Ch 21 Giving Up Smashed

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"Alright, Severus, you ready?"

Severus shrugged. "I suppose."

"Nervous?" asked Lily quietly, her eyes fixed on the door to the seemingly darkened classroom in which her house-mate was throwing her party. Luckily, it didn't seem to be a very big thing, as she was very anxious about tonight. Severus had been agreeable to all of her suggestions for how he should dress, although lacking in any real enthusiasm. Still, he had done all she could have asked of him, even if he didn't really seem to care at all about how he looked. Normally, she would have been in perfect agreement with this, but this was different; she wanted him to make a particularly good impression upon the people attending the party, and while she liked how he normally was, that didn't mean that they would...

"Not really," replied Severus with an indifferent nod.

"That makes one of us," muttered Lily to herself, before turning to Severus and nodding slowly. "Right...do you remember what you're supposed to do?"

"Be polite and friendly, courteous even."

"Right," Lily took a deep breath. "Let's go inside."

Severus nodded again, and the two quickly walked up to the door and knocked once, whereupon it swung open to reveal Sabrina, who threw Severus a dirty look before grinning at Lily as she gushed at the top of her lungs, "Lily! I'm so glad you could come tonight; you never attend these parties with me!"

Lily sighed mentally; it seemed that Sabrina hadn't changed her mind about Severus yet. "Well, tonight's an exception, I guess. It's good to see you too." At a glance around the room, Lily was reminded why she never attended these parties herself; it was little more than a bunch of jam-packed teenagers talking to each other, with a refreshment table positively covered with various snacks and a single punch bowl. Music played, but it wasn't quite difficult to speak or make herself heard. The attendees seemed to be a mix of Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors, with a few Ravenclaws and Slytherins as well.

"Indeed, Miss Percival, good to see you." Severus spoke politely, but Lily noticed the narrowing of his eyes. "Are you here with Lupin, I suppose?"

Sabrina seemed rather embarrassed. "Uh...actually, not, not that it's any of your business really."

"I suppose not," replied Severus gravely, glancing at Lily as if to say 'can we please move on to someone...else?'.

Taking the hint, Lily said that they wanted to look around and talk to some of the other attendees, and Sabrina wished them (well, her really) good luck. Severus' relief was palpable, but he still maintained his politeness as he bid the Gryffindor girl farewell. Glancing around for someone she recognized, she whispered in Severus' ear, "Nicely done, just keep that up and we shouldn't have any trouble at all."

Severus' lack of enthusiasm was obvious. "Terrific..."

Lily frowned at that, but quickly saw someone that made her grin: Mary MacDonald was sitting over in a rather drabby corner, seeming rather bored as her eyes swept over the book in her hands, their current DADA textbook. She seemed to notice the pair of them, as she nodded once in their direction, before returning her attention to her book. Glad to see her, Lily threaded her way through the thronging students quickly, Severus trailing behind. "Hey, Mary, glad to see you here."

"It's good to see you too, Lily, Mr. Snape." Nodding at each of them in turn, her eyes lingering...curiously on Severus, Mary turned to Lily. "I heard that Sabrina's seen you already. Ironic that for someone who takes such pride in her appearance, herself and her family that she cannot seem to master the concept of volume...although I suppose that might have been due to nervousness."

"Nervousness?" Lily raised an eyebrow, noticing Severus doing the same thing out of the corner of her eye. "Why would she be nervous? She goes to these parties all the time...and Remus isn't here, is he?"

Mary shrugged, an amused smirk on her face as she replied, "I don't know if he's here, really. But the reason that she's nervous, well..." She glanced at Severus, before leaning in to whisper to Lily, "She's been acting really strange all night, going on and on to me about how she shouldn't feel guilty about going to a party without Remus, that she's not his girlfriend or anything. Frankly, I think that she's trying to convince herself more than she's trying to convince me."

