Chapter 17 ∞ Name

When morning came the next day, I was still deep in the covers, trying to sleep through the harsh daylight sun streaming through my windows. I had forgotten to shut them close again. They were probably open all night. Irritated, I pulled the covers to my shoulders and turned towards the darker side of the room, shutting my eyes close in an attempt to return to slumber.

"Evy?" Knocks resounded. The voice, I recognized, came from Mistress Veronika.

"Ugh." I grumbled, flipping the pillow so that it covered my head as I laid face down.

"Evy, get up. We're going to the center town today, remember?"

I pulled back my pillow like a turtle sticking out its head from its shell. I hadn't gone out of the House of Oblivion for a long while. I looked at my table with the new collection of perfumes I have brewed and debated going to the usual place to pick up some new oils and sell off the ones I have made.

Today, I decided I wouldn't be stubborn. I pulled the covers off, fingers brushing the harp as I moved to rise. I paused to gaze at it. The events of last night came rushing back. I picked it up as Mistress Veronika did another round of knocks then set it beside my bed as I rose to answer.

"I'm coming," I said, disgruntled and impatient.

I unlocked the door and saw Mistress Veronika with a tray of breakfast. She was donned in a beautiful blue dress that matched the color of her hair and eyes. It was a day dress. She was serious. Considering she was all made up and ready to leave, that meant there was no room for discussion.

"Evy," she began softly. "Let's talk about what happened last night calmly, alright? Are you angry with the mistresses and I?"

"I'm not," I told her. "I'm just disappointed you don't trust me with the truth."

"Evy." Veronika sighed. "Can I come in?"

I stepped back from the door wordlessly. I took a floor pillow and sat on it as Mistress Veronika sank on the carpeted floor, setting the tray of food in front of me. It was a little table in itself, standing on angled legs so I had no problem reaching for the glass of orange juice.

"Not that first," Veronika scolded me. "Put something solid in your stomach before you drink it."

I set it down reluctantly and reached for the warm buns on the plate.

"Evy, darling, please understand. It's not that we didn't plan on telling you. It's just an unfortunate mishap that last night happened first before we could. Nothing happened to your Mistress Marian. Kora healed her well. Marian is a natural opposition to your element, so it did not harm her as much as you thought it had."

I nibbled on the bread mutely.

"I won't beat around the bush," she said. "Your ability is something very rare—no one believed it was possible to be housed in a living body of flesh. We usually consider only seven of the eight possibilities and yours was unprecedented. The results you had from six years ago said you were a Conduit and your Deliverer is the Dragon of the Seventh and Moonless Night, Kaliya."

I looked up. "You mean that dragon of destruction and death and chaos? The one that supposedly perished in the battle against the serpent of the sun?" I asked. "What does that make me then?"

I wanted to deny that for many years, yet here I was, confronting that very reality. I couldn't say I was shocked, though. I was making out the pieces little by little for so many years. I just didn't expect that what I could do was potent to that degree.

"Evyionne," Mistress Veronika began. "You are as you have always been—it is only the truth and the knowledge of it that changes your life. You just have to trust us, your mistresses. We will protect you the best we can. However, the kingdom is currently in chaos. We want you to be ready for everything, so you have to learn as much as you can from us, alright?"

I nodded.

"You are a good girl, Evy," she said, reaching forward to touch my check and brush my honeyed red locks. "And very smart as well. I'm sure you have no trouble understanding what I'm trying to tell you. Now, make sure to come with me today to pick your bow. I know just the perfect place and we can discuss more as we go. Will that be alright with you?"

"Tell me really, mistress," I began softly. "Something is going on, isn't it? Does this have something to do with the in-fighting in the palace for the position of the emperor? I know I must've caused you a lot of trouble by helping a stranger…and if this has put you in a difficult position, I'm sorry. I know I can't do anything…"

"It's alright, Evyionne. Our walls are made to endure even the worst of a torrential rain—whether of water or fire. We just want you to be ready because what you can do, once people find out about it, you won't fare easy. Don't tell this to anybody, not even Erenol. Do you understand?"

I nodded again, unable to say or do anything else.

"Good. If your Deliverer comes to show themselves to you, you must tell us immediately. And if it comes down to it, you will no longer need to take the phasing test to confirm your results from six years ago because your Deliverer will reveal everything to you. That will minimize the risks of people knowing."

"How exactly do I know if my Deliverer comes to me?"

"The awakening is different for everyone, but it always involves a visit."

"A visit?" I repeated, brows furrowing as the realization was slowly dawning upon me.

My eyes shot wide.

Visit. Amber. The new moon. The shadows.

My mistress gazed at me intently, noticing my reaction. "So you've already met your Deliverer."

"Shucks," I muttered, my hands which I had rested on my legs.

I think I know what Amber's true name is.

At least, in this world.

Aggh. So confusing. I don't know what to make of anything.

I remember him talking about multiple realities. This must mean this world and Earth weren't the only ones out there existing. Maybe there was a world governed by a different set of laws of nature where, instead of these Veils running rampant, there were demons—or maybe something else my imagination could not picture. Or maybe there was just one with pure peace. Why couldn't I have reincarnated there?!

