Review Detail of MisterRE in My Group Chat Across the Multiverse
Ulasan detail
I have much to work on. I need advice to make my fic better so I can make it more enjoyable for the readers and myself. Let’s start with the biggest problem. MC’s personality. I can understand that MC has a childish personality for a 170 year old demon and that was my mistake. I admit that The grammar is decent in my opinion. Definitely not perfect or amazingly good but you can understand it even with mistake here and there The MC being weak is because of a curse. I did that since I didn’t want to make him so OP right off the bat since the SDS world is a strong one. I wanted to make it more enjoyable than being a typical overpowered right off the bat group chat story Right now there is only 14 chapters so there is a lot that I can change to make it better. I just ask for your patience and advice for my story
My Group Chat Across the Multiverse
MisterRE
Disukai oleh 12 orang
SUKABalasan4
Pythia:Yo you read this? I even read the newest chapters so i could actually give sound advice for you.
(1.) His interactions with characters are ridiculously stupid. Think of it as if it's real speech... No sane human speaks like you made your main character speak. (2.) Make it make sense. Now, obviously it won't follow the rules of our reality because we don't have demons and magic etc. But follow set rules of logic. I.E, if his leg is crushed he won't be able to walk again. (Since you wan't him to be cursed for no reason he won't have the demonic energy to heal) (3.) Develop your characters. You introducing 10 characters in the space of 12 chapters is very hard to do well. You can add them but development is needed. (4.) Honestly, just use your brain. He would not be allowed anywhere near his brother due to him being a disgrace to all demons, weak and his father not liking him in any capacity. (Also the entire 7DS universe revolves around Meliodas and his evil to good arc. Why ruin that?) (5.) Don't do pointless additions like Ocs and powers/curses that no one will like. I'm not saying you can't have the world curse him, even if i personally believe that to be moronic for many, many, reasons. But surely you, yourself can see how badly you laid it out for readers to be able to invest their interest in your story and main character when you made him so dislikable to anyone with 2 brain cells. (6.) Your grammar is fairly decent but use of spacing and such can give that extra emotional feel and develop an empathetic connection to characters and potential love interests. Yeah that sums up my opinion but it's too far gone for me to read again with that kinda start. Good luck :)
Pythia:(1.) His interactions with characters are ridiculously stupid. Think of it as if it's real speech... No sane human speaks like you made your main character speak. (2.) Make it make sense. Now, obviously it won't follow the rules of our reality because we don't have demons and magic etc. But follow set rules of logic. I.E, if his leg is crushed he won't be able to walk again. (Since you wan't him to be cursed for no reason he won't have the demonic energy to heal) (3.) Develop your characters. You introducing 10 characters in the space of 12 chapters is very hard to do well. You can add them but development is needed. (4.) Honestly, just use your brain. He would not be allowed anywhere near his brother due to him being a disgrace to all demons, weak and his father not liking him in any capacity. (Also the entire 7DS universe revolves around Meliodas and his evil to good arc. Why ruin that?) (5.) Don't do pointless additions like Ocs and powers/curses that no one will like. I'm not saying you can't have the world curse him, even if i personally believe that to be moronic for many, many, reasons. But surely you, yourself can see how badly you laid it out for readers to be able to invest their interest in your story and main character when you made him so dislikable to anyone with 2 brain cells. (6.) Your grammar is fairly decent but use of spacing and such can give that extra emotional feel and develop an empathetic connection to characters and potential love interests. Yeah that sums up my opinion but it's too far gone for me to read again with that kinda start. Good luck :)
That's a bit harsh but as much as I would hate to say it, it's true. I was hoping for some good character development but the stupid timeskips just skipped all that. I was honestly disappointed really quickly by the route that the story took considering that it seemed a bit promising in the start at least to me.
Pythia:(1.) His interactions with characters are ridiculously stupid. Think of it as if it's real speech... No sane human speaks like you made your main character speak. (2.) Make it make sense. Now, obviously it won't follow the rules of our reality because we don't have demons and magic etc. But follow set rules of logic. I.E, if his leg is crushed he won't be able to walk again. (Since you wan't him to be cursed for no reason he won't have the demonic energy to heal) (3.) Develop your characters. You introducing 10 characters in the space of 12 chapters is very hard to do well. You can add them but development is needed. (4.) Honestly, just use your brain. He would not be allowed anywhere near his brother due to him being a disgrace to all demons, weak and his father not liking him in any capacity. (Also the entire 7DS universe revolves around Meliodas and his evil to good arc. Why ruin that?) (5.) Don't do pointless additions like Ocs and powers/curses that no one will like. I'm not saying you can't have the world curse him, even if i personally believe that to be moronic for many, many, reasons. But surely you, yourself can see how badly you laid it out for readers to be able to invest their interest in your story and main character when you made him so dislikable to anyone with 2 brain cells. (6.) Your grammar is fairly decent but use of spacing and such can give that extra emotional feel and develop an empathetic connection to characters and potential love interests. Yeah that sums up my opinion but it's too far gone for me to read again with that kinda start. Good luck :)