The language is neat and the story flows well. However, I have two pet peeves, and the the story has them both... one is the needlessly long and complex names, but this one is forgiven, as the names only happen in the beginning chapters, and soon, the shortened names are used. Second is the double quotes not beginning on new line. This one is important. it's rule of thumb. it really makes for a bad taste in reading, and both re-reading when two dialogues are with in the same paragraph. Standard formatting for web novel goes like four lines paragraph, double quotes on new line, every new dialogue on new line and every perspective change on new line. Despite these little hiccups, the story is quite enjoyable, so do try it. it's good.
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