Thoughts of the Past and Future

Janeway gave my group a week off once the bulk of the repairs were done to Voyager, as we had all put in numerous double and triple shifts. L'Naan's and Katye's contributions were obvious with their positions, while Echo got creative with her Borg technology and unique eye to 'scout' the computer system for any corruption and errors from damaged components. The Aeroponics Bay had been one of the casualties of the Hirogen, so I had to rebuild it from scratch, but that also allowed me to do it my way which nearly doubled the amount of crops that we could grow at one time. I would need to be the main person who tended to the plants needs because of my changes, but I already spent most of my duty shifts here, so fully taking over was not a big deal.

During our time off, L'Naan spent six days, doing nearly nothing else, but reliving my memories. I pulled Echo into helping me keep the core charged, further boosting Fae's time dilation, between her own training sessions as it was still a great way to increase her mana reserves by emptying them over and over. L'Naan glossed over my first, normal/boring life, mostly to get a feel of who I was back then, but it certainly was not impressive to the Klingon ex-maquis freedom fighter.

I had been a shy introverted kid that had been bullied in school and never stood up for myself. That bad habit had only continued into my adulthood, making it difficult for me to advance in my career and allowing my exes to use and abuse me. While I had grown past that trauma, the shy, introvert was still a part of who I was.

When she started the section that I wanted her to see, there was a noticeable shift in her attitude, especially the first day, but that did not mean it was a good thing. The timing had been bad, and she stopped for dinner right after the battle at the dropship. I had known that there was no escaping the Grounder forces, I knew that many of the kids around me would die, and those that did not would be taken by the Mountain, yet the only change that I had made was to heal Raven enough to prevent her from being crippled for life. I had fought against the Grounders in the battle, but I merely used the element of surprise and my powers instead of fighting fair.

With the single disgusted look that I received during the meal, I nearly expected her to stop there and just leave, but she returned to my memories. From there, she saw me meet Katye and then how we took down Mountain Weather, along with my meltdown after Lincoln died in my arms. The next day, I insisted on starting my training under Indra, though it was more like daily beatings as she preferred a hands-on method. I had a month or so where I would train with Indra, or Anya, a warrior that served Indra, which was also when my relationship with Raven officially started. Like many times during that life, the peaceful days did not last and I was separated from her to go to Azgeda, where Echo and I played double agents to pacify Queen Nia until Katye could strike her down. Unfortunately, that was another moment that stayed with me as I watched one of my friends die in the arms of his girlfriend, who had also been the closest person to Raven aside from possibly myself.

That had also been the moment when I unlocked a fraction of my Dusa form, but it was wild, uncontrollable, and fueled by hatred. My self-hatred and inability to save Finn, just like my inability to save Lincoln, had made me unconsciously tap into my true nature, though I had not known that at the time and had little control of it. 

Despite our victory against Azgeda, Praimfaya would force a small number of the population underground for five years while the rest would sadly be left to die. Out of a population of over two hundred thousand, only two thousand could be saved. And as if trying to manage that had not been difficult enough, that was when Iseto made his appearance and turned the distant clans against us, using his unique powers that were just like ours.

While I had been with Echo in Azgeda, Katye and Raven underwent a secret mission to shut down a rogue AI that would have been able to 'infect' people and control their bodies, not too dissimilar to the Borg, though ALIE made a point of making those people under her control feel 'happy' but, just like her name, it was a lie. In the show of 'The 100', she would have nearly taken over the Coalition before Clark would have been able to shut her down and free everyone.

Just like how I would always remind Janeway that it was dangerous to use my knowledge of the future, something came and replaced ALIE, which was Iseto. The first time that I tried to confront him, he had brainwashed a force of over twenty thousand men, women, and children. With Raven, Echo, and Luna, who would lead Wonkru when they emerged from underground, we came to ask for the members of the three clans that he had enslaved who were promised a place in the bunkers, at Katye's command, but instead he used his brainwashing ability against the four of us. Both Echo and Luna were mostly resistant to it while I was put into a semi-trance state, but Raven lost herself to it completely and shot me in the back.

I managed to escape with the others, Raven included, but Iseto lived and brought his forces to march on the bunkers. We tried to kill him with a missile directed at his army of over forty thousand at that point, but we only reduced it to ten to fifteen thousand with him surviving as well. We did not know if his powers could penetrate the ground, but we could not risk him turning the people within the bunkers against us, so Katye and I decided to face him ourselves. Raven and Echo demanded to follow us on this fool's errand as our powers were nowhere near our current level. 

