CharlieJames

I feel like using such words could change the direction of this story and redirect the audience to a dark path of crime and destruction.

Wowey! Someone call an ambulance because I have no breath left! Just jokes. This debut chapter is one of, if not the best chapter I have read on this website. It includes many elements such as the beginnings of great character structure as well as building this fantastic world. I feel like I relate dearly to the main character and even made be shed a tear once or twice. I do have a few things I would like to suggest to a new author such as this brilliant one. I believe the characters should be balanced between genders and race so that it reaches and relates to the vaster majority of people. Then we can go main stream baby! I also LOVE the early mentions of the main character’s north-eastern roots and how he used to kick the sand out of boredom out the front of his bedroom window. I also use to do this but instead of sand, it was my hamster. Another point I would like to bring up during this opportunity to contact such an epic author is that your choice of title is perfect for such a tone and storyline. Even though we have not yet been emerged into the world of time in the story, I feel that I have been deeply impacted as time travels super fast while reading this book because of how emerged I get when reading it. I know for a fact that other readers feel the same way. For me, I have spent 4 hours so far reading over this 1st chapter and drawing what I believe the characters and world looks like. I have also ordered a custom bed spread from Etsy with my drawing on it. 5 stars any day.

I agree froggy

For future weather and/or temperature descriptions, try and make the reader feel it rather than just read it.