Glancing at Severus, who pretended to be studiously examining the punch bowl, Lily replied in a whisper of her own, "But why isn't she going with Remus? I mean, it's not as if they have to declare anything...and they aren't exactly fooling anyone. Three Prefects have already caught them snogging between classes or at night. Everyone knows they're together."

"Well..." Mary put a finger to her chin, scratching it slightly as she 'hmm'ed'. "You know how Remus is rather...poor, right?"

"Of course."

Peering at Severus again, the brunette Gryffindor continued, "Per Sabrina, her dad's been very interested in marrying her off well. The Percivals might be distant relations to Dumbledore, but that doesn't mean that they are as wealthy as some of the other pureblood families, the Malfoys and Blacks for instance."

Lily was barely able to keep from shouting. "And he's forbidding them to see each other?"

"Not yet, although I don't think he knows that she's involved with Remus at all." Mary frowned, almost seeming to speak to herself as she whispered, "That's what's really weird..."

Lily nodded slowly. "Yes, it certainly is."

There was a brief pause, then Mary spoke again, this time at a more normal tone of volume, "What's particularly aggravating is that she's dragged me to this party as her 'back-up', in case something should go wrong. I've got to finish this bloody homework for DADA, and it's due tomorrow."

"Didn't Skeith assign the paper two weeks ago?" It was Severus, who seemed to have noticed that their private conversation was at an end.

"Yes," replied Mary testily. "I would have done it three days ago, thank you, but I was rather busy panicking over our bloody Patronus and I forgot. The man should be hung for making that such a big part of our grade, really."

"Perhaps Severus could help you," cut in Lily, seeing an opportunity and grabbing it. Putting a hand on Severus' shoulder, she pointed out truthfully, "I mean, you know how he's got top grades in DADA, except for the Patronus thing. He could easily help you get an 'O', I'm sure of it!"

Mary glanced at Severus before returning her gaze to Lily, an annoyed look on her face."I'm not particularly interested in getting help from anyone, not even Mr. 'I already know more about the class than the instructor' here, thank you. I just need a bit of time to work on it in peace is all." Turning to Severus she muttered, "No offence, Mr. Snape."

"None taken."

Lily held her hands up placatingly. "Mary, I'm not trying to insult your skills; I just thought that maybe you would want some help is all."

"I know that, but I'm fine. I just need to finish writing it is all, and really, you are being quite distracting." She looked again at Severus with a quirk of a smile, before whispering to Lily, "Why not just have fun at the party? You're going a little overboard, don't you think?"

Remembering the hunted look that had been gracing Severus' face far too often of late, Lily shook her head, her voice hardening slightly as she replied, "Not even remotely." Turning back to Severus, Lily continued, "Come on, Sev, let's mix and mingle. Theres dozens of people here and the night is still young!"

Severus rolled his eyes, but allowed her to lead him back into the crowd.

Lily sighed as she watched Severus talking to a Hufflepuff boy, fifth year perhaps-She didn't recognize him from any of her classes. It didn't matter, she supposed as she watched him giving that oh-so-polite smile. She doubted that she'd ever speak to him, even as he chatted smilingly with Severus. She could tell already what would happen, the boy glancing around the room wildly with that fake smile pasted on. Any minute, he would 'suddenly' see a friend or something that, and apologize politely, then quickly leave without looking back. She knew it, the boy knew it, and so did Severus, who nevertheless continued his poor attempts at friendliness.

It was nothing more than a repeat of what had happened the entire night, albeit somewhat nicer than the rest of Severus' attempts at friend-making. Severus would sigh, and then go up to talk to someone, maintaining a calm politeness all the while. In return, they would quickly...decline (laughing in his face in some instances), leaving him looking tiredly at Lily, taking another sip of the punch in his hand before trying again with the next person. He had gone through fifteen already (she had watched each and every one), with no takers. Although Lily didn't want him to give up, as she wasn't quite ready to give up, she had begun to mentally term it a fiasco...and a fiasco it was...

"Does it appeal to you I wonder, Severus' friends only being the ones you want?"

