Chp 90 : Doubt?

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It has been few weeks passed after his one-week vacation and now he was back in England for shooting <Full Metal Jacket>.

He thought with the knowledge from "The Man" memory and his present knowledge because of his eidetic memory, the job as an assistant director would be a piece of cake.

He was wrong-- since he had been given a chance for shooting some short scenes by Stanley, he was on cloud nine because of it but also having big trouble.

The shoot was quite adequate, but he felt that it was not the same as Stanley's. He wondered why, so he kept shooting again and again and again until the actors and the crews started to complain.

Fortunately, on the 30th take, he finally achieved the effect he was expected for but when he showed it to Stanley, he snorted and shook his head in regret, then asking him to not shoot the scene anymore.

As for the next day, he was just being tasked for helping Stanley to watch over his work and became a spectator when he got no scene to shoot.

Because of the rejection, his mind was in turmoil and he began to develop some anxiety over the week.

Everybody from cast to crews, Joker, Animal Mother, Crazy Earl, Eightball, and others tried to cheer him up.

His acting performance was unaffected by his failure, also because as a Private Cowboy, he didn't have much dialogue and screen time as much as the other actors were and he could maintain his professionalism throughout the week without flinching when Stanley kept told them to repeat the scenes.

Jessie who has been following him to England for taking care of him started to worry, and it also occurred with Vivian.

Vivian even sneak up to confront her father, but only got a rebuttal from him, he said that Al was already a big kid and he could take care of himself, he didn't need a girl like her to protect him.

Vivian wrinkled her brows in anger as she came to his room late at night.

"Bloody curls! He was supposed to be happy that his burden was reduced!" She came with a furious scream to his room.

Inside his room, there was him who was sitting on the edge of the bed, brooding and massaging his own head, and Jessie who was looking at him in a worried face.

"Al, let's go to my dad together! You should not be treated badly. If you come together with me, I think we could convince him to approve your shot!" Vi told him with a hopeful voice in her tone.

"Vi, it's okay! I'm fine!" He screamed. She was surprised and found herself jerked back at his voice.

Vivian thought that for the first time, he was mad at her.

He finally realized what he had done and rubbed the space between his eyes, "I'm sorry Vi, I just need time alone... can you both get out of my room?"

Jessie and Vivian felt the disruption on him and felt more worried about him. But they were afraid to test his patience, Al never got angry or even resort to physical violence as long as they knew him but seeing him like this, they didn't want to find out about it.

So they left him alone in his room, Jessie had a plan to call Mrs. K. or Mary to tell them and asked about Al's mental state while Vi... she was just standing in front of his room.

Now he was alone in his room, spending his time contemplating himself about what he did wrong.

He watched some films from Stanley's film VHS tapes and conclude that what he did was not wrong at all, the shot he took had the same style as him and everything he didn't do anything to get this treatment, anger suddenly rose from his chest.

"I'm fucking graduated from USC for fuck's sake! I should not be treated like this!!" He cried out, did not realize what he said before.

He released a long sigh of frustration, went to the bathroom, and wet his face with cold water.

As he stared at the mirror, it was like an abyss stared back at him. He didn't recognize himself, his puffed eyes, scarlet red eyes, and black mark under his eyes.

His disheveled appearance stared back at him, "Shit, right, I didn't take care of myself this time," He talked to himself.

He put covered his face with his two hands and rubbed it. He murmured, "What's wrong with me? It should have been a piece of cake, I got memories and experience of USC graduates for god's sake."

"It's because it wasn't you of course." A whisper to his ear made him gazing dazedly at the mirror, his reflection seemed like was talking to him.

"What?" He asked back in low voice.

"It was not you, it was me..." He said. "Let me go back, and you could rest, I will handle everything from now."

His lips were quivering, unable to speak back to him. "N-no, this is my body, you are just a memory..." He stammered.

"You thought your soul was absorbed mine.... you are wrong-- I was always on the back of your head... waiting to take your life just like you thought after you woke up before. Admit it, you just a child who got a gift that you couldn't use and appreciate. Give back the control to me, Alphonse." He smiled eerily at him.

"No." He whispered in horror, his eyes were wide open. The room suddenly became cold as his breath quicken, looking at his own reflection who seemed to have a mind on its own.

His reflection moved on its own, approached the mirror, and got out of there as Sadako did on the television screen.

Al's body jerked back and fell. "No, no please, don't." The stranger who had the same face as he was approaching with his evil smile, outstretch his two hands in choking gesture, then all hell broke loose.

"NOOO!!!" Al screamed, screamed with all the voices his throat could muster.

"Al, Al, it's alright, you are okay. Everything's going to be okay." It was Vivian, hugging him close and comforted him on his... bed?

