I Don't Want To Be A Necromancer!

Leaves blew across a deserted courtyard. The glorious Academy seemed...empty. Standing at the gates, I asked a passerby, "What happened here?

The lady I asked grinned as though she was recalling a hilarious tale.

"Oh my goodness, this place? You would not believe what happened here. You know the dean of the academy?"

"Headmaster Einhardt?" I answered, my heart sinking. What had my uncle done?

"Well, it turns out that he'd been embezzling money from the academy funds for a while. So they traced the transactions back to him and-" she seemed to choke.

"What? What did they do?", I asked with dread.

"Well, they busted his door down to search his place and they found him dead! Dead, in his own bathroom. See, he'd just installed this really expensive plumbing system but it went wrong and when he flushed the toilet, it forced high pressure water right up his swindling..."

She kept talking like she had been waiting for ages to tell this story, but her voice had already become background noise to me.

My uncle was dead. Of a backed up toilet bought with black money. His Academy's reputation was gone.

I groaned, dropping my head into my hands. NOW where would I go?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A few hours later, I was sitting in bed. The innkeeper of the place I found had been generous enough to give me a discount after I told her how terribly miserable I was that my uncle died (that embezzling twat), so i had enough money for at least a week. Now I could plan.

Things would be tough from now on. My talent for sorcery was basically nil, so I'd been relying on my uncle's influence to get into a good institute. Now I could either work really hard to get competent enough to join another institute (NO. Just no.) or go home in shame.

Meh. It's not like my parents expected anything much out of me anyway. I got out of bed and prepared to take a bath before hitting the hay.

In a room shrouded with darkness and scattered crimson light, a man in a cowled cloak leaned over a crystal ball set in jade. His mouth formed an expectant leer, the very picture of a dark sorcerer.

The crystal ball showed images seen by his familiars. He'd kept one in a secret location to gather intelligence and it had finally sent a response.

He leaned closer...

I heard a howl of loss as I walked toward the bath and spun around to see a very odd cockroach. Its main quirk was its size, at 7 inches and growing. Somehow, that failed to alarm me.

"For fuck's sake!" it clicked, mandibles twitching.

Oh, it talked.

"I spend six months setting this familiar up in the bathroom and who shows up?"

I gestured toward myself. "Me?"

"Yes, you. A. Bloody. Male! Do you know how much these things cost?"

I shook my head, still feeling somewhat detached. The cockroach was starting to look humanoid.

"You're dead now, dickhead! Just gimme a minute and..."

I interrupted out of curiosity. '"Why a cockroach?"

"Hm?"

"It's like, the grossest option. Why not something people like? Like a kitten? Nobody would kick one of those out."

The (now fully transformed) human in front of me seemed thunderstruck.

"A kitten, hmm? That's... perfect! A whole new kind of..." he trailed off into an evil chuckle.

I felt a chill. This guy was garbage.

"Thank you for the enlightenment..."

I realised he wanted my name.

"Just call me Peter", I said. No way was this guy getting my last name.

"Yes, yes, Peter. Anything I can do for you in return? I'm very famous and influential, you know."

An opportunity!

I decided to look past his filthy nature.

"Well, you see, I'm pretty wea- powerful and talented, but no school will accept me. They say they'll just restrict my success." I put on a sad face. This would be my path to achieving my dreams!

The shadowy figure seemed nostalgic.

"Ah, I understand. I used to be the same way, unaccepted by those mainstream institutes."

Here it came. The offer of an elite school...

"So I gave up completely!" he said proudly.

What?

"And joined a Demonic cult! They're far more inclusive, you know. Come, I'll take you under my wing." He gazed at me with eyes full of generosity.

My eyes bulged as I prepared to bolt from this lunatic.

"Don't be shy! C'mon, I'll help you move!" he grabbed hold of my collar. A tussle and a scream later, a crow flew out of my room holding a squealing hamster.

This wasn't what I wanted!