Instead of trying to argue with the mocking words of Evelyn Matthews, still haunting her weeks after the fact, Lily preferred to watch Severus, that brilliant, loyal boy who called her his best friend. He had spent the past couple hours getting mocked and put down, again and again, all because she had asked it of him. True, it was for his benefit to begin with, but it didn't take Dumbledore to see that he had no interest in this at all, only doing it because she wanted him to. Really, it was quite sweet of him, she had to admit, and just so...cute. She took another sip of the delicious fruit punch in her hand to cover her blooming smile.

She wanted to hug him right then, and had they been alone, she surely would have. She just felt so warm right now thinking about it, like her whole body had lain curled up next to the fire in the Gryffindor Common Room, and who could deserve it more than Sev? Really, would anyone else she knew put themselves out like this? Watching him, she returned her attention to what they were saying.

Severus had already reached the point he sounded both irritated and desperate. "Well, if you don't care much for Potions or DADA...perhaps you would be interested in Gobstones. I learned a bit about that when I was younger..."

"..."

At the lack of response, Severus glared at the boy until he muttered, "Uh...maybe, I'll have to think about it."

Alright, he wasn't doing a great job of being charming, she had to admit, but did that really matter all that much? She just wanted them to hang out with Severus and chat for a few minutes, not become best friends for life! Did any of them, those cruel, careless people even care about that? Did he deserve to be treated as a piece of dirt by everyone? Why did they do it anyway? Was it because he was a Slytherin? Poor? A Halfblood? She didn't know anymore... He was trying so hard...what more could they ask of him?

"Look...I've got some...stuff to do for tomorrow, so goodbye Snape." And with that, the boy quickly fled the conversation, leaving Severus sighing dismally.

Turning to her, he asked quietly, his empty cup of punch held limply in his hands, "Is that enough do you think, Lily? We've been at it for quite a while with no results..."

Reluctantly, Lily looked into his dark eyes, silently begging for mercy. Nodding sadly, she acquiesced, "Alright, Severus. I think you've done qui-"

"Why, hello there!" Whipping her head around, Lily nearly ran right into a Ravenclaw boy as he stood between her and Severus, bright white teeth gleaming as he smiled at both of them. "You must be Severus Snape...and Lily Eben?"

"Evans, thank you," replied Lily with a quizzical look at the boy. With his blond hair and toothy grin, she was vaguely reminded of a picture or two she had seen in one of Petunia's magazines. "And what was your name, again?"

He blinked, startled from apparent shock, and then grinned as he offered her a hand. "Gilderoy's the name, Gilderoy Lockhart."

"I...see." Lily frowned, recognizing the name. Gilderoy was a seventh-year rather well-known as an insensitive braggart, always claiming that he was one of the best students in Ravenclaw...but then again Severus was rather well-known for being a scummy friend, a scummy blood-traitor, a scummy Death Eater, and worse still, so perhaps it was exaggeration. Pointing in Severus' direction, Lily smiled as she introduced her friend, "Well, this is Severus." Deciding to talk him up a bit, she went on, "He's one of the best students of our year, top of the class at Potions, and invented a few already! Heck, he teaches me half the time!" She left out that she taught him the other half, figuring it didn't matter in this case; she wasn't trying to show how smart she was, after all.

"And so it is! How nice to meet you, Mr. Snape!" Grinning brightly at Severus, Gilderoy shook the hand of the suspicious young man. "I've heard so much about you; you're the best student in Ol' Sluggy's class from sixth year, or so I heard. Nothing compared to me, of course, but still not bad! Still, I'd be willing to let you be an acquaintance of mine, if you're interested."

Severus' eyes smoldered and he opened his mouth to speak. Fearing he was about to drive off the first boy who seemed remotely interested in talking to him, Lily nudged him in the side and jerked her head in Gilderoy's direction. Giving her an annoyed look, he said coolly, "Perhaps I'd be interested...Gilderoy. Are you interested in Potions professionally, by chance?"

