:)
membaca
1440
Membaca buku-buku
Can you tell me the original name of this fanfic?
Author, is this a translation? If so, what is the original name?
Is there romance in this story? It would be nice if there were only a pure friendship with Okara, just like Vegeta and Goku~
My biggest problem with this fanfic is the excessive information. I don’t want to read half a chapter explaining why the protagonist can sleep for six hours with technical subtexts. There is too much information, much of which has been irrelevant so far—information that could have been simplified and condensed into a few paragraphs or even just a few sentences. There is so much information that, at times, you find yourself wondering if you should just skip all those technical paragraphs that have nothing to do with the main topic. Aside from that, this is a good fanfic—of course, if you ignore the excessive information.
The story feels more like a narrative account than a novel. Very little is shown about the protagonist’s surroundings. Did he have parents? Did he have a mother? Was the one who took care of him his mother? What was the name of the village where he lived? Why didn’t the person who awakened his martial spirits try to recruit him? Why did he reveal his martial spirits when asked,? Etc
I’ve been wanting to review this story for quite some time, but I just couldn’t find the right words to do it. Since their first fanfic, the author has grown a lot, improved, and brought new ideas. I think the only thing I can say to the author is that it’s okay. As you said, writing is a hobby—you don’t need to pressure yourself to release a chapter on time. Sometimes, it’s fine to go with the mindset of: “This month, I’ll upload four chapters, whenever and however I want.” It’s a hobby, after all. Hobbies are meant to be enjoyed, not to be stressful.
I specifically logged in just to write this review. Author, did you know you can read online incognito? My brain is perfectly fine—well enough to read more than 12 chapters of this fanfic and realize that I can only give an honest review about the first chapter because I simply couldn’t find the words to describe the disaster of the following ones.
I don’t know how to start this review. First, I want to say: who transmigrates into the world of Game of Thrones and the first thing they think is, “Oh, I’m going to go after the sexy dragon queen Daenerys!” or “I must have an attractive face; otherwise, I won’t be able to charm women.” Author, if you like harem so much, just put it in the tags. The second issue is also related to the protagonist and realism: who, honestly, transmigrates into a medieval fantasy world, far from everything they know, and reacts with such calmness and indifference? (And the first thing they think about is how to get a wife with three dragons…) At least give him some panic, even if only momentary. The protagonist also thinks way too ambitiously upon transmigrating, instead of considering, “I’m in a new world, how am I going to survive?” he thinks, “I’m in a new world, how can I advance my new home (lands)?” At that moment, the guy is a weak eight-year-old orphan, one who could die at any moment, one who doesn’t even have a source of food or money, and one who doesn’t even fully understand the situation around him. Honestly, aside from the fact that his brain circuits seem faulty, I can’t think of any other way to justify how he starts thinking in such an… overconfident way when he doesn’t even have a home (lands). I also don’t understand how, just by seeing his reflection, he was so sure that he is a Targaryen bastard… he even started planning how to sneak in and get a dragon. You know, author, the Targaryens aren’t the only people with white hair. There is also no sufficiently convincing reason for why he wants to reach the top, even considering risking his life for it. I have so many things to complain about that they don’t fit in a single review. This story has potential, but the protagonist, the narrative, and the lack of logic are not just ruining it—they are destroying its potential.
Different points of view are great, but the technique is poorly used. Repeating the same chapter with the same dialogues, only from a different perspective, can become tiring and annoying over time. No matter how much I love seeing the characters I adore from different perspectives, author, I strongly recommend that you try using a third-person narrator or a third-person limited narrator. With a little maneuvering, I’m sure you can combine different perspectives in the same chapter without it sounding repetitive.