumb name...Or is it a disguise...?"

"Well... Whatever it is... As God, I allow it.What's the worse that could happen!?" smiled Miguel.

"Right...So... I have to find for these people... But... why? And why are three of them... frogs?"

Later, Miguel sits next to MABUS, who is still tied up. He still has stickers of ponies, rainbows, and unicorns on his face.

"Can you get these things off of me? It really defeats my style..."

"I don't get it! Why did you fake all that!? I feel so... betrayed by myself..."

"Yeah... I guess... Looks like I'm the one who failed..."

"Well... At least you feel bad about it..."

"That doesn't amount to anything."

"MABUS, you felt bad about it. You're capable of feeling guilt. It makes me happy because at least there's still some humanity left in you. And that gives me a way to give you help."

"I don't deserve your help."

"Yeah. You don't. You need it. And I really believe that we could pull this off!"

"I killed our own family, Miguel... How could you even dare to look at me right now?"

"Well... I began learning to love myself!"

"And, over here!" smiled Pim, who walks along with Charlie, while showing the inspector the Asylum they helped work in. "You could see the cages where we keep The Batman's rogues-... WHAT THE F!? WHY'D YOU PEOPLE CAUSE THIS MESS!!!?"

"Fuck... Pim... I told you that we should've just bailed from working today."

"WE'RE THERAPISTS, CHARLIE!!! IT'S OUR JOB!!!"

"Ugh... Great... It's a lost cause, Pim."

"WHY ARE THERE HOLES EVERYWHERE!?!?" asked Pim. "Oh. Darn! We're going to get fired! Oh, fudge!"

"You kiss your father with that mouth?"

"Yes, I very well do, Charlie!" smiled Pim, immediately changing moods. "On the lips, even! Why'd you ask?:D"

Everyone stares at Pim.

They stay quiet for around... eight seconds...

"We're fired, aren't we?" asked Charlie.

"Yeah..." said the inspector. 

"Well, alright, then!" smiled Pim. "Don't worry, Charlie! We'll find a way to pay our debts!See you on Monday Miguel!"

"See you!" smiled Miguel.

"You, too, Peter!" smiled Pim.

"See ya!" smiled Peter.

Everyone turns to Peter.

"I lost a lot of people..." said Peter, bowing his head.

Miguel pats his head.

"Thanks... Why are your hands sticky...?" asked Peter.

"Damned stickers..."