Grandpa's Death Anniversary

It had been a month since the start of my fifth and final year in school. And so far, there had been a few good moments that were interspersed by some terrible and frustrating events.

Sunday morning, I was at the living room watching television while Charissa cooked some sausages and omelet at the kitchen. For the first time in a long while, I experienced freedom and relief from the demands of school life.

But just as breakfast was being served at the table, Charissa suddenly informed me about a very important event in our lives.

"Christine, today marks your grandpa Louie's death anniversary," she said. "You and I will visit his grave this morning."

Upon hearing Charissa's decision, my innocent eyes started leaking tears. Even as I carefully wiped them away, the feeling of grief still hung towards me.

I was only four years old when Louie passed away from lung cancer. He had been a lifelong smoker for much of his adult life, and the years of smoking many six-pack cigarettes took its toll on him.

But for the entire family, Louie was always remembered for being a selfless and devoted father. He would regularly use his own money to buy us gifts for the annual Christmas reunion, and Louie even performed some of his favorite songs at dinnertime.

Louie was also a trusty and loyal executive at a local conglomerate. For over three decades, he served the company with dignity and respect, and his gentle and friendly leadership style soon rubbed off on his co-workers.

On that particularly fateful day, surrounded by devoted family and friends, Louie graciously gave out his final words to each of us.

"The time is drawing near," he gently said to us. "My days here have come to an end. But I had a blast. Thank you for heartily giving me both love and tenderness to this world. I'll see you soon, my friends."

And with that, Louie breathed his last and the electrocardiogram flashed a flat line. The entire family wept inconsolably as their patriarch passed away.

I remembered begging the doctors to revive my grandfather. At the time, I could not accept the feeling of losing a loved one, especially an individual as caring and dedicated as Louie.

Unfortunately, the doctors could no longer do anything to save him. My grandfather was dead, and I cried as hard as my eyes could handle.

When Louie was laid to rest, I kissed his cheek one last time, then tearfully uttered these words.

"Goodbye gramps," I recalled. "You'll be missed."

As soon as the pallbearers closed the casket, my crying only got more intense. Charissa and Clark tried consoling me to no avail.

Charissa's sister Cathy then came out to offer a piece of advice to me.

"Christine, it may be hard to accept but Louie is in a good place now," she said. "He may be gone physically, but his memory will live on."

Cathy wiped the tears off my face, and I slowly stopped weeping.

"Don't cry Christine," she continued while holding my cheeks. "Just remember, Louie will always be in your heart no matter what happens. The pain of loss will still be there but it will leave eventually. Learn to gratefully accept fate and move on with it."

Cathy promptly hugged me and graciously offered one last reminder.

"Don't worry," she said soothingly. "You still have me, Charissa, Clark and all the other relatives. Everything will be fine."

Even after growing up to the woman I am today, Louie's death still felt as fresh as ever. Which is why the mere mention of his death anniversary made me feel a sense of grief and loss every time it happens.

"Christine, you still remember your grandfather like it was yesterday?" Charissa asked.

"Sorry mother," I tearfully replied. "After 18 years, it seemed like the memory of his death never left me at all."

"Well, you can reserve your sentimental tears for later," Charissa gently advised me. "For now, finish your breakfast and then prepare for the visit."

An hour later, Charissa and I were already dressed in white blouses and denim pants when the doorbell rang. Upon opening the door, my father Clark showed up fresh from hospital duty.

After Clark changed to some new clothes, we were ready to visit Louie's grave. Along the way, Charissa fetched Cathy from her humble home and upon arrival, the rest of the family showed up to pay their proper respects.

Some family members promptly dropped a bouquet of white roses at the grave site. Meanwhile, Charissa, Clark, Cathy and I lit a few candles in Louie's memory.

The entire family promptly closed their eyes and clasped their hands in prayer. Charissa led us for a short prayer.

"Lord, we thank you for this bountiful day," Charissa opened. "Our dear father Louie had left us 18 years ago, but his boundless spirit continues to bring both love and peace to the entire family. May you continue guiding all of us to peace and harmony. We ask this in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen!"

As the family continued offering a silent prayer, my eyes once again started leaking some tears. Even after they had made the sign of the cross, I continued crying which brought the attention of Cathy and my parents.

"Christine," Cathy called me out. "Why are you crying?"

"Sorry aunt," I tearfully responded back. "Every time we visit Louie's grave I tend to be overly emotional. My time with gramps was extremely short and after 18 years, the memory of his death still haunted me."

Cathy promptly kissed my forehead and humbly offered some encouraging thoughts.

"It's all right Christine," she assured me. "You can cry all you want, as long as that poetic expression of love and tenderness is inside your heart. I'm sure gramps is somewhere above thinking about my adorable niece every day."

Cathy carefully wiped the tears off my eyes and hugged me. Clark and Charissa willingly joined us as well.

After a visit to Louie's grave, the family went to a popular Chinese restaurant for a hearty lunch. Some of Louie's personal favorites were faithfully served on the table.

These include chicken feet, sweet and sour pork, wanton noodles and roasted Peking duck. Quite a delicious feast indeed.

It was a perfect ending to a wonderful yet emotional Sunday for me. But as I move ahead to next week's grind, what else could go wrong?