MichaelCK

This never crossed my mind but it does parallel that a little

I swear this was a complete coincidence. I’d never read berserk until after I came up with the story and general lore. I was going for a biblical theme and apostle just sounded right. then I found berserk and you can imagine my shock 😂

Now that the first arc has wrapped up, I think it’s a good time to share my thoughts. This story has gone through many many rewrites before finally posting the first chapter here. I really wanted to make this novel good. I wanted a compelling theme and characters. I planned out so much of the world and story. I know it’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but this is my first legitimate attempt at making a story with meaning and a theme behind it. I’m not a professional, I’m barely qualified to be considered an amateur, but this is my genuine attempt to make a good story. There are many grammatical and spelling errors, and I will try to fix most of those. There are also inconsistencies, which I’m currently working out as well. I plan for this story to have at least 3-4 volumes. I’m not going to drag out the main storyline to thousands of chapters, because I think that would get boring very quickly. Thank you for sticking through the first, and the second volume will pick up right where we left off.

Loved the chapter! 👍

The politics of the world you crafted is very intriguing. Mentioning that had Dante actually died, Ciecil would’ve been thrown to the wolves is a sad reality, and makes the reader sympathize more with Ciecil, knowing what was really at stake. I also had a feeling that he wouldn’t be getting out of the marriage. Can’t wait to see them on their honey moon!

It’s a cool decision to make the idea of a vampire completely new to the characters. Reminds me of how there is no concept of zombies in The Walking Dead.

This by no means is something that needs to be changed, but it’s something to think about when writing. The line “I said with some guilt but managed to hide it,” kind of contradicts itself. Words paint a picture, so saying something only to contradict it makes the scene you’re trying to convey seem muddy. Words should flow in a comlpementary fashion, and as a reader, the flow was a little off with this line.

Interesting first chapter. A unique introduction with the MC waking up after having “died,” though it was unclear whether he actually died, or was presumed dead and buried. I will say, it was pretty funny seeing the the servant not being surprised by his return from the dead because stuff like this happens often. Aside from an inconsistent use of punctuation, the chapter’s writing was really good. It had a sophisticated vocabulary and very little typos. The pacing seemed a little fast. Things were happening very quickly, and it was hard to focus on a single event for long to take in the proper information it provided. Found myself having to go back and reread some parts that went by too fast to process completely. Overall, I‘m interested to see where this goes. I wonder what landed him in that tomb. Good job! [img=recommend]