He took a deep breath and analyzed his surroundings. He was on the bed, with his head on the embrace of Vivian. Was everything that happened before was just a dream? Or maybe was it a sign?

"Nightmare?"

"Huh?"

"Are you having a nightmare? I've never seen you had it before." Vi asked with a worried face.

"Yes, not the scary ones. Just... the unusual ones."

"Do you... do you want to talk about it? Your nightmare I mean."

He sighed, "I think not Vi, it was weird and gruesome for me to tell other people."

"Please..." She rolled her eyes, "I was with my dad when he shot <The Shining> and nothing bizarre happens, and I ain't scared if shits happens. Besides, are you telling me that I am "other people" that you mentioned?"

He laughed at her pouting face, "Okay, okay, you win my lady."

He straightened his back, "There was a creature, it was like a parasite who has been on my body for a long time and it began to take over my body. I was trying to fight it but he won, he took over my body and leave me on the small box inside my mind while he smiled triumph at me."

"That was kind of creepy, but it will be a good horror script." She joked.

"I told you, it was weird right?" Al said in uneasiness.

Vi realized her joke made him more uncomfortable and felt bad about it, then she clung her body to his and tried to comfort him, "Sorry Al, that was insensitive of me."

He reciprocated her hugs patted her back, "It's okay Vi, you are one of the people on the earth that was hard for me to stay mad at."

"Thank you, and you know what? I think you need a one-day vacation. You have been brooding and stressed out for the rest of the week and everybody has been worried about you.

Anyway, dad's being a jerk again when he rejects your shot. I have seen them and it was a carbon copy of his shot-- it was really good and you don't need to listen to him."

He felt glad when Vi admired his shot but he then realized something crucial from her words, "Wait a minute Vi, what did you say before?"

"Dad's a jerk?"

"No, the thing after that."

She then realized something, "That your shot was a carbon copy of him?" Both of their eyes widened.

"Yes, that's the one!? That's why Stanley was disapproved of my shot! Because I'm just copying his styles, no-- I have fully duplicated his shooting styles in mine!" He grabbed Vi and took her off the ground, and spin her around on the bed.

Out of nowhere, he suddenly kissed her lips and both of them jerked back in surprise. "Sorry Vi, I overreacted."

"N-no, Al I was, just, I uhm, I k-kinda l-like it." Her face turned scarlet red and stuttered while answering him.