The blond-haired boy laughed, grinning as he replied, "Well, I've got so many options it's sometimes hard to decide, but perhaps publishing a new invention or two in Potions would be a good way to begin my career. I've got three Potions Masters interested in having me show them my ideas already, haven't you heard? Not sure if I'll say yes, though. So many things to do!"

Lily raised an eyebrow, absent-mindedly tracing her hand against something warm as she spoke, "I thought that you had to pass your N.E.W.T.s to even get a Potions Master to talk to you."

Gilderoy blinked, seeming caught off guard. "Uh...I guess for someone of my skills, they decided to make an exception. Sometimes you just can't hold back greatness, and with my work on the thirteenth use of dragon's blood... I didn't tell you about that, did I? Well..."

As he continued to speak, Severus bent over and murmured two words into her ear, "Incorrigible. Liar."

Overtaken by a fit of the giggles, Lily needed to brace herself against Severus (how long had her hand been there?) to keep from falling over, as suddenly dizzy as she felt. Taking another gulp of punch to steady herself, she whispered back, "Maybe he's just a little full of himself?" Sure, he did seem to be a lying braggart, but he seemed harmless enough, she supposed. Besides, he did seem interested in being friends with Severus...

Using one hand to gesture at Gilderoy as the boy continued to ramble on to an inattentive audience Severus asked weakly, "A little? Lily, he makes Potter look-"

A bored-sounding voice interrupted him before he got going, "Hey, Snape, a word." It was Mulciber, looking down at Severus and Lily as if they were something he scraped off his boot. "Someone told me to come get you, and they're right outside the classroom."

Severus looked down at his own feet, seeming rather tired as he spoke, "Alright, I'll go see what they want... Be back in a few minutes."

"Are you sure, Severus?" Lily asked, glaring at Mulciber as she spoke, both of her hands on her hips now. "I doubt there's anything your...friends could want from you if they're going to be this rude."

"Friends with Snape?"Mulciber laughed loudly, a great snorting, derisive laugh, although Lily noticed his eyes glancing around nervously. "You're positively barking! I wouldn't be friends with a disgusting little piece of slime like him if you paid me a thousand galleons! Not that either of you could afford it, anyway."

There was a pause, during which Mulciber smirked triumphantly, in which his words seemed to roll around in her head, mocking her. Her face burned with heated rage; half the problems she and Severus had had over the past year were probably thanks to him, and he had the audacity to stand there and laugh at him?

"That's rather rude, isn't it?" It was Gilderoy, who seemed to have realized they were no longer listening to him. "I mean, you may not care much for the chap, but there's no need for rudeness, is there!"

"Thank you, Gilderoy." Lily smiled at the Ravenclaw, then turned toward the other, far more hateful blond and spoke furiously, "Mulciber, I already know that you're a disgustingly evil creep, but I'd think that you'd be more grateful to someone helping you out so much, wouldn't you? That perhaps you'd have some remote sense of gratitude."

Already turning to walk away, Mulciber glanced back with a sneer. "I have no need to explain myself to a filthy little Mudblood. Back off before I have to put you in your place."

"Well, let's see what..." Lily turned to Severus for support, only to see him looking at her with pleading eyes, red-faced with embarrassment. He grasped one of her hands in his own as he shook his head frantically. Sighing, she muttered, "Never mind."

Mulciber chuckled in amusement, even as Severus whispered to her, "Thanks... I'll be right back, I guess."

And with a small smile at her and an appraising glance at the nervous-seeming Gilderoy, he left.

With Severus gone, Lily sipped at her punch as she glared at Mulciber, hoping that he would leave without her having to spare another word talking to the toerag. Seeming amused at her anger, Mulciber merely watched her with a mirthful grin. Gilderoy glanced nervously between the two of them, seeming rather weak without his smile. Finally, the Ravenclaw boy whispered to her, "Perhaps it would be best to see if there's any more punch; you seem to be running low and all..."

She gave him an annoyed glare. "No."

