CHAPTER 36

XAVIER'S POV

"How do I look, Xavy?"

Olivia's loud voice filled the room. Mum had gotten the twins some new dresses and they were trying them on. Olivia twirled around in her blue dress as her giggles sounded like music to my ears.

This is the sound that I want to hear while taking my last breaths.

I smiled at her.

"You look beautiful, princess."

Her giggles got even louder as she yelled a thank you and ran back to her room. Olivia's always been the loud one. Ever since the beginning, you would hear Olivia's squeals around the house.

I plugged my earphones in, as my phone streamed some random music I was playing earlier. As soon as I closed my eyes, Ophelia flooded my mind. Her laughs, sarcastic remarks, the spark in her eyes, and her smiles.

I remembered how she rested her head against mine. A sense of warmth engulfed me as I recall how it felt to hold her in my arms. When your mind isn't a stable place, you find yourself holding on to fleeting moments.

Moments you know you're gonna treasure for the rest of your life.

Or in my case, whatever remains in my life.

My mind drifts back to Ophelia. It's 7. I was certain she was awake. Ophelia had rather stay up late than wake up early. I called her and waited for her to pick up with my eyes shut calmly.

It kept ringing but she didn't pick up. She must be occupied. I'll try to her cell later.

"Xavier honey, join us for dinner."

My mum yelled as I climbed out of my bed. I wasn't hungry, but I didn't want my mum to eat alone. As I walked out of my room, I saw Hazel sitting on her bed and looking down at her lap. She had worn a similar dress to the one Olivia showed me.

I walked up to her, concerned.

"Hey, Haze! You doing okay there?"

I sat down next to her and waited for her answer.

"I'm okay, Xavier. You know what happened today in school?"

At least, she was okay. That was all that mattered.

"Yeah, tell me? I wanna know."

She pursed her lips and then pouted. With her head tilted adorably, she started speaking.

"Today, I became friends with this girl named Julie. Her mother and she are best friends. She told me that her dad had decided to visit heaven for some time. But isn't heaven the good place? So, why would he want to visit heaven if he already has his family here? Why would he want to go to heaven?"

My mind was blank. Went to visit heaven? I knew what she meant by that. But how could I tell her the answer to that, when I, myself, wanted to leave.

I didn't want to end it, because I wanted to go to heaven. I didn't believe in that crap. I just wanted it to go away.

Not the pain.

But, the numbness.

I'd give anything to feel;

just a little bit.

Just a little sip.

I shook my head and smiled at her. I patted her head and told her not to worry.

"I'm not really sure, why he wanted to visit heaven, but I know that he will come back. So don't worry."

Her face brightened up immediately and she smiled at me innocently.

"Okay, Xavy. You're the best brother."

I chuckled to myself. I wish I was. I was no where to close to the brother they deserved.

"Xavier, dinner's getting cold, dear!"

My mum's slightly irritated voice rang through the corridor as I got up.

"Go Xavy, Go."

Hazel began to laugh as I left. Her laughter warmed my heart up. Hazel and Olivia, were my sisters and I was always going to protect them. At least, till the time I could. But I want them to be strong.

So that one day, when I'm no longer there, they won't need me anymore.

I walked to the dining table and sat down. My mum had ordered pizza and prepared some Caesar Salad.

"Sorry, Ma, for making you wait. I was with Hazel. How was your day?"

She smiled at me and took a slice of pizza into her plate.

"It's okay, honey. My day was fine. It was a little stressful at the hospital, but I'm good. Wanna know something?"

She blushed.

My mother was blushing.

Oh my god! What in the world is happening?

"Umm yea?"

If it wasn't already weird, my mum fucking giggled.

Like a fifteen-year-old.

"Dr. Miller asked me out!"

Dr. Miller? That weirdo. He is the head cardiologist at her hospital. I mean, I'm happy for her. I really am.

She does deserve some time for herself. But, she deserves someone much better. Especially, after all the things that happened with my dad, I don't want her going through all that again.

"That's gr-great, Ma! I-I mean, I'm really happy for you. You deserve this. You really do."

Her face glowed as she talked about him and his successes in the medical world. Her eyes sparkled and her cheeks were tainted red. It had been a long time, since I saw my mum this happy.

This complete.

She went on and on about Dr. Miller for the rest of the dinner. After we were done eating, I told her to go rest.

"I'll do the dishes. Don't worry."

After a few minutes of reassuring her that I'll be fine, she went to her room. I tried calling Ophelia again after I was done with the dishes.

But she didn't respond. Was she alright?

She never did that. I looked at the time and saw it was still early. I decided to go visit her. I took my mum's car keys and left after leaving a note on the counter, saying "I'll be back soon."

As I drove to Ophelia's house, my mind wandered to all sorts of thoughts. Was she alright? My hands shook as my anxiety took a hold of my body. I hated this. I hated, knowing that if I lost control, even for a second, I was done for.

When I was almost half way through the route, I saw a figure that was running at a really high speed. Was it a human?

As it got closer, I saw it was a girl. Her long hair waved from one side to the other as she tried to increase her pace. Was she alright?

It didn't look like she was. I got out of my car, and tried to get a closer look. My heart stopped when I saw who it was.

Ophelia ran with her eyes closed and earphones plugged in. Tears were streaming down her face as she tried to keep running. I ran towards her.

I could see her legs shaking. She was bound to collapse anytime soon. Her tear stricken face silently screamed in the agony she was putting herself through.

I quickly caught up to her. Her breaths were ragged as her chest heaved. As soon as her shoulder made contact with mine, she collapsed. My hands struck out to hold her.

Why was Ophelia running? She didn't look like she was enjoying it.

At all.

"Hey Hey, Are you okay?"

My heart beats matched hers. She didn't seem okay. I was pretty sure her head was spinning uncontrollably.

She didn't respond. I tried shaking her but she was limp. I looked at her face and saw that she had fainted. My heart pained looking at her tired face. It was clear, she was under a lot of stress.

And she was hurting herself even more, by doing whatever she was, right now.

I patted her head as we stood in the middle of nowhere.

I didn't know why she was running or from whom.

But one thing was for sure, Ophelia had been running for too long. She thought that people wouldn't notice. But little did she know, that today she lost control.

Running from yourself isn't foreign to me. I have been to accustomed to it. But looking at her limp figure in my arms, I knew she hated it.

I knew she hated running from herself. But she hated not doing it, even more.

I hated seeing her this way.

I took her to my car with a firm decision in my head.

If she wanted to run, then I would hold her hand and run with her. Until she got tired.

And when she did, I was always going to be there to hold her.