KABANATA 45

Hera's whole body trembled uncontrollably. The sight of Lucas, standing in front of her brother's house is making her head spinned. Hindi niya inaakala na makikita ulit ang lalaki na nagparamdam sa kaniya ng sakit at nagparanas sa kaniya ng hirap. After all the years had passed, akala ni Hera ay patay na ito at hindi na magpapakita pa, but why the heck is he here?

Nakatayo lang silang dalawa at magkaharap. Kahit na ilang metro lang naman ang layo nila sa isa't isa, pakiramdam ni Hera ay nasa isang malayong lugar ang lalaki. Mag aanim na taon na ang nakalipas mula noong huli niyang nakita si Lucas. Those years were never been easy. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa rin niya magawang kalimutan ang nakaraan. Kaya hindi nakakapagtaka kung nakakaramdam siya ng ganitong takot kay Lucas.

What he did to her was unforgiving. She almost lost her daughter Chantal because of him. Kahit na hindi pa rin siya nakaka-move on sa nakaraan, pinilit ni Hera na magbulag bulagan para lang mabigyan ng masayang buhay ang kaniyang anak. She thought after all those years, Lucas won't find her anymore. Well it's not like she expected him too.

"I-I asked what are you doing here?" Kahit na ayaw ni Hera magpadala sa kaniyang takot, hindi niya mapigilan ang sarili. The moment she saw Lucas again, all the memories of him making her suffer resurfaced again into her mind. Nang makita niya ulit ito, wala siyang ibang nararamdaman kung hindi ang takot at galit.

She's mad because of what he did but at the same time scared. What if he comes here to get her daughter and abused her again? Hindi niya ata makakayanan iyon. Hanggang ngayon ay hindi pa nga siya nakakalimot sa ginawa nito noon, dadagdagan pa ba nito?

Sinamaan ng tingin ni Hera ang nakatulalang si Lucas sa kaniya. Gusto niyang sigawan ang lalaki. Hilain ang buhok nito at saktan ito kagaya ng ginawa nito sa kaniya, but then, she can't. She just can't bring herself to hurt Lucas and she doesn't know why at all.

Lucas were just staring back at her as if he still couldn't believe she was in front of her. Ang ekspresyon ng mukha nito ay hindi niya maipaliwanag. Ilang taon na ang nakalipas mula noong huli niya itong nakita at isa lang masasabi niya, maliban sa nagbago ang mukha at atmospera ng lalaki, wala nang nagbago pa.

He may still have a shitty personality.

Hera told herself and what she probably thought was true. Baka ganoon pa rin ang ugali ng lalaki. Baka nanakit pa rin ito at baka ay–

Natigilan si Hera nang sa gitna ng kaniyang pag-iisip ay nakaagaw ng pansin sa kaniya ang pamilyar na jacket nito. Namilog ang mga mata niya nang maalala kung saan iyon nakita.

It's the same jacket as the kidnapper wore that time!

"Y-you! A-ang kapal talaga ng mukha mo!" galit na bulyaw ni Hera at hindi na napigilan ang sarili na sumabog sa kabila ng takot na kaniyang nararamdaman. Napakislot si Lucas nang dahil sa kaniyang pag sigaw.

Akala ni Hera ay ngayon lang siya nakita ni Lucas dahil sa gulat sa mga mata nito but then, hindi man lang niya napansin na ang lalaki pala noong isang araw na muntik nang kidnapin si Chantal ay walang iba kung hindi si Lucas. Right now, she couldn't help but feel glad knowing that Chantal wasn't here.

So he really did come here just to get Chantal. Hindi niya hahayaan na makuha nito ang kaniyang anak. Ang kapal ng mukha nito para–

"H-hera..." She flinched when he called out her name. Mabilis na winaksi ni Hera ang mga pamilyar na emosyon na bumalot sa kaniyang puso.

"C-can we talk?" he asked in a low voice. Kung sino sigurong tao ang nakakakilala kay Lucas noon at makikita ang ugali nito ngayon ay matatawa na lang dahil sa biglaang pagbabago ng ugali. Kahit na ilang taon na ang lumipas, hindi siya naniniwala na nagbago na nga ito nang tuluyan.