The staring contest continued for another minute before Mulciber sighed theatrically. "Well, slime, I think that I've wasted enough time dealing with you and the half-blood beggar. Farewell, and please try not to stink up our castle!"

He started to leave, guffawing at his own 'wit', when a cold voice spoke, "Hello, Mulciber."

Almost instantly, he whirled around, drawing his wand as he did so, his eyes scanning frantically before falling upon a figure behind Lily. His voice filled with loathing, he spat out, "MacDonald!"

Instinctively getting out from between then, Lily looked over her shoulder at Mary, and shuddered. The girl had a cold sneer on her face, but it was the sheer hatred in her eyes that made Lily almost pity Mulciber for whatever he had done to make her this angry. An eye on his wand and a hand on her own, the other girl spoke without a touch of amusement, "Mulciber, why are you even here? Didn't you just get out of the Hospital Wing yesterday?"

"Like I'd be scared of some pathetic Mudblood! It's not even a good joke!" shouted Mulciber angrily, but Lily could hear a touch of...was that nervousness in his voice? "I'll be going now though, better things to do than deal with filth like you."

"Sure you do..." Mary smirked even as Mulciber stormed off. Turning around, she chuckled and walked back to her corner, not even seeming to notice Lily's presence as she left.

"Alright, that was a bit weird," muttered Lily to herself.

"It's a good thing he left," said Gilderoy with a triumphant grin. "For his sake at least."

Lily nodded grimly. "Yeah, I don't think I've ever seen Mulciber back down like that; Mary must've really-"

"I could've hexed him, of course, but I didn't want to really hurt him...but when he threatened Mary." continued Gilderoy, not even seeming to notice Lily's snort. "...well, let's just say that I've got more than a few tricks up my sleeve. Best in my class for my year, the O.W.L. tester said, but the spells I was using weren't course material and all-"

"Gilderoy," interrupted Lily, not quite up to listening to him prattle on about himself, no matter how grateful she was that he seemed willing to be Severus' friend. Frankly, she had been getting worried that he wouldn't find anyone...although she could already tell he was going to get on her nerves. Gritting her teeth, she offered him in thanks. "Thanks for sticking up for Severus, you seem like an alright sort."

Gilderoy grinned brightly, shaking her hand vigorously. "Well, the headmaster said I would have been head boy this year, but he didn't want the other students to get jealous and attack me. Doesn't mean I won't stick up for the little guy though!" He lowered his voice to a conspiratorial whisper, "I would like to know when to deliver my Potions homework though...or does he just need the assignment first, and does the rest himself?"

Lily just stared at him, stunned. "What?"

"Does he do it a different way? I'll admit I'm not entirely sure about how he's going to be handling our homework. Does he have some secret method, or something?" Gilderoy continued grinning, laughing in a way that showed off his perfect teeth. "How does he do your Potions work?"

"Wait...you want him to do your homework for you?" Lily whispered, her eyes widening as she stared at him in horror. "That's the whole reason you want him to be your friend?"

"Don't worry, it's not like I'll keep him from doing yours or anything!" replied a laughing Gilderoy with his trademark grin, not seeming to notice her tone. "Very clever of you, getting him to do so much of it for you, but then again people like us have far better things to do than mere homework, don't we?"

"You, you..." Lily was speechless, images swimming through her mind of people mocking Severus, swirling around Gilderoy's head.

"...because he exists..." James in the past...

"...Snape, Snape, Snivellus! Snap..." All those students...

"...disgusting piece of slime like him..." Mulciber...

"...Severus, I've got a little theory..." Evelyn...

"I just have one question to ask you," said Gilderoy seriously, not noticing as Lily watched him, mouth agape. "Is he aggravating and rude to his friends all the time? Or is it just say...most of the time? Even great men have limits, you know? Hmm, Evans?"

He never saw the blow coming.

"Hey Lily, how are you doing?" asked James, seeming far away as he spoke.

