Review Detail of kuhaku_sora in Orphan On The Snow

It has an interesting concept and story! I like it. The author also has an exquisite taste for words that makes the world really outstanding. Natalie Wilson will be pleased for her awaited story! The only advises that I can give you are be sure to include words such as "the" and "a" in sentences. there are some words out there that needs this sort of things which will make your story much brighter and elaborate. Also, you need to fix the numerous commas and replace them with periods. In addition to that, you would also want to place some spaces over each periodical statments, dialogues, etc. And most importantly, it'll be better if you would write the story in a more formal way similar to what western books are written. In that way, readers would find it pleasant to read in. The words youve chosen are really great! it just needs a little polish. keep up the great work, mate!