Ruemari_Cordan

First of all, I get the idea of the book. The blurb of the story will interest you from reading it, but there's something lacking in your story. It's lacking of description that will make the readers get hook in the story though little improving will do. Second, I noticed that you always put the dialogue tag before the dialogue though it isn't bad to use it, but using it every conversation will disrupts some readers (or maybe just me). You can just put it at the end of dialogue and be careful with the punctuation because it'll affect the flow of story if not use in right way. Lastly, I don't think if it's right for me to say this since I'm not good on it, but you should work on your grammar. You don't need to be perfect on it, just a little editing and it might work on your story. Nevertheless, I understand that the