Lily stared into her cup of punch, not drinking, just watching as it rippled each time she tapped it with her finger. The sounds of music echoed around, having risen in volume as the night had worn on, the teens' exuberance winning past their fear of getting caught. She probably should have told someone off, or at least gotten them to tone it down a little, but she found it difficult to do more than just sit in her own little dark corner, rather woozy, wondering where Severus was.

"That was a nice hit! Dunno if I've ever seen you hit anyone half that hard!" James was talking to her eagerly, trying to draw her into a conversation.

She tried to humor him, even though she had difficulty paying attention right then. "Yeah, I don't think I did..."

"It was incredible!" He paused, quickly saying, "not that you should be going around hitting people or anything, but it was still a really good one. He'll probably have a bloody nose for a week...well, if he doesn't go to Madam Pomfrey."

Lily sighed, glancing up at him, his brown eyes looking worriedly down at her. "It didn't help much though... It was still a disaster."

"Well..." James floundered, seeming to debate what to say. Finally, he said, "Don't feel too bad about it. I mean, you tried, right? It's not your fault that Lockhart is a giant wanker, right?"

"I wanted to find Severus a friend," said Lily simply, watching as James looked away from her. "After three hours, Lockhart was the best I could find."

"Right..." James lapsed into silence, avoiding her gaze. It wasn't until she turned back to her punch that he spoke again. "You know, Lily...I've been meaning to ask..."

"Ask?"

James swallowed then spoke, sounding as if he were being extra-careful to get his words right, "Remember what I asked you back at the funeral? About the tour around Europe? Well...I think it might be a good idea for you, to get away for a bit afterward."

Lily blinked at him. "Get away for a bit?"

James nodded vigorously. "Yeah, I mean all this drama with Snape, Matthews and your father's death on top of it...wouldn't you want to do something simple and fun for a change or something?"

Frowning, Lily looked at him, noticing the worry in his eyes as he looked back. She considered...then shrugged, unsure if she cared right then. "I...I don't know. I'll think about it, alright? Besides, I've got to get my mom's permission for that I'm sure."

"Alright, now I was-"

"Oi, Prongs!" It was Sirius, seeming torn between urgency and laughter. "Peter's gotten himself stuck in something again, the twit! I think it was those Slytherins again. Mind helping?"

James seemed to consider for a moment, before shrugging. "Alright, Padfoot! I'm coming!" Turning to Lily, he muttered, "I'll see you tomorrow, I guess. Be sure to think about it, alright?"

And with that, he was gone. Lily felt mild relief as she returned to seeking her reflection in the liquid in her cup; not that she particularly wanted to avoid him or anything, she just wasn't in the mood for...anything really. Where was Severus anyway? True, it had been only about twenty minutes since he left, but it was a painfully long twenty minutes-

Suddenly, the door slammed, and Severus stormed inside, his black eyes filled with a strange mix of fury...and something else that Lily couldn't quite name at this time. His head whipped around, his gaze scouring the room until it fell upon her, whereupon he seemed to ease up fractionally. Feeling rather lethargic, she watched as, barely seeming to notice anyone else's presence, he managed to slip through the crowd to her. Upon reaching her though, he swayed, almost losing his balance before saying distantly, "Hey, Lily."

"H-hey, Sev." Lily swallowed, her head bowed low as she stared into the cup again, realizing with a jolt that it was empty. Blinking, she asked Severus, "Have a good chat with...I dunno, your Slytherin buddies and all?"

"Hardly...and it wasn't with my Slytherin friends." Severus frowned, a dark look on his face as he sat down, chugging down some of the ever-present punch before continuing, "Evelyn wanted to apologize, said she was sorry for what had happened, didn't mean it and all."

Lily's eyes narrowed with anger, and she spat, "Of course she didn't mean it, the little harlot; it's just a coincidence that exams are coming up in about a month..."

"Right..." Severus frowned, looking down at his hands. "By the way, what happened to Gilderoy?"

Lily's face darkened, as she found herself glaring at Severus, suddenly almost furious at him. "Never say his name again, alright? Rotten little traitorous fink!"

