Chapter 26: The Footballo-Television Complex

A/N: First half was thought up earlier. Second half was inspired by Liverpool's victory over Athletico Dark Arts last night. If you dont like football you'll probably not like it.

March 1984

Things were going relatively well for the first time in years. The country was at peace, things were working like clockwork. The only sore point now was the rate at which my 140 billion in US T Bonds was being burned. Its simple Maths, the average government salary increased 250% over previous years due to Up-or-Out but the overall manpower in government offices had only reduced by 25% so far. So the net effect was that my annual budget expenditure had increased just under 2x. That was quite a lot and the shortfall had to be funded from the American Deal Money.

The expenditure on construction projects was an altogether different matter. Once Siemens had finished the Commercial part of the Spine of Iraq we had put out a tender for the Passenger Corridor. Siemens won again, their bid for the passenger line was a lot less but what took the cake was they proposed to set up train engine and bogey manufacturing hubs in one of the newer SEZs west of Baghdad, which was essentially an empty desert.

In any case, Kamal had not so subtly suggested that I put the brakes on my grand plans else we risked going bankrupt before the fruits of my earlier plans could be harvested. I begrudgingly agreed with him but not before I got him to sign off on a slightly cheaper plan that had been on my wishlist for a while.

In my original timeline the Media had already become the most powerful tool on the planet. If you could control the message you could control people's thinking. I had always been fascinated by the way the tech superstars of my time operated...the so called FANG. If you looked at Google for example, they offered a very powerful platform with a lot of additional services completely free of cost such as the search engine, Android OS, gmail etc. At one point Google had even planned to provide free WiFi in underserved parts of the world using balloons. Philanthropic? Hardly. They had essentially tapped into the idea of network externalities. By bringing a huge number of people onto a common and free platform run by you, you skipped all the myriad rules of somebody else's game and basically became the rule setter yourself. The cost of providing that free platform was negligible compared to the profits to be earned in upselling to that huge captive audience. And the biggest benefit? Once the audience had become used to and embedded with your platform it would be very hard for anyone else to dislodge them.

And that's how I came up with Operation Teletubbies...a free TV for every household in Iraq playing Saddam's chosen content all day every day. 30 million people, so roughly 6-7 million TVs. Exorbitant? Hardly, a drop in the water really. The bigger cost would be extending the existing cable network up and down the Spine and to cities off the Spine like Erbil.

Did I plan to play patriotic Saddam messages all day to brainwash the population like some crackpot East Asian despot? Hardly. But I would show what I wanted the people to get used to seeing. TV and movies have a great way of normalizing certain behaviours, not always for the good but definitely something I planned to use.

Part 2 involved using one of my favourite pastimes and something that kept a former Empire culturally relevant...football. In my original timeline I had seen the sheer soft power of the English Premier League and the goodwill it engendered worldwide. This was almost a decade before the formation of that league and I planned to beat the Brits to it.

Earlier in the year I had roped in Iraqi legend Falah Hassan to become the new head of the Iraqi FA. As one of the few Iraqis who had played in a top team in Europe he had a wealth of experience that we planned to exploit.

In a meeting with the Council of Ministers, Falah and the McKinsey consultant who had been aiding him presented their plan for a new era of Iraqi football.

"Gentlemen and lady," Falah began by unveiling an exaggerated map of Iraq highlighting the Spine with dots along it representing the various existing football clubs of the country. "Thank you for your time. I present to you the Iraqi Premier League for Football."

Nobody clapped. There was smoke and silence in the air.

He cleared his throat and looked at me. I smiled encouragingly. He seemed to gain his confidence back and soldiered on, "We have many divisions in our nation. But one thing we all love is football!"

Laila al-Najafi snorted loudly and said, "Speak for the men. Utter waste of time like most of the things you'll do."

