Benevolene

The Divine Blades has a lot of potential, especially with its reincarnation and magic-based world. Soujin’s journey as a reluctant captain is engaging, but the story could benefit from more development in a few key areas. For example, in Chapter 4: Captain's Meeting, many side characters are introduced briefly, but we don’t get much insight into their personalities. Adding personal traits or conflicts for the other captains could make the scene more memorable and make the stakes feel higher. The dialogue, particularly in Chapter 7: Preparations, often feels a bit flat. When Soujin and Muffet talk about their mission, there’s a lot of straightforward back-and-forth, but not enough emotional tension. It’d be nice to see more hesitation or humor woven in, giving their relationship more depth. Similarly, the action scenes, like the dragon fight in Chapter 3: Dragon Slayer, could benefit from richer descriptions. Instead of saying "Soujin slashed the dragon," you could slow down the moment with more sensory details: “Soujin’s blade scraped against the dragon’s hardened scales, sparks flying as the weight of the beast’s body strained his grip.” This would immerse readers more deeply in the battle. In Chapter 5: Serious Matter, Soujin faces the pressure of leadership, but his inner struggles aren’t fully explored. Does he feel fear, excitement, or doubt? Expanding on his internal conflict would make him more relatable and add emotional depth to the plot. Finally, the world-building is intriguing, but it could be more seamlessly integrated into the narrative. In Chapter 6: Money, for instance, you get a glimpse into the logistical side of being a Divine Blade, but it feels disconnected from the grander fantasy setting. Tying these details more closely to the world’s politics or culture would make the setting richer. Overall, it’s a solid start, but fleshing out the characters, dialogue, and descriptions would take The Divine Blades to the next level. I’m looking forward to seeing how the story evolves!

Plot Armor Agency has a cool, creative idea. The whole "meta-narrative" where characters manipulate storylines is super interesting. But sometimes, the writing feels repetitive, and the characters could be deeper. For example, Scarlet is kind of one-note, and the dialogue could be smoother. Some parts of the story feel rushed, like in Chapter 9: The Cell, where things move too quickly without building up tension. More description and slowing down the action would help the story feel richer. What Could Be Better: Character Depth: Scarlet, for example, feels pretty flat. Instead of just being mean, it’d be great if we saw why she acts the way she does. The protagonist, too, could be more relatable if we saw more of his inner struggles. Dialogue: Some of the conversations, like in Chapter 7: Pitiful Existence, feel too stiff or unnatural. Characters don’t really react to intense moments the way you’d expect. They need more personality or emotional punch in their words. Pacing: Some chapters feel rushed. In Chapter 9: The Cell, things move so fast that you don’t have time to feel the tension or danger. Slowing down and letting the atmosphere build would make it more suspenseful. Descriptions: In Chapter 5: The Baby, we don't get enough detail about the world around the characters. If there was more description—what it smells like, feels like—it’d really pull the reader into the story. Emotional Impact: The story needs more emotional depth. In Chapter 10: The Cell (2), the protagonist seems more like an observer than someone really struggling with what’s happening. More focus on his emotions would make us care about him more.

Currently, the description sounds more like Alice in Wonderland delusion than something real... How do I describe it... If you imagine the scene it is like you are reading someone who have lost it long time ago, or is mentally unwell. And him accepting it the fact this fast, not in a calm and collected way, but in a chaotic way, that is something probably most people won’t do? Anyhow, it is too descriptive, but if this is how you wanted to write it, then it is your right to write it this way, I’d prefer something much easier to the imagination, not an Alice in Wonderland style.