Review Detail of RRMenon in Genix

Forgive me for this because I'm going to be very blunt. I hope you don't take this as a hateful review because I have nothing against you personally. Instead, it is my intention to point out where your writing needs work so that you can improve. Trust me when I say I am only trying to help you recognize your shortcomings so that you may learn and get better. That being said, please be patient as I list down certain issues your book has. Your main issue is grammar. I noticed numerous grammar and punctuation mistakes within the first half of Chapter 1 itself. I'm sorry to say that the grammar mistakes are so jarring that it made getting immersed in the story really difficult. I realize that English is not your first language. But since you are writing your story in English and for an English audience, you need to make sure there are as little grammar and sentence structure mistakes as possible. If you are unable to identify them youself, please consider finding a proof reader or an editor. The next big concern is that some of your paragraphs shift between topics or scenes in a very unsettling and sudden way. For example, you start the paragraph saying something about Roki's place or origin and then the very next sentence is something completely different that has no connection to the previous sentence. Do not do this. Each paragraph should focus on one point you want your readers to know. Do not jump between multiple points within the same paragraph. Another thing you need to be careful is the use of repeated words and sentences. Once you've established the character did something, you don't have to say it again multiples times. For example, you say that Roki parked his bike, but the very next setence is "After parking his bike". Don't say that. We already know he parked it. [Again this is only one instance in the book. There are multiple palces where I saw this] Also your book has inconsistencies. For example, when you describe Samuel, you clearly say that he has white teeth. But then a few setences later you say Roki made a comment about his yellow teeth. That doesn't make sense. If his teeth were indeed white and Roki was joking about them being yellow then please make it clear to the readers. As it stands now, it seems like two contradicting statements. Finally, when you write as the narrator of the story, you cannot give instructions to your characters. I noticed in one scene in Chapter 1 where as the narrator you say "Don't forget to wear [some clothes]". That was really surprising for me. That ruined the story immersion in an instant. Please avoid talking directly to your characters as the narrator. Honestly I could go on but I feel I have already made my point clear. Again, I really hope you don't get discouraged by this. I am genuinely only trying to help you understand where you need to work on your writing. Please take all these things into consideration. If you make the necessary changes, I will gladly return to ready your book again and change my review. Good luck!