All the men in the room shifted uncomfortably and avoided meeting her gaze. She was a chain smoking 55 year old native of Najaf who had risen through a poor and patriarchal background to earn a degree in urban planning and architecture. I had placed her as my Minister of Urban Planning to plan ahead for the impending massive urbanisation across the Spine. I was incredibly impressed with the lioness. Kamal had suggested I was scared of her. I threatened to disappear his family.

"Right yes of course Banabshen," Falah said chuckling weakly. "It still is the national pastime and well-followed although I can attest that the standard of football infrastructure in Iraq is quite a ways off that in Europe."

Everyone around the room nodded. Falah looked sad and rightly so. It was widely thought in Iraq that in his prime he could have been amongst the best in the world. But the talent was wasted in Iraq.

"But we need not wait to catch up to Europe," he said warming to his topic. "We can leapfrog them! Imagine an Iraqi League with a quality better than anywhere else in the world. Even if no one else follows us the Arab world itself has a similar population to Europe. Imagine all of them following Iraqi football closely. It starts with football and then we become leaders of hearts and minds!"

He was laying it on thick but he was getting nods and murmurs of approval from around the room. I wasnt sure how many agreed with the plan and how many were in a state of awe to meet a footballing hero.

"Get to the plan already. I have actual work to do today," Laila said snappily.

Falah coughed uncomfortably again and said, "Yes yes! So the plan is simple. An 18 team top league with the Government graciously funding the total prize pool of 10 million dollars every year. The participating teams would also get to keep whatever they make in actual ticket sales."

This announcement set off a round of excited chatter around the room. 10 million dollars as a prize pool wasn't that great considering English Premier League teams shared about 2 billion dollars a year in 2021. But for the time and for the country it was a huge amount. Even the bottom ranked team would become suddenly very profitable.

"Hold on, hold on," said Jalal Talabani, wagging his cigarette in Falahs direction. "Who decides the 18 teams of the league?"

Of course he would be the one to bring that up. Probably worried that Erbil Sports Club would get gypped. The fact that the Spine was only now being extended to Erbil was a sore point for him. He always convenient forgot the war.

"That's a great question," replied Falah enthusiastically, probably thankful that someone other than Laila had spoken. "In the first season, the top 18 clubs by revenue will automatically get to play."

That set a round of angry chatter.

"Please gentlemen...please allow me to finish," Falah pleased folding his hands together. "The issue we have is that unlike in Europe we dont have an existing multi level pyramid of teams across the country. Things are quite haphazard. It also doesnt make sense for a country of our size to make a new pyramid. So what we're proposing is that every year there will be a 2 month period wherein a cup competition will be held on an open invitation basis for any team that wishes to join the League in the following season. The cup winner will automatically be included in the League while the 2nd to 4th placed teams will have playoff games to determine the 2nd side promoted."

That smoothed some ruffled feathers in the room including Talabani's, "That sounds fair he said. But tell me something. This 10 million prize pool is fine but how will this tournament grow without additional sources of income."

"Another great question sir," Falah replied happily. I noticed that Talabani seemed pleased in spite of himself. "Currently with the President's incredible program to provide each household with a free TV as well as the Consumer transport corridor we expect that domestic viewership and game attendance will ramp up exponentially. Later, when there is interest across the world to watch the League, the Government will sell TV rights in interested countries and has agreed to split the broadcasting revenues on a 50:50 basis with the clubs."

Another Minister chirped up now, "What about the national team? How does this plan affect our national team. I'm getting old and I want to see us in the World Cup before I die."

Falah placed a hand over his heart, "That is my greatest wish as well Minister. This program wont directly affect the Iraqi National team in the short run. But in the next few years because of the money in the sport we can expect to see better youth players emerging and better training facilities. My personal hope is that by World Cup 90 if not 86 we'll see an Iraqi team on the biggest stage."

"If not Mr Hassan, I expect you to come out of retirement and start playing again!" the same Minister said loudly setting of cringeworthy laughter in the room.

Laila gave me the stink eye across the table and I shrank into my seat involuntarily.