3PoundsOfRice

All the low points of this fanfic revolve around that stupid spear. From Chapter 1 on, it didn’t make sense to have two weapons at the same time. But then it led to a totally unnatural relationship with Gu Yuena. And his abilities either don’t make any sense or feel out of place. If we ignore that nonsensical martial soul (at least for me, since I’m not that big of a Fate fan), then the story is really good. The sword works well, and the MC has personality—even though he sometimes seems to change in illogical ways, it’s not a huge problem.

Well, he has the political and military power to ensure he isn’t looked down upon for his behavior. But people like that generally don’t behave that way (ever). And frankly, it’s a little off-putting that his entire personality revolves around it (it completely overshadows his other traits). I wholeheartedly recommend that you tone it down a bit, especially since you have good motivation right now. The man is moving to another country; he won’t have to “pretend” to the same extent there.

Well, he has the political and military power to ensure he isn’t looked down upon for his behavior. But people like that generally don’t behave that way (ever). And frankly, it’s a little off-putting that his entire personality revolves around it (it completely overshadows his other traits). I wholeheartedly recommend that you tone it down a bit, especially since you have good motivation right now. The man is moving to another country; he won’t have to “pretend” to the same extent there.

Well, he has the political and military power to ensure he isn’t looked down upon for his behavior. But people like that generally don’t behave that way (ever). And frankly, it’s a little off-putting that his entire personality revolves around it (it completely overshadows his other traits). I wholeheartedly recommend that you tone it down a bit, especially since you have good motivation right now. The man is moving to another country; he won’t have to “pretend” to the same extent there.

I'll give you the highest grade just for the idea. But the story doesn't deserve it. If you want readers to take the narrative seriously, you have to start doing so yourself. Someone who tells a joke is funny; someone who just tries to be funny is a clown. The MC is a clown—and not a funny one. You have a lot of good ideas, and many of the MC’s jokes would be funny if he didn’t do them a dozen times per chapter, repeating the same “jokes” chapter after chapter and even several times in every damn scene. A person who talks too much loses all the weight of their words when they finally want to get serious. The MC is frankly unbearable—he could have been a charismatic MC if he’d just shut his damn mouth. Another downside is that you also repeat yourself a lot in other ways. A line of dialogue or an idea is used in one scene, then the exact same line appears in another scene in the same episode. And that gets repeated in the next episode, like the “MC’s traumas.”

Tienes alguna clase de retraso cognitivo? Recuerdos totalmente disociados de la realidad y narrativa totalmente sin sentido. Es como si hubieras escrito lo primero que te vino a la mente.

Si hay un santo en esta época, es ese hombre. Pensé que solo lo amábamos de este lado del charco

Why exactly? Should Melania Trump have the same power as Trump? xD. These progressives.

Did the author realize how ridiculous the population growth in his story is? In 500 years, they barely reached three thousand people. How the hell are the Nandor , just a fraction of all the elves who split off, not even 20% of the Avari population when they separated , now supposed to have half the population of the Avari? Didn’t anyone point out something that obvious to the author?

Bro, there's a big difference between a “one-sided opinion” and reasoning. You can fight for a cause and still acknowledge its mistakes and crimes. Don't make your MC or single-track-minded character seem incapable of thinking.