There was an awkward silence that appeared in this room until it was broken by Jessie who came back and told her that he felt better than before. Although there was another nagging feeling that appeared on his mind, about that nightmare... he tried to suppress it and think about it in later days.

~~~

"So, how was it?" He asked smugly.

He snorted, "Hah! You cheeky bastard, if you did this the moment from start, I won't be hearing a nag from Christiane and Vivian all day."

"Hey, it's your fault for giving some harsh innuendos!"

Stanley shook his head laughed. This kid is really special, to be able to adapt to him this fast-- he had nothing but a commend for him. Although he still needed to have a special lesson for him.

After Stanley approved his shot, everyone who heard him saying that was cheering on Al. The crew and cast came to Al picked him up and paraded him.

Stanley let them have their way, he would just have compensated it later, with a hundred takes, a lot worse when he shot <The Shining>. He gave an evil laugh to his mind and somehow everyone could sense a chill on their spine and shot a glare in Stanley's direction.

The shooting for this day finally ended. At night Stanley was asking something unusual for him. He told Al to follow him after they finished their dinner.

Once he followed Stanley to his study room, Stanley took out a chessboard from his drawer.

"Can you play chess?" Al nodded at him, "Good, play with me."

Stanley took the black while he was the white ones. They put the piece in their places. Al started the game with opening moves.

"Closed Sicilian Defense? Risky moves from you." Stanley told him.

"I aim to please." He put a British accent on his voice.

Their game was a test of patience, when Al played offensive, Stanley fortified his defense, and when Al began to get defensive, Stanley started to get aggressive.

"Check!" After the game lasted for an hour, Al was finally the one who had said it first.

Stanley immediately moved his Queen to protect his King, challenged his Queen to do the same. Al didn't answer his challenge, choosing to back down and protect his Queen.

Then in the middle of the game, he spoke, "You finally get your ass back in the game."

Al knew he wasn't talking about the chess, but the filming. "A little nightmare and woman's care brought me back from the ground."

Another piece moved, "Do you realize what's your mistakes before?"

Al moved his Bishop and took Stanley's knight, "Yes, I'm trying to duplicate your everything."

Stanley nodded, "I like your short film, for an amateur you did a good job. But I found a problem with it, you incorporate the same bland style of Hollywood's commercial movie. In your second film, you ripped off Coppola's style, but I commend you for doing that because, for so many people, it can be said to be a near-impossible feat. Plus with a good plot and storyline, I turned impressed by your directing skill, but somehow it felt something was wrong and I realized it-- Uuh Check."

"Yeah, I also just realized that. I've been admiring all of you, oldies for the rest of my life. All of my vision about the movie, everything is from all of you. You, my Godfather, Martin Scorcese, George Lucas, Francis Ford Coppola, Alfred Hitchcock, Akira Kurosawa." He moved his piece again.

"I like your enthusiasm in the movie-making Al, but do you understand what's important in movies?"

"Storytelling! Storytelling, and pretty much everything I could put into my film, dialog, props, lighting, a song, or editing, how I want to try to communicate something to my audience that's the important thing." He moved his chess piece and hoped that Stanley was satisfied with his answer.

"Good textbook answer." He smiled and teased him, making him stopped his move and flushed in embarrassment, "We are born in a different time Al. I was born in a time when they think making films was an impossible thing. But I tell you, with a camera I had at that time, it was damn miserably easy. Now you boy, you were born at the moment everything kept getting easier but they said film making was still hard? Just grab your camera and shoot your film. Are you seek self-satisfaction like a European director or are you seeking for box office revenue like Hollywood's film blockbuster?"

"I-I want a balance between both. A good art movie with commercial success. I know my answer will make you look down on me, but I want to make my movies while also gaining money from it." Al stammered on his answer. His hand was shaking while he picked up the chess piece.

He mused at his answer, "Finally you get yourself your styles." He smiled like how a grandpa did go their grandkids. "Who am I to judge whether your movies were porn or documentary? You had to incorporate your soul into your art. A film is — or should be — more like music than like fiction. It should be a progression of moods and feelings. The theme, what's behind the emotion, the meaning, all that comes later."

Stanley moved his chess piece, looking at the chessboard, and said, "Filming is like you are playing chess, Al. You sit at the board, and suddenly your heart leaps. Your hand trembles to pick up the piece and move it. But what chess teaches you is that you must sit there calmly and think about whether it's a good idea and whether there are other better ideas.

Also, The screen is a magic medium. It has such power that it can retain interest as it conveys emotions and moods that no other art form can hope to tackle." He said. "What you did before was just relying on a textbook, copying someone else's style, you did not incorporate it to your style but swallowed it raw. Don't be such a textbook nerd like you are some kind of a film school fresh graduate!"

Stanley's word shook him to his soul like it was writhing in the pain of purgatory. His internal body was shaking in an infinite number of magnitude, his body felt like a Jell-O.

'I'm a USC fresh graduate...' He whispered to himself deep in his mind. He was confused whether it was him who said that or anyone else but he pushed it deep within his mind.

There were those nagging feelings left on his mind from the nightmare yesterday but he convinced himself it was just a dream.

What's more important now was to listen to Stanley's advice about filming and he got a lot from this conversation with him.

"You okay kid?"

Al took a deep breath, "Better than ever." He smiled convincingly at him.

"One more for you, if it can be written, or thought, it can be filmed. All you need is your imagination. You look like having trouble with it despite releasing some earth-shattering books."

"I was seeing the peak Stanley, 'till I didn't realize that I need to watch where my feet were should be stepping." Stanley's smile showed him that he was satisfied with his answer.

Another hour passed, the chess match was heated up until only a few pieces were left on the board. Vivian came an hour before but now she was bored to death because this room felt like a cemetery.

This monotonous conversation and chess move finally ended with a surprising outcome.

"Checkmate!" Stanley stared at the board with a smile that he was hard to conceal.

"Damn kid, you win against me. It's been a while since I was defeated in my own game." He boasted and loudly laughed.

Vivian who has been bored before raised her body and looking dumbstruck at Al while screaming "no way" at him.

The next day, everything went back to normal, except the harshness of Stanley's directing style who kept telling them to repeat the scenes until near perfection.

The accident happened on the scene when they hunting the Vietnamese sniper, with him as Private Cowboy, Joker, Animal Mother, etc.

He wondered how, but he saw a small movement near the explosion site on the Hue ruins scene, Beckton Gasworks.

Then he immediately told everyone what he saw and went there to check on it.

The other actors already told them to stop the filming and Leon, Kubrick's assistant already conveyed it to Stanley.

As he went over to the place, the little movement he saw before turned out to be a little rabbit with brown fur and an adorable face. He immediately carried her to his arms and rocked it.

He gladly released a breath, if he was late any seconds, they would start the shooting, and this little Hop, he named it, would be killed because of the explosion.

Then he heard Stanley was screaming at him and running in his direction, "AL! GET AWAY FROM THERE!! THERE'S A MALFUNCTION ON THE PRESSURE GAU..."

That was the last word he heard before everything turned black. Before he was thrown out by the explosion, he still kept Hop close to his chest, hoping she would not hurt from the shockwave.

To Be Continued...

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