30.Bittersweet

The party went on all night, James hasn't talked to Alice yet. She still in front of him, not too far away but it feels like miles apart. He waited to made chances to talk with her, it felt like a long night for him. All he did is drink and watch people have fun except him. He's in the middle of the crowd but felt alone and lonely.

Alice glanced at James sometimes, she still felt nervous when around him. Her feelings were mixed with guilt and shame. She wanted to talk to her but those guilty of being rude was chained her legs and she couldn't move them until now.

James had no idea how many cigars had been smoked by him. That's the only thing that could make his evening didn't feel like crap. He felt uncomfortable when he's at the party but no one talked to him. It reminds him of the night when Christy broke up with him, it brought backs bad memories.

His intention to come to this party was to forget everything about his Ex-girlfriend, but it turned into reminiscing the night that made him drink a lot of liquor and couldn't get up from bed for days. Who knows it'll be turned like this, it went so well the first time but now he talking to the moon all alone with only his phone as a friend. Hoped that someone on the other side to talked back to him, just to make sure he's not alone.

James never interests in technology, that's why he barely touched his phone. Even when he's in the empty and boring apartment he didn't touch his phone but right now he held it like he holding jewelry. Hold it so tight at his hand and did nothing with it.

He checked if there's any messages or emails from work. Turned out no one came or told him anything. James's not sure if he can hold his faith in sitting do nothing in the middle of strangers. Its almost midnight and the party wasn't over, he looked at Alice and she was still quiet and pretend like didn't see him.

James couldn't hold it anymore, he put off his cigar and stood up ready to walks out from this place. He thought that there's still a cab around this time, and he couldn't wait any longer. He didn't want to sit like a fool alone and watched everyone having fun except him.

Alice saw him stood up and walked toward the door, she panicked and didn't know what to do. She just stared at him walking down the stairs, she wanted to say his name but she kept thinks that he hated her for what she did.

'Is he mad at me? Oh god…I shouldn't ever kiss him, what do I do now?' Alice couldn't think anything, while she kept pondered the next step James was walked away from that building.

James was furious he couldn't believe she wasn't said anything even when he left. He waited for a cab on the sidewalk, it's not as easy as he thought. He tried to wait but also walked home, again alone in the empty barren road he swearing all the way home.

"Wait!"

He just walked few meters apart and he heard someone shouted his name from behind. He turned around and wasn't sure who is it. 

A figure came from the darkness it still blurry until it was 2 or 3 meters apart. He slightly could see clearly who it was. Alice! He wasn't thought that she would come to go after him. She gasped for air and stopped in front of him. 

"Alice? What are you doing here?" James wondered and was shocked at the same time.

"You… wait…" She gasped and barely could speak, "Just wait, I wanted to talk to you,"

She organized her breath and then arranges the word to speaks with him. James waited until she's ready to speak. The two of them stand on the dark sidewalk with just one streetlamp among them. 

"I'm sorry," she finally said something. 

"For what? I have told you that was fine," James said quickly, "Is that just what you wanted to say?"

"You still mad at me right? You leave the party with anger and I know it. It because of me and I know I shouldn't try to kiss you,"

"Really? Is that what you have in mind?—" James sighed and moves closer to her, "Yes, I was mad at you. But, that's not the reason why I was mad at you."

Alice couldn't stare him in the eyes. Her heartbeat was so hard that make her felt nervous than it was. James grabbed his shoulder and took a deep breath before he went on.

"I was mad at you because you ignoring me all night. Can't you imagine how difficult it is to be at someone else party and no one talks to you?" James frowned, he had to let it go. He couldn't mad at her anymore.

"I…am sorry," Her eyes glasses and it feels tears would come from her tiny beautiful eyes.

Alice realized how dumb she was. All she could think just the kiss till she could saw the main problem in front of her eyes. She felt guilt and disgrace to herself, her tears started to come out but she kept tried to hide it.

She never let anyone down before, and that was the first time. She felt guilt and couldn't hold his tears anymore. Her heart is so sensitive and fragile at the same time, she's so expressive that's why she could make anyone happy because she could feel their feelings. She's easy to cry, laugh, and angry, that's Alice's true color.

James grabbed her and hug her to her chest, he couldn't say anymore. His heart is moved by her tears it makes his hands moved without thinking first. He hugged her and left her crying on his chest under the limelight from the streetlamp. Here they're two people with undefined feelings and try to understand each other.

James really wanted to know how her feeling for him. Was there something that he should do about it, he didn't sure. Neither did her, Alice drowns at the comfort right now. She came with tears from her eyes, shamed about herself. On the other side, she was happy with this condition, she never felt the warmness because of his arms.

She could hear James heartbeat through her ears. It felt like her unlucky and worst day in her life but then this guy showed his gentle side and made her crying because of it. Nothing she would ask more than this simple moment, at the dark side of the city she found the light within. It fucked up but also sweet at the same time. It the bittersweet of a lifetime.