The books I read are all useless. None of them have any inklings about the other side, only pure speculations. What exactly did I expect, though? None of them had actually been there without forgetting about it. I tried going for books that dealt with similar topics, but none of them helped either. Like Amber said, I'm one of the only two people in this world who knew what the heck happened because I got reborn with my memories intact.

Other than increasing my knowledge a bit about this world, there really wasn't anything personally helpful. Still, it was very interesting how they proceeded with life. Traditions of burying the dead varied from place to place. In the mountain ranges were temperatures dropped very low, they let the dead be encapsulated in ice that would serve as their coffin. In the lowlands, they buried them with trees. In the coastal areas, they set a boat with the ablaze and pushed it out to sea.

I had to ask Amber to confirm my thoughts and whether I was thinking about this right. Where was that guy when you needed him?

"Are you alright?"

I lifted my gaze and steeled myself to reality. "I'm fine," I replied. "What time do we leave?"

"We can leave anytime. See to your needs. I know you'd like a bath."

"I'm not feeling it today," I said, moving in on my breakfast. There was some warm soup on one corner—a favorite of mine. "I'll just dress up nice."

"If you prefer that," she whispered. "I'll be attending to something else for the meantime. Call for me when you're finished."

"Okay." I began eating my breakfast eagerly, realizing they prepared everything I liked. It was a subtle way of saying they loved me and that they were sorry.

Ah. What did I do to deserve such people?

Personally, I didn't think they should apologize to me at all. They were not at fault. I just got caught up in my emotions yesterday because the whole business with the touch of death and hands of death…well—I didn't take it literally before. I understood what Amber had been telling me when he appeared that other night but there was just too little information to make sense out of.

Now I know what he meant.

So much for 'your Deliverer will explain everything to you.' He wasn't a good at explaining in that case. He was good at blaming, criticizing, turning up his nose, and acting like everything happening was beneath him, did not concern him, or wasn't supposed to be in his 'job description.' God, I hate that guy. He'd been a jerk since day one, still a jerk twelve years later. Why couldn't I have been aside to an earnest grim reaper?

Dude, it's been a decade. It seemed to me he wasn't familiar with the word 'change.'

Endure. Endure. The answers will come, I just have to keep looking.

I finished my breakfast and changed clothes, donning my cloak on top of a pale yellow dress. One could not forget I differed in appearance from other Veneryans as my father came from the West. I could still remember how he looked—that rich shade of brown, the bright blue eyes, the fiery red hair, and the wonderful voice. I was starting to look like him as I grew, little by little, but my mother's features remained quite dominant somehow, so I could still pass off like others in this country in certain lighting.

I wonder what they were doing now. I was much too young when I was taken away. While I could remember what they looked like and that my mother's name was Elleria, I did not know enough about the place at all. Where was I supposed to start if I was to look for them?

I sighed and continued to be lost in the fantasy of living a life by my biological parents in this world. A complete family. That's all I've ever wanted my entire life before this one. I finally had it, yet it slipped through my fingers. I love my mistresses for all they've done for me, but they keep me indoors a little too much—even though I really don't go out myself much either.

It felt like the reason why I was so clueless and naïve with hardly any development in the decade I've been living was because of the fact that I have barricaded myself with these walls. Answers come on their own, sure, but they come so slow sometimes you ought to meet them halfway—because it's either they come too late or they do not come at all.

I realized I was in a state of dilemma. I was torn between wanting to live the rest of my days in peace and going out there to brave my fate. I had an option to comfort…to protection. However, it came with constant dissatisfaction and restlessness—an unbearable curiosity that would no doubt fester in my heart for the remainder of my life. And if I went out there, who knew what sort of danger would confront me? What sort of trials would I have to mount to get to the truth? Would I even be alive to enjoy it or would it land on my casket as they lower to the ground?

I hate myself.

I have not changed since my past life. My overthinking, my wandering thoughts, my constant but useless philosophizing about the many decisions I could opt for—they always result to hesitation. I was not decisive. I hesitated a lot, vacillating between one option and the other until I no longer had either.

Should I step forward or back? Should it be right or left?

'What useless questions!' I remember my past life's mother would say. 'Just take a step! It doesn't matter to which direction! Just take the turn, it doesn't matter which way! The most important thing is you're moving. It's the moment you stop that you give up. Never stop. Even if you have to run in circles, even if you're taken as a fool for getting lost! Never stop!'

And then I would debate on the logic of her answer. It didn't matter if they were inspiring. I was not the type to wander. I was not the type to be 'lost.' I wanted certainty. I wanted reassurance.

Getting lost is for the brave—for those who had the luxury to be fools. But standing still to think about the next step to ensure it is not a wasted move, those are the wise—one might even consider them cowards.

I'm not a fool, nor am I really wise.

I'm just really lazy.

But if it continued, where would I end up if not where I always was?

A black spider spun its thread down my vanity. If it weren't for that critter disturbing my contemplation, I would have never gotten out of my seat. This—this is what I was saying! I never get anywhere with how much I think!

I pulled my purse to my stomach with a huff of indignation and made my way out of my room. Closing the door, I let out a sigh.

"Mistress, I'm ready!" I exclaimed.