The name of the protagonist and the other characters is confusing, added to the poor quality of the writing, the story is too confusing, which gives headaches when trying to understand and order it. It may not be consistent with the social environment, but it would be preferable for the protagonist to be called Bob, Max, Alex, Carlos, Manuel, Miguel, Pepito... Also, the point of view (POV) changes in this story are another reason why it's confusing, they're poorly done. You could dedicate an entire chapter to the POV of the other characters, but don't combine 2 or more POV in a single chapter. Finally, it is not known exactly at what moment a character is speaking or thinking, nor at what moment the characters start or end the dialogue.
Pretending_Author
Disukai oleh 21 orang
SUKALc_The_Second:Look at this guy... As if names like Carlos, Miguel, Pepito would be any less weird... Dude. To you it may seem like since you first language clearly is something like Spanish or Portuguese. But for anyone else it would be even weirder.image
Noname_nobody:Bob? Really? Didn’t read even one chapter, but your names are not for european like origins. For fics/novels like ASOIAF history bonded names are the best choice. Or some mixes of chistian/arabian in one name. I think something like Lucas, Daniel, Matthew, Michael, George, Charles. That’s fine.image
Noname_nobody:Bob? Really? Didn’t read even one chapter, but your names are not for european like origins. For fics/novels like ASOIAF history bonded names are the best choice. Or some mixes of chistian/arabian in one name. I think something like Lucas, Daniel, Matthew, Michael, George, Charles. That’s fine.image