What If I Am?

True enough, the tourists who are coming back and forth at San Malo's tourist spot is indescribable. Oh, maybe she can describe it. Let's identify them one by one according to class.

The first group of people are the Chinese from the mainland. How do I know? Well, they speak Mandarin most of the time. They use their phones to talk in wechat.And post their updates on QQ. And then whn they get a response, the women would most likely shout, giving instructions to whoever they are talking to and the men would grin. I wonder what they are talking about. One of their characteristics is their fashion sense. They always wear branded shirts. And the women mostly wear glittering shoes. I've seen a lot of Dolce & Gabbana today, and a few sparkling Versace. To be included in this group are the Chinese lovers. I don't know why but most of the girls are pretty, and their lovers do not really look like handsome matinees. It must be true love then. I say true love because the other person is not looking at the outside appearance but what is on his heart.

The next group of people are the Koreans. How do I know? Well they walk and move in packs and they have a leader who holds their banner. Their leader is a Chinese Tourism representative who basically knows how to speak Korean. It has a ribbon and their flag is attached to the pole. You would easily see them beause they are always in large groups. What makes it more chaotic in their group tours are the children. Who knows where they have come from. Most of the younger kids are crying because they must be tired from the day's events. There is also those young mothers and aunties who bring their own luggages and fill it with, guess what,not foods from the hundreds of sellers of Macau's very own delicacies, but from the discounted stores who offer a 30 percent discount in children's milk. Their luggages are filled with powdered milk in large containers. I wonder why they buy here because you can buy it in bulk online.

The next group are the Europeans. I can classify them by their looks, their height and their languages and accents. The Americans, the English, and others. I can't classify whether they are Russians or Germans because they all look the same and they speak English most of the time whenever they ask for directions. They are in small groups, usually in three to five a pack. And they always bring their cameras, and a large glass of take away coffee and milk tea.

And there are also the Asians. They are really small and loud. They always seem so happy and they talk in their own dialects. Unless you ask them something, it's only then that they would answer in English. Some say they are looking for employment here in Macau. Others came from Hong Kong for an exit visa. But I doubt it that it happens with those who bring their children. Asians are capabale of travelling too, I know.

Oh before I forget, the Indians! They talk in English, but they have a very different accent. It is very distinct to them. Most of the Indians who go to San Malo are looking for friendship. Well basically because they talk to almost everbody.

And since it's holiday for the students here in Macau, I seldom see teenagers who are younger than me. And if I see some, they hold on to their phones and their milk tea. The Macanese are rich. From what I've learned, if I am rich and I go here in Macau for comfort, the rich people here leave for the holidays and go somewhere warm. Some in Thailand, in Vietnam, but most of the families who can afford go to Australia because it's still summer there.

There are also locals who don't look Chinese. They are the Portuguese. They all look serious and talk seriously. The are the ones who spend their time in cafes and drinking their coffees.

And lastly, there are those who are like me. Walking alone. Maybe they chose it too, to travel alone, or to spend time with their very own selves. But I just know that there are those are left behind. Lovers ran away, they lost someone, or maybe they were rejected by someone. As for me, it was I who left, who rejected someone, who ran away.

It took her a while to reach and walk up at the Macau Library. It's almost evening so the elevator is already closed. She wanted to see the city without the casino glitters. She will never see something like that in Taipa area. That is why she chose to go there, because of its elevation, she will be able to see the sunset without looking upwards. She can't explain, but the sunset in that area is different. It seems like the sun sets there slowly as compared to the other places she's been to.

There are no clouds. The view is just the city lights down below, and the sky which is already changing colors. From Blue to purple and then there's the side with an orange and then the grayish hue. It's hard to describe how it is changing because it changes subtly and slowly. You would only know that it is already dark because you can't see the sun and the sky anymore. This is the place where it is hard to look for the stars at night.

Her phone rang.

"I am here. Where the heck are you?" it was Steve on the other line.

"I'm coming down now. I just went to the library." she answered back while walking back. She has to come down and head to the St. Paul's Ruins.

"You watched the sunset again, huh."

"Yes. And don't come here. I am already on my way there. Just reserve seats for us."

"Well, that is an impossibility right now. The queue is long and the place is packed. We could go somewhere else instead."

"At this hour, I don't want to face the heavy traffic. Let's just order a take away. You know what I like." she responded in haste. She doesn't wanna talk about her story over the phone. She is so excited to see Steve. That is her way of forgetting what happened with Derick. Maybe if she could kiss him, her mind will return to normal. Yes, she has been waiting for that to happen for a very long time but it all changed when she felt something different.

"This is your Caramel Macchiato, hot, with a double dosage of sugar." says Steve as he smiled at her. He was already standing as he waits for her at the entrance of the coffee shop. He really looks so young and his skin look so soft. With his looks, no wonder that most of the girls in his class are running after him. She is not one of those who would ran fter him though because she can always talk to Steve whenever she wants. He kissed her cheeks.

It was her childhood dream to get married with Steve. She fondly calls him Stevy. He was always there for her. And among her friends, he is the only one who really understands her. He would always be patient with all her hang ups and odd requests. She knows that it would be impossibe for Steve to not like her. But he doesn't say anything out of the ordinary either. She doesn't tell him about that dream of hers. What she would always tell are the stories about Derick since first year.

But something is off about that kiss. It was just a peck. Even though he is smiling, she saw it in his eyes. There is something wrong. "What is the matter?" she asked after receiving her coffee. He just stood there and lowered his face. They have the same height. She took Steve by the hand and led him to walk to the Ruins. There are still people everywhere but she knows he is about to say something. Upon reaching the last upper step of the stairs in the ruins, he stopped walking and sat down. He put his coffee down too and took hers. "I have to say something Eve." he said as he looks at her intently.

"Wait! Before you say something further. I have a request." as she cut his statement.

"What is it?"

She did not hesitate. "Will you kiss me?"

"Of course I would. But not here."

"Really? You would?"

"No! Eve, what's the matter with you?"

"Why?"

"Why would I? You are my friend, Eve. And I respect you. I wouldn't dare do that."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why? Just because..."

"I don't understand. Am I not that pretty?"

"Of course you are pretty! You are the most beautiful person that I know. With your body like that, even though you are wll covered, guys would line up just to talk to you."

"So then why? Please enlighten me because I am so confused right now!" She is getting furious.

"Eve, please don't get mad. I do love you, but not like that. I thought you knew."

"What do you mean I knew? Don't tell me you are gay?" she asked straight forwardly.

"What if I am?"