If he had used his army stragetically, we would have had no chance, but he did not and sent them in for me to slaughter while raining down arrows in hopes of killing me, though only injuring his own forces. I fought until I had depleted both my mana and stamina, only stubbornness keeping me on my feet in a field of carnage brought by my own hand. Iseto had kept a force in reserve that were enhanced by his own power, able to use a faux-berserker state where they were stronger and faster than normal people while also not feeling pain. Katye had been the one to take them on while I could only watch from the side exhausted as the number of the group would increase by one with each team that she defeated. When she started to take injuries from her opponents, they stopped increasing the number, but the wounds kept piling up as pain and exhaustion gnawed at her. 

When I could not stand it any longer, I had barely regained any of my strength, but it did not matter. I told Echo to run with Raven then charged in to help Katye. We were able to kill what was left of Iseto's special forces, but all of our energy was spent while he was at his peak. We truly did not have the strength to fight, so he started mocking and monologuing like a typical comic book villain. Our attacks proved useless, Katye was batted away like a fly, and he held me by the throat, making me look at all of the men, women, and children that I had killed while slowly squeezing the life out of me. That was the moment that I accepted my death yet determined to bring him to hell with me, which allowed me to fully unlock my Dusa form and kill Iseto, and then heal Katye with the remaining energy before passing out.

Six days of working constantly on keeping the core topped off had made a minor improvement to my reserves, but I cut it off there as I was beyond bored of being a living battery and I wanted to talk with L'Naan. She had not spoken to anyone aside from Echo, and even then, it was the bare minimum. Honestly, it seemed like she was ready to pack her bags and leave and, while I would not stop her, it would certainly hurt.

L'Naan stayed within the Mental Plane for a while longer, after I cut my connection to the core, but Fae said that she wanted some time to collect her thoughts. I did not argue and headed up to the second floor where I got myself a bottle of Spirit Wine. Katye and Echo were both training, but as I pulled out a glass, Echo woke up, so I grabbed her a cup as well.

"Thanks," Echo said as she moved over to the table where I was headed with the bottle and cups.

"No problem," I sighed as I sat down and poured us both a drink.

"Worried about her decision?" she asked.

"She wasn't exactly a willing party to all of this like you and Raven. I can't blame her if she wants to leave, but it will still hurt. I care about her," I replied.

"If she leaves then she wasn't worthy of being one of us," Echo said with a bit of a snort, taking her drink and downing it in one go.

I smirked and shook my head, "Not everyone wants to fight their way through life to chase power."

"She's Klingon. We've seen that battle-hungry look in her eyes when we spar or challenge the holo-deck, even before she got powers like ours. Her fear is still the same as when we were pulled into Sancu's twisted game, only now she fears Istar and his group."

"Which I certainly can't blame."

"I can. So what if we might be placed in dangerous positions to pull you and Katye into some challenge? Is it any different than being sent out to assassinate the head of a minor tribe as a ten-year-old child? Being thrown into an uncharted region of space, alone and struggling to find your way home? At least Istar gives us some kind of compensation. Raven is far stronger than she should be considering the three years that we spent in that little world; she nearly caught me twice while I waited to strike which you wouldn't be able to do without using your Chaos Storm." 

"I don't think telling her to 'man up' is quite the right approach."

"It worked for you in Azgeda," she retorted with a smirk and pushed her cup towards me to refill.

I gave her a wry smile while I poured her drink, remembering our time in the Ice Nation. If the four of us had known back then that we would all be together, it would have made things a lot easier, but while I claimed to see the future, that obviously was not true. Instead I had to suffer several months of sleeping next to her naked while I did everything that I could to remain loyal to Raven and not touch the vixen that would beg for my touch.

Echo, picking up on my stray thought, grabbed her drink and huffed, "I never begged."

"Oh, I quite remember, 'Oh, Octavia, right there. Faster, faster… please, I'm so clo…'," I teased before she launched a small bolt of icy energy at my forehead to silence me.

"That was to keep our cover and nothing more," she growled with a hint of redness in her cheeks.

"Mmhmm, and I can't get you back into that exact same position if I wanted to?" I taunted, letting my mind wander through some of the fun activities that we had over the years.

While I was thankful that Echo had gotten my mind off of my concerns for L'Naan, they all came rushing back as L'Naan stood up and stretched. She did not say anything, but walked over to us and sat down. I passed my cup over to her since I had yet to take a drink before creating a similar one out of ice with the wave of my hand.

[Show off.] Echo commented silently.

I ignored her remarked and waited for L'Naan to say something. She took the glass and downed it as Echo had then pushed it forward for a refill. I did not question or rush her, and simply filled her glass as well as my own.