"It's alright..." shrugged Severus, putting an arm around her shoulder as he sighed. "I didn't like him much anyway."

"Mmm..." Lily leaned a little bit into him, too tired to speak. Hearing him sigh again, she looked up, watching his face as he closed his eyes, seeming exhausted too. This close, she could see the frown lines that seemed to be embedding his face, as well as the dark circles underneath his red-rimmed eyes. They only added to her guilt, to her failure... What else could she do to fix it? What else could he do? They had both been trying everything they could, and nothing had worked, nothing at all... Closing her eyes too, unable to look at him, she whispered, "Sev...I'm sorry."

She felt him move, probably looking down at her while she kept her own eyes shut in shame. He spoke in confusion, his breath puffing warmly against her forehead. "Why are you sorry, Lily?"

Feeling inexplicably frightened, Lily replied, still in a voice so soft it was barely more than a murmur, "I couldn't do anything to help you...I can't do anything to help you... You're my best friend and you're miserable because of... And I...I'm horrible. What kind of pathetic person can't even manage to make her best friend happy?"

"It's not your fault, Lily. Really it's not..." He paused, seeming to struggle with something, then suggested quietly, somehow audible over the music, "Maybe all we have to do is try a little bit harder, be a little bit nicer. I've never been all that good at making friends. Perha-"

Bile rising in her throat, Lily shouted, "No!"

Opening her eyes, Lily looked at her best friend, who seemed quite bewildered now. In a quieter tone, she went on, "No, Severus, we're not going to do that, not anymore." A snarl entered her voice, anger roaring through her. "Why should you have to jump through a thousand hoops so they'll accept you as worthy of consideration? Hmm? It's not like you're a murderer or rapist or anything! There's loads of worse people in this school, so why should you be the one who has to bow and scrape for them?"

There was silence as she finished, save for the music in the background, Severus merely staring silently at her as if she had gone quite mad. Lily wondered if perhaps it were true; she certainly seemed to be out of control tonight, that was for sure. Swallowing, she looked in his eyes and admitted, both to herself and him, "It's hopeless, Sev, completely and utterly hopeless. They...they're just not going to change their minds, no matter what we do." She chuckled, her laughter sounding like sobbing even to her own ears. "I thought that if I could get you away from those people...that everything would be alright. You've been so unhappy, and I thought that I could help you..."

Severus watched her, his eyes unmoving, his only movement his right arm as it wrapped around her stomach, drawing her closer to him.

"...but I was wrong, Severus. I can't help you..." whispered Lily, a single tear slipping down her cheek as she smiled a hollow smile. "...I can't help anyone. With all the damage I've done, what kind of friend can I claim to be?"

There was a brief pause, during which Severus frowned at her...then he shook his head, his lips quirking into an almost-smile..

"A foolish one, that's for sure," Severus spoke in quiet, honest tones, chiding her lightly as he held her close. "You, a poor friend?" He shook his head, snorting in disbelief. "I can't even begin to see how you could ever consider such an absurd proposition. You've been by far the best thing that has ever happened to me, and you think yourself insufficiently good to me?"

"Severus, you don't seem to understand." Lily protested feebly, wanting to show Severus that he was wrong about her, even though part of her felt a sense of warmth rising with every word he spoke. "I...I tried to help, but I just-"

"Lily," Severus interrupted, his determined, dark eyes so close that they were all she could see. "tonight was a disaster, just like every single blasted time you had me kissing up to those twits you want me to call friends. You're perfectly right to say that it was a waste of time, a horrible, disgusting waste. I could have told you that long before we came up to this room."

"See? That's what I'm-"

"You see," Severus continued with a slight, tender smile, placing a finger to her lips to silence her, shifting so they were parallel to one another. "it was yet another foolish, inane gesture in a host of foolish, inane gestures that you have performed, the majority of which I either avoid or endure. Again and again, you do things like this, absurd things that seem to completely ignore common sense or how the world works, all probably due to some of your ridiculous Gryffindor zeal. One could very easily ask me why I put up with this...but that completely ignores the reason I consider you my best friend."

