Sp4de

Weirdo janai neh!!!

who can lick boots better?

it would have been better if it was reversed

The story has a ton of potential, however the way that the story is delivered needs work, a lot of work. Some things that I feel you need to improve on for the story: 1. The skips in the character development, the time skip at the beginning could have been delivered after flushing out the main characters’ personality, giving the readers a deeper understanding of the mc. This made the subsequent events about his feelings and personality after the time skip to feel distant and foreign. 2.The rushed emotional fluctuations when it came to romance felt shallow as you didn’t write about their interactions with their mc, aside from the rushed narraration. As mentioned in point 1, you skipped this bridge between the story’s romance development. Hence why I say it feels shallow. 3. The written interactions, some of the characters dialogue feels too rushed, like some of characters sudden fluctuations of mood, i.e. Yu tianheng, tans san and dai mubai, dai mubai is explainable as zhu zhuqing was his fiance and his temperament is evident from the story. What puzzles me is the emotional out burst of tang san, feeling cheated even tho there was no interaction between him and xiao wu aside from him following her around. Finally the way that yu tianheng changed demeanour, this could have been stretched out just a little, like point 2 this felt shallow as “I” as a reader didn’t really feel that there was a significance to the story. 4. The feelings the other characters have toward the people around the mc. For example, the way that shui bing’ers father and sister talk to her about what they thought of her, this was a okay in terms of plot, what could have made this better was slowing down the tempo in which the events unfolded. Several parts of the story are also like this, and from my perspective these parts of the story felt like it was playing in x5 speed. Of course this point is just a personal feeling so this can be ingorned if you want. Overall, I like the comedy that is part of this, the AU elements in the story is so far okay as the events are all connected, so world building is okay. update stability is also straightforward. Writing quality and story development wise, if the above points are taken into account then the world development should get better. I saw in a review that you may decide to rewrite this in the future, if you do decide to do that I hope you keep in mind the points that I mentioned when writing. I wish you luck!

that is cool lol, one side of the clan is attack and the other support, imagine the force power 🤩

I tried making one using ai, but they didn’t get his face right, it looked more like the final boss from mario 😂

some images generated using chat gpt