"You were a coward," L'Naan finally said, drawing Echo's anger.

"I was," I agreed, not denying the truth. "My first life, I never stood up for myself and let people walk all over me. Even when I entered the world of 'The 100', I still had that mindset and hid amongst the other children that the Ark sent to Earth rather than stepping forward. Forty-seven kids died because I never stepped forward and took charge or tried to make contact with the Grounders, which is something that I have never forgotten. When I buried those that I could after the battle at the dropship, I promised myself that I would stop hiding from my responsibility. I've still made mistakes moving forward, but I've made a point to work harder and be better, especially once I learned the truth about myself."

"Then what about your responsibility to Raven?" 

"What about it? I went after her, 'we' went after her, and succeeded against Sancu's prediction. The reason that she was taken away from us is because there is much more for her to gain by overcoming the Borg herself. I didn't understand it myself, but she and Susanna told me that if she can succeed, she can get a Legacy that will put her on par with Katye and myself, for a time at least. It was her decision to save me from the Borg, and it is her decision to remain with them."

"Legacy?" Echo asked.

"Soul Power, Mental Power, and a special bloodline that fits her," I explained.

"Why haven't I gotten that offer?" she complained.

"Probably because Raven's fitted this 'universe' better than your powers. Hers relate to tech, and you can't get much better tech than the Borg," I replied with a shrug.

"Damn… we better pick something suited for me for the next one," she grumbled.

"You want to be in the same position as Raven?" L'Naan could not help but ask.

"If it means closing the gap between me and her, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Nothing that Istar and his group has thrown at us is worse than what I experienced before meeting Becca and Katye. Look, L'Naan, if you just want to have fun, that's one thing, but actually staying with us means that you can't stop. Becca is too nice to say it but staying with her means facing death and worse everyday. The core of her power can destroy a universe that's on a much grander scale than this one, and we are here to help her stay in control by assisting her in any way that we can, even if it means our deaths. I don't like it, but I'd do it for her without hesitation because I know that she would do the same for me. That's what it means to be a part of this group, so… do you have that conviction?" Echo questioned, holding nothing back.

It was bittersweet to hear her speak so casually of her being used to help me grow. After being freed from Nia's control, you would think that she would never want to be bound to another, yet she had attached herself to Katye and me because we were family. Soft, tender moments may not be her thing, but the loyalty in her heart was something that could never be questioned, nor the love that she had for us.

"You can't watch the majority of a person's life without feeling something for them," L'Naan sighed. "If it was a simple fight, I wouldn't question it, but what's the point when they change the rules? I don't want to be told to die just to see if Rebecca can keep her sanity with the loss."

"Tori wouldn't dare," I growled darkly, gray flames appearing on my shoulders. "Raven isn't dead and wants her chance, but if you think for a moment that we are staying on Voyager when it returns to the Alpha Quadrant without her then you can fuck off."

Surprisingly, L'Naan smirked and shook her head, "No, that's one thing that I would never question… I can't after feeling your feelings for her, but the thing is, you haven't lost anyone close to you in years. They are testing you, training you, for the 'real world', right? It's got to happen eventually, and who would it be other than one of the three of us who aren't 'special'."

I gritted my teeth as she said something that had been in the back of my mind for years. As terrible as it was, I knew that she was right. In the violent universe of the Endless Firmament, death loomed over everyone's head, especially those with strong potential like Katye and me, and if our opponents could not get at us, they would target those we cared about. Dystina had seen it countless throughout her long life, losing lovers and children alike. Her past would no doubt be similar to my future…

"Then we die fighting," Echo stated, cutting off my train of thought. "I'd rather live my life with the people I love, face challenges that I could never dream of, and see a universe beyond my imagination than be a coward in the face of death and never try."

There was anger in L'Naan's eyes as she glared at Echo and jumped to her feet, but Echo did not look away, meeting her gaze with calm determination. It was moments like this that reminded me just how alike the two stubborn women in my life were as they could pull out the best and worst in each other. 

The cup in L'Naan's hand shattered under her grip and she bared her teeth while growling, "I'm no coward."

"Then quit your bitching about what we can't control. The choice is simple, stay or go," Echo snapped.

For a moment, I thought L'Naan was going to throw herself over the table at Echo or storm out, but surprisingly, she dropped back onto her seat and held out her had to me as she said, "I'm going nowhere."

Echo smirked and finished her drink. [I told you that she just needed a kick in the ass.]

[I shall defer to you with all Klingon-related problems from now on, o' wise master.] I sent back silently and I tended to L'Naan's hand.