little_black_horse
Tulisan
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little_black_horse4mthBalas MAALIK- little_black_horse5mthBalas Zurbluris
Okay, i get it. Thanks
Paragraf ini telah dihapus. - little_black_horse6mthBalas Dreslief
oh yes, Chronos. Thanks by the way. I appreciate it!
Paragraf ini telah dihapus. - little_black_horse6mthBalas Dreslief
Quest 5: Give for the best friend ( it's just a small task ) (finish on chapter 10)
"Quest 6: The Persea's power (required)" - little_black_horse6mthBalas Arip_Purnomo
- little_black_horse7mthBalas FamilyManCh 68 Chapter 68: Descendant curse
- little_black_horse7mthBalas BlandRAMEN
Thanks
Paragraf ini telah dihapus. - little_black_horse7mthBalas MrBoness
okay, thanks
Paragraf ini telah dihapus. - little_black_horse7mthBalas ThreyaMidnight
Okay, i get it.
Paragraf ini telah dihapus. - little_black_horse7mthBalas UelUelCh 1 Mysterious message
- little_black_horse7mthBalas UelUelCh 1 Mysterious message
- little_black_horse7mthDiterbitkan
The story is quite interesting because it features two different POVs, but some things confused me for a moment (maybe because of the POV usage). If my suggestion is, maybe it can be in the first chapter of Kelly's first POV, in the second chapter of Baby's POV, so it seems more neat, or maybe it can be Kelly's even chapter, Baby's odd chapter is much more interesting. The storyline is interesting, I like it. However, I think the narration is still lacking a lot( maybe adding narration will make the story much more alive) Keep up the good work author!
- little_black_horse7mthBerkomentar
very not verrry
"Ain't you seeing Lala today?" Jimin asked. He's the youngest among us and the only rockstar that bears his korean name. He looks girlish and verrry shy. - little_black_horse7mthBerkomentar
this dialogue it's too long for me, maybe you can split it or add dialogue tags
He began, "You know already details about the show. It's not just the song but the dancing too and I know no band can match with both your songs and your dancing which means that we are definitely gonna be the best performed. As you know, the show is next week saturday by 7pm but they have your stage performance time dated by 9pm after two bands we are third. Mr Brown and Mr Jay will have a meeting with you tomorrow by 4pm and you know what that means. After the meeting tomorrow with the two men, we'll know what next to discuss about." He stood up. - little_black_horse7mthBerkomentar
"Okay, that's good." Sir santos nodded.
Sir Santos nodded. - little_black_horse7mthBerkomentar
Romeo rolled his eyes, showing his annoyance." Okay, fine. I promise."
I saw Romeo roll his eyes. - little_black_horse7mthBerkomentar
I think this dialogue is too long for me. maybe you can add a dialogue tag to make this dialogue alive.
"Romeo the mass are making very bad remarks about Rocks high and the rockstars which might affect the industries alot. The duet competition is drawing near and we must grab the target just like we did last year. You'll have to promise for the second and the last time, not to sign for a student to be beaten or harrased in anyway again. Do that now please," sir santos said. - little_black_horse7mthBerkomentar
He refers to who? Sir Santos?
He looked back at Romeo.