Carry that Weight

I could feel myself dying and it was the most surreal experience of my life.

It might have just been my own fear and anxiety talking, but it sure felt like it. There was no pain because of the drugs, so it was hard to tell just how bad off I was. However, I could feel my joints and bones shifting and grinding in ways I knew they probably shouldn't. Whether it was from broken ribs or from breathing toxic air for too long, I couldn't catch my breath.

Not feeling the pain was equal parts blessing and curse. If I couldn't feel it, then I would just keep making things worse. The good outweighed the bad, though.

Because I needed to keep going. I needed to see him.

Now that the adrenaline was starting to wear off, I had stopped trembling uncontrollably, but my vision was fading in and out. My steps were uneven on the gravelly path I followed, long since left behind by Brutus. I hadn't expected him to move at my pace, and even though I was wholly alone out in this dark canyon, I felt nothing but numb exhaustion and misplaced determination.

At least I didn't have to worry about getting lost. This crevice was the only one big enough that could fit these muscle-bound aliens. All I had to do was focus on putting one foot in front of the other and staying upright. Keep going and live long enough to tell Wolf that I'd done everything I could. That I'd done a few things right. I'd done anything in my power to make it back to him, striking down all those who opposed me.

If I could live long enough to see him, touch him, talk to him . . . just one more time, then I could be satisfied at last.

That was the real reason I had insisted on going along with Brutus. Sure, all the things I'd told him were true, too. I wanted to see Wolf again and I wanted to watch him murk a bitch who sorely needed it. Really, though, it was because I knew I didn't have a whole lot of time left: a couple of hours, maybe. It had taken me almost an entire day to make it here, so there was no way I was going to get back to the ship on my own.

All that was left was to keep going forward, see this through until the end, even if I was taking a few steps back to make room for Brutus to finish things. Maybe he knew all this, as well. His off-handed remark about being surprised I hadn't already died was probably a lot more on the nose than he'd implied.

I was so tired, though. So fucking tired. As my will faltered and my vision began to fade, I heard a voice ahead, followed by someone replying. I took another step and blinked away the darkness creeping along the edge of my sight.

The path opened up into another encampment similar to the last one, complete with the same macabre decorations. Bones, viscera, and more bones. There was just one difference: in the center, erected on a thrown-together totem, was Wolf. He was bound and on his knees, still in his full armor and stained in dried blood. It wasn't a great feeling, seeing him like that, but it was leagues better than finding a corpse.

He and Brutus were talking. From what I heard of their conversation, Brutus was asking where the enemies were and Wolf wasn't sure. Smiling, relieved, I staggered toward them. He was talking. He was okay enough to be talking!

I clamped my mouth shut when I felt the urge to call out. I was invisible; we couldn't let Titan and anyone else who might be lurking think that I was still in the picture. If they knew, I was going to be in danger and a liability to Brutus. What mattered was he was there, he was within reach. There would be time for everything else.

However, Titan was nowhere to be seen. It seemed like it was just the three of us.

Even though I wanted nothing more than to go to Wolf, I tamped down the impulse and shuffled off to the side, opting to stay standing. If I sat down, I felt like I wouldn't be able to get back up. Besides, just because we couldn't see anyone didn't mean there was no one there.

It seemed Brutus also knew a trap when he saw one because he wasn't approaching Wolf, just standing a few yards away. He was tense, alert. Ready for an ambush.

Fuck. I was wearing my mask and didn't have my computer arm wrapped up tighter than a mummy, I might have been able to find hidden enemies. I just had my respirator, though, and my arm was indeed useless. Activating my cloak had been difficult enough.

"What about her?" Wolf asked. The terseness in his voice made me think he'd asked this already and had been ignored.

His concern made me feel warm, chasing away some of the chill that was seeping in.

"I cannot discuss that now," Brutus responded, unsheathing his wrist gauntlets. "I must dispatch this last obstacle and then we can go over everything."

I knew why Brutus wasn't saying anything, but I wish he would be less vague about it. I wasn't in great condition and he probably wanted anyone listening to think that I was lying dead somewhere, but did he have to lead Wolf on to believe that, too? If there was a way for me to reassure him without exposing myself, I would, but I couldn't think of anything subtle enough.

So, I stood awkwardly to the side and tried not to pass out and ruin whatever con Brutus was trying to pull on Titan.

"Last obstacle?" Wolf repeated. He sounded so tired and it pulled at my heartstrings. It was bad enough that he looked beaten down, but the strain in his voice just made it so much harder for me to swallow.

Brutus nodded once. "All but two are dead, I believe. One of them is badly injured and crawled under a rock somewhere. Only the hish is left. Where is he?"

At first, I was a little miffed that he was wording that in a way to take the credit for my hard work, but I chose to believe he was doing it for a good reason. I doubted he would do it just to make himself look better, anyway. For now, I had to be out of the picture. My condition wasn't great, but in a pinch, I was sure that I could yet be of use.