After all, he was the man who made her suffer and almost killed her daughter. She can't just trust his face right now.

"About what? W-we're already okay, w-why did you come h-here?" nabasag ang kaniyang boses nang sabihin niya ang mga katagang iyon. Hindi mapigilan ang mga emosyon na lumukob sa kaniyang puso. Takot, sakit, pagkamuhi at iba pang emosyon na hindi niya mapangalanan. All those emotions were trapped inside her heart for how many years. Ngayon lang niya napalabas ang mga emosyong iyon.

Lucas, wearing a wasted and broken expression open his mouth and immediately close it. He looks guilty. Ang mukha nito ay nagsasabi na ayaw nito ng away at pinagsisisihan na nito ang lahat. But then, was that five years already enough? It's not. Sa loob ng limang taon, kahit kailan ay hindi niya nakita si Lucas para humingi ng tawad.

Those five years, she healed herself without Lucas' apology. She healed herself without anyone's help. And now bumalik ito para humingi ng tawad? Is he thinking that letting her live without bothering her in those five years is already enough? Is he thinking that she'll forgive him after all those years?

Kahit kailan ay hinding-hindi iyan mangyayari. If he really regretted it that badly, then why didn't he chase her and only come back now when it's already too late?

Mas lalong nanikip ang puso ni Hera nang makitang lumapit si Lucas sa kaniya at tumigil sa kaniyang harap. She was supposed to stay away from him and run but then, she can't. Hindi siya makagalaw. Nagkatitigan silang dalawa. There was something on Lucas' eyes that she just can't tell. It was empty just like hers.

Now that he was so close, hindi mapigilan ni Ann pagmasdan ang kabuuan ng lalaki. Malaki ang eyebags nito at medyo maitim. Although he looks fresh from the shower, he still looks wretched. Pumayat din ito at hindi kagaya noon, mukhang wala ng pag-asa pa si Lucas at parang gugustuhin na lang ang mamatay.

"I-i'm sorry..." he broke down and slowly kneeled in front of her. Mariin na kinagat ni Hera ang kaniyang labi sa punto na nagdugo na iyon.

Why? Why now?

Gusto niyang tanungin ang lalaki pero hindi niya magawang ibuka ang kaniyang labi. Sa totoo lang, sa kabila ng ginawang pananakit ni Lucas sa kaniya noon, hindi niya pa rin mapigilan ang sarili na mahalin ito. If it weren't for her child, she would have stay beside him kahit na sinasaktan na siya nito.

Ganoon niya ito kamahal. Kung hindi lang siguro siya buntis sa mga panahong sinaktan siya nito, hindi siguro siya magagalit. The only reason why she's so mad at him right now was because he takes to much time just to apologize. Alam ni Hera na wala sa sarili si Lucas sa mga panahon na iyon at nasasaktan siya para sa lalaki. But then why?

Bakit pa kailangan na hayaan siya nito mamuhay at magdusa ng ilang taon at ngayon lang humingi ng tawad? Kung tutuusin, if he only apologized months later after she ran away, she might have forgive him but it will still take time. Hindi siguro siya maghihirap na palakihin ang kaniyang anak at hindi siguro siya nagdurusa sa sakit.

Instead of showing early, he choose to stay away for five or maybe how maybe how many years. Hindi siya naniniwala na hindi siya mahanap ni Lucas dahil kung tutuusin, kayang-kaya siyang hanapin nito ng isang araw lang but then, he choose to not work himself.

Iyon ang mas lalong nagpapasakit, nagpapagalit at nagpapalito sa kaniya. It makes her think na ang dahilan kung bakit hindi nagpakita si Lucas sa nakalipas na limang taon ay dahil talagang sinadya nito ang ginawa nito sa kaniya noong mga panahong iyon. Na nasa tamang pag-iisip ang lalaki kapag sinasaktan siya. Ayaw niyang maniwala pero hindi nagpakita si Lucas sa kaniya.

It only means that he was aware yet he still makes her suffer. It hurts her so much to the point that it breaks her down when she realizes it.

"Am... Am I too late?" walang buhay na tanong nito. Mas lalong dumiin ang kaniyang pagkakakagat sa kaniyang labi. Hera can feel the blood slowly flowing down. Hindi niya iyon pinansin at blangko lang na tinitigan ang lalaki na nakaluhod sa kaniyang harap. Lucas was looking down on her feet and couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"Yes... You're way too late." Napapikit si Hera sa sakit at tahimik na pinahiran ang mainit na luha na tumulo sa kaniyang pisngi. Akala niya ay susuko si Lucas matapos niyang sabihin iyon pero nagulat na lang siya nang yakapin ng lalaki ang kaniyang bewang.

Nanigas ang kaniyang buong katawan na para bang na paralisa iyon. She didn't expect him to move and hug her. She thought he'll give up since that's how he already is from the start.

"Why did you come back? E-ever since I've realized you won't show up, binaon ko na sa limot ang nararamdaman ko para sa 'yo. Ang sakit L-lucas, akala ko... h-hindi mo ako hahayaan mag-isa. E-even though you're at f-fault, I'm still willing to forgive. Pero huli na ang lahat. I-I can't forgive you a-anymore ang sakit-sakit na. P-please..." she sobbed.

As much as she hated, feared and loved him, letting herself be free from all these shackles should be her first priority. Sawang-sawa na siya na masaktan. She can't let herself be broken because of this. Dahil alam niya kung sino ang mas lalong masasaktan, ito ay ang kaniyang anak. Since she promised to give her daughter, Chantal a happy and painless life, she must save herself first.

Lucas can only cry silently while watching Hera's figure slowly getting away from him. Parang hinihiwa ang kaniyang puso habang nakatingin sa papalayong likod nito. He comes here to ask for forgiveness but then, it became like this.

Pakiramdam niya ay isang pagkakamali ang magpunta rito. He shouldn't have come here. While looking at her back, Lucas felt like he wouldn't see her again. That's why he obviously can't let her go now...

"H-hera! Wait!"

Mabilis pa sa cheetah na tumayo si Lucas at sinundan si Hera. He can't let her go. Especially now, he just can't let Hera go.

Gamit ang buong lakas, tumakbo si Lucas para maabutan ang babae. Hera was already crossing the road. Nanlaki ang kaniyang mga mata kasabay nang paglakas nang pintig ng kaniyang puso nang makarinig nanah malakas na busina ng kotse.

Napatingin si Lucas sa kalsada at doon, nakita niya ang isang truck na pagewang-gewang. Halos mahulog ang kaniyang puso at kahit na alam ni Lucas na hindi niya maabot si Hera, he still extended his arm as if reaching the woman.

Dumagundong ang malakas na tunog nang pagkakabangga ng kotse at ng katawan ni Hera. Lucas can see on his eyes how Hera's body rolled on the road.

"Hera!" His heart clenched so painfully as he ran towards the woman he loved. Mabilis na niyakap niya ang duguang katawan ni Hera. Nanginginig ang kaniyang buong katawan. Sobrang ingay ng paligid at parang nagkakagulo na. Pero wala roon ang kaniyang atensyon. He was looking at Hers who's lying lifelessly in front of him.

Dahan-dahan na itinaas niya ang kaniyang nanginginig na kamay at hinawakan ang duguang mukha nito. Dahan-dahan ang kaniyang bawat galaw. Sa takot na baka mas lalo niyang masaktan ang babae at sa takot na baka bigla na lang pumikit ang mga mata nito.

That's the last thing he wanted and he can't afford seeing her being like that.

"H-hera... P-please baby don't close your eyes," he begged. Nagsimulang manubig ang kaniyang mga mata. He never felt so hurt and scared before.

Ang mga mata ni Hera ay nakatitig sa kaniya. It was slowly closing in.

"I-i'm sorry..." she replied as she closed her eyes. Mas lalong nanginig ang buo niyang katawan dahil doon. He hugged her so tight as he screamed the name of the woman he loved.