Lily hugged him tightly, tears falling from her cheeks as he spoke.

Pulling her closer still, his pallid cheek now touching hers as his lips rested not even an inch from her now-shivering ear, he whispered, "You've never looked at me as if I were some pitiful, pathetic reject from the slums, hated by his father and ignored by his mother. You look at me as if I could be-maybe even am-someone amazing or incredible, like I could change the world if I put my mind to it. When I disappoint, you get so mad, like you can't even begin to understand how I could have possibly failed so drastically. Evel..." He paused, grimacing, "A former friend of mine once told me that you only seem to really notice when I mess up, never when Potter, Black, or Percival do, forgiving them so quickly and easily. I agreed with her, and I hate it when you do that, I really do..."

Lily quivered in his grasp, listening intently...feeling a small surge of unease along with no small amount of heat, as if the air had been stolen from around her.

"...but at the same time, you keep trying to help me, even when I don't want or perhaps don't need my help, trying harder than you try for anyone...trying harder than anyone else has, and I find myself not minding in the slightest." He shook his head, his lips brushing against her cheek as he spoke, maddeningly close, "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I could hate you for all the mistakes you have made, when that you've caused me misery...or cherish you for all the times you've been there to help me, when you've been at my side with your faith in me burning a bright hole in your sleeves, trusting me to be so much more than I am." He held his lips to her cheek, in an almost-kiss as he whispered, tracing the words upon her skin, "I know which I choose."

Lily blushed heatedly, feeling a wondrous warmth coursing through her body at his words, rising even higher when his lips touched her, until she let out a short gasp. Breathing heavily, she leaned back, her eyes devouring his face as she tried to think about what he had said. Did he really think that she only cared when he messed up? She noticed when the others...she just...he was her best friend, so...Severus was right. However...

"Severus..." she said finally, watching him watching her, openness and embarrassment seeming to war on his face, the former winning. "I don't know... I never thought of it that way before, really... I guess I should have thought about how it seemed. It's just...you know that you really underestimate yourself?"

Severus frowned, looking at her curiously. "I underestimate myself?"

"Yes, you do." Lily smiled at him, leaning in closer as she lowered her voice, a tinge of huskiness entering. "It's why I always get so...angry when I see you settling for 'friends' like Mulciber, Avery and...her. I keep thinking to myself, why does he let them...use him like that? It took me a while to get it...but that's what it was. They used you, wanted to take away everything good about you, and I hated it. I thought that things would be so much better if I could just get you some real friends, friends who wouldn't take advantage of you... Well, that hasn't worked well to be honest, but if they only looked..." She leaned even closer, her smile widening as she let her lips graze his ear as she spoke. "Then maybe they would see what I see."

"W-what you see?" stuttered Severus, breathing heavily.

"Yes, what I see," breathed Lily, unable to resist the impulse to graze his ear with her teeth, closing her eyes.

"I see someone who is brilliant..." She pecked his cheek, the flesh shivering.

"...someone who is loyal..." She nipped his jaw, he let out a low groan, his hands seeming to skip up and down her back.

"...someone who is honest..." She kissed his mouth lightly, smiling as she pulled away, feeling almost giddy as she traced her lips with her tongue. Had it really been so long since the last time?

"...and someone who manages to add meaning into even the simplest of gestures. You mean so-" She was interrupted when he surged forward with a growl, his lips clamping down on hers in a rough, heated kiss.

Not to be out-done, she kissed him back with equal passion, her words forgotten in the moan that escaped her lips. Opening her eyes to look at him again, she noticed that most of the room was staring at them, not having vanished when she forgot their presence. Blushing heatedly, she opened her mouth to say something...

...then Severus started using his tongue, slipping it inside her mouth and tracing the back of her teeth before attacking her own. Her eyes fluttering shut, she decided she had more important business to attend to as she wrapped her hands around his torso and crushed herself against his warm body. Let them watch...