Wolf couldn't answer—he didn't need to. Titan appeared like a giant apparition, standing beside Wolf with a giant fucking knife in his hand. Brutus growled and it seemed like he was ready to charge, but Titan pressed the knife hard into the flesh on Wolf's chest.

I clamped my hands over my mouth, terrified of making any sounds.

"I didn't expect another arbiter to show up, much less a fellow hish. Looks like I'll have to cut my losses," Titan sighed. He looked down at Wolf and then chuckled to himself. "Literally."

Without further ceremony, he sliced Wolf's chest wide open. Wolf let out an agonized howl. I almost blew my cover right there, but I was hit with an extremely visceral freeze response, shock seeping into my veins like a cold snap. My already barely-functioning wherewithal couldn't process what I was seeing.

"Choose. Me or him," Titan said, as if he was asking Brutus if he preferred chocolate or vanilla.

Then he turned and walked away.

Brutus let out an annoyed snort and went to Wolf's side, cutting him down from the totem. My mind started working again and I was finally able to

"You have to go after him!" I told Brutus. I dropped to my knees by Wolf's side.

Ignoring me, Brutus removed his medical kit and started getting everything together.

"Ast'ni?" Wolf growled, taken by surprise.

I picked up his hand and held it in both of mine. "Yes, I am here. We did not want Titan to know," I murmured, nuzzling against the back of his hand. With even that much contact, I finally felt like the missing piece had finally snapped back into place.

"Brutus, tell me what to do and go after that asshole!" I demanded in English.

"No," Brutus growled.

His apathy irritated me. "Now is not—"

He cut me off with a snarl that made me cringe and shy away. "We will deal with the criminal at a later time. I cannot leave him in this state with the likes of you."

His words stung, but any desire I had to argue died when my eyes fell on the wound. Blood was soaking through; I could see bone and muscle beneath. My stomach churned and tears sprung up in my eyes. Maybe Brutus was right. I wouldn't know the first thing about how to deal with that. Was I supposed to staple that? Cauterize it? Was there anything that could be done? Leaving it to Brutus was probably the only right thing that I could do.

Even if he told me what to do . . . I only had one useful arm.

Wolf squeezed my hand and tore my attention away from his injury. "It is alright. There will be other opportunities."

I deflated like a balloon.

"Give me your kit and then get out of the way."

It took me an extra beat to realize Brutus was talking to me. I nodded and gently put Wolf's hand down so I could pull out the first aid kit. When I handed it over, the cloak on it was automatically deactivated and Brutus pulled it to him.

When I didn't move fast enough for him, Brutus chased me away with a few angry stomps in my direction. I backed away, glaring at him.

A strange restlessness gathered inside me. I stood there, full of energy once again despite everything. The adrenaline spike had revitalized me. I couldn't let this stand. The last thing I needed to do was go running off, but it was outside of my nature to let it go.

Titan, that fucker, thought he could just walk the fuck away from all of this? That after all these he could just "cut his losses" and leave? That there would be no consequences for his actions?

Oh no.

No, no, no. Fuck that.

"I am going after him," I said.

"He will kill you," Brutus said.

I opened my mouth, then shut it. Wolf was quiet and had been for longer than I was comfortable thinking about.

"Is he okay?"

Brutus said nothing.

"Is he okay?" I asked again, more forcefully.

"He is unconscious. A good thing. He will not hurt as much."

My anger increased tenfold. Wolf had always seemed like the Terminator, forging forward no matter his injuries. His image in my head had been immutable. I didn't blame myself anymore. I didn't do this to him. An opportunistic psychopath did, and I hated him. Guilt and blame had been placed unfairly on my shoulders, mostly by myself. It was gone now, replaced by unadulterated resentment toward Titan.

He needed to pay and I would go collect. He didn't know I was around and didn't see me as a threat anyway. Never really had.

When I did speak, it was in English again. Too tired to try. "You might not believe it, but I was an arbitrator of sorts on my planet. I helped enforce the law. I can't just stand here while the bad guy is getting away scot-free. I'll give up if I can't do it and come back."

Brutus snorted. "You are making another poor decision."

"Maybe, but it's the right one."

"No, it is not."

He didn't stop me, though. He couldn't, not with Wolf needing his attention. Perhaps he wouldn't or didn't even want to. I left Wolf in his capable hands and set off at the briskest pace I could muster.

Wolf wouldn't want me to go, either, I was sure. I had to do it, though. There was too much spite in my heart and if I was going to die, I wasn't going to die mad. Nor could I stand there and continue bleeding. I had to do something about it.

To my surprise, I didn't have to go far. The winding canyon crevice opened up into a valley. We were on the other side of the canyon. A ship was lowering itself down from where I assumed it had been parked on top of the canyon and out of the way. His ship was much larger than Wolf's, which made sense since he seemed to have a whole posse of assholes with him.

I pulled the handheld plaster cannon out of the holster hidden in my braces. I could kill him. A couple of shots to the back of his head, and he'd be out without knowing what fucking hit him.

But I didn't want to kill him. I wanted to do something worse.