- 32 章コンテンツ
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The world is bright, even brighter than what I imagined. The first seventeen years were dull, spending all my time touching all things, pretending to be satisfied with the texture of it. Mom whispered, "The world is cruel, it's better for you not to see it." Dad uttered, "Secrets are meant to be secrets. If you heard that "access denied" don't ever cross it." The confrontation lacks weight as they try to intoxicate me with various information as I grow up. Let me ask you, what's essential? Is it your sense of smell, your privilege to hear things, your ability to taste everything, or is it your hands? Ever considered living without your sight, who are you? You define yourself as to what people tell you. You dress yourself the way they wanted too coz after all, it's their satisfaction that matter. You touch things to feel it, hoping your brain can understand what's behind a rough or a fine surface. From the start, you are seeing things differently to what they see for your eyes are their mouth and they only tell lies. Grandma said, "Be contented Lucy. You are denied of something for you are gifted about something. Isn't it fair?" Grandpa said, "You'll realize it as you grow older. You'll realize in time how having no sight is more of a fortune than a disgrace." Until I get older and my egocentric psyche grows with me, holding my hand and even taking over me. I wanted what's theirs, I wanted to have those. Let me have it please. Let me have a chance to see until I regret it. Regret seeing my mother cried in your hands, you cruel beast. You deserve to die. Let her live. Discord server:
"Mom, is everything okay?", I asked mom when I heard clashing noises in the kitchen.
My hands were gripping over two of the pillars of the stairs, inserting my head in between, kneeling on the ground. After a loud bang came silence as if everyone became mute. I know Mom and Dad's there. I even heard them laughing earlier.
"Lucy!", the sound of mom's footsteps echoed in that area.
"Mom, are you okay?", I keep lending my hand expecting her to accept it.
After a few minutes, I felt someone assisting me at my core, making me stand up.
"Go to your room honey. Mom's just preparing food. Come one, let's go. One step at a time."
Every step I make, she counts from one to three. She never lets me fall down. Me being a 14 years old, with no sight needs her. Without her, my incomplete life will be more of a mess, ever more than what it is right now.
"Mom, where's dad?", I even insisted asking.
"He's helping me at the kitchen. We're at your bed now. Do you want to lay down?"
"No Mom. Are you gonna leave?", I asked.
"I'll be preparing our dinner honey. Mom's gonna come back after.", she said and patted my shoulders.
I heard a little commotions before she plugged the headphones on my ears.
"Listen honey, just listen and sing along with the song. Whatever noise you're going to here, just ignore it."
She said before hugging me and playing the music on.
The lyrics go on as I feel mom's leaving. It says, "It's as easy as one, two, three, do you see what I do? Truth or dare, yes I double dare you. You, you me, yeah I think you got it. Once last breath and just spin the bottle now. You know you don’t need to be so worried. Even though below I'm still thinking bout it."
Marianas trench, I grow up listening to that band. It's my Mom who influenced me a lot with the songs I am jamming along. Somehow, digging to the band's songs made me feel I wasn't alone, it was pure misfortune.
As the music gets low, I heard screams but I was so pressed at my seat. Not really because I'm so attached with the song, but I was enamoured with my mom's wise mouth. She calms me down and shushed all my demons battling within me. So who am I to stymie her plans?
The next song played. It was from the same artist. This time, it was more of a heartbreaking song than of a pop rock. The background noises from the kitchen are now tolerable. No one's screaming anymore. All was quiet than of a person sobbing.
"Mom?", nobody answered.
"How've you been? Can I come in?
Just came to get my things and then I guess I'm leaving.
If I could say what you'd like to hear
I'd whisper in your ear it's only temporary
But I've been taking you for granted.",
The song keeps playing, the sobs continue and it's becoming louder, somehow nearer to my ear. A cold hand touched me from the back of my ear to my chin, before a kiss landed on my forehead. Her hands are wet and liquids started flowing from my face down to my neck. I don't know but I am getting scared.
That person covered me with blanket. I keep calling her mom but nobody answers.
"I know that I remember you
I think that you remember me too
How can one of us still feel blessed when the other one's lost
I know you've got to feel the change
It just gets worse when it stays the same
How can one of us still feel blessed when the other one's so lost.", the melody goes on.
I wasn't able to sing along with it til I heard mom.
"Can we sing it together now?", she said and hugged me.
She wasn't letting go of that hug and we sang the song together.
"Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need
What goes around don't come around
Don't you know me by now?
Better than, better than,
better than, you should know me
Better than, better than,
better than, you should know me
Better than, better than,
better than, you should know me
Better than,
I should know you as well
Better than, better than,
Better than, you should know me
Better than, better than,
Better than, you should know me
Better than, better than,
Better than, you should know me
Better than,
You should know me by now"
When the music stopped, I heard the sirens approaches.
"Mom is everything alright?"
My heart keeps skipping its beat but she doesn't mind. She keeps on brushing my hair with her fingers and just ignores my question. Then somebody grabbed me away from her.
And that was the last time I felt her. I was driven away from her. I was driven away and understood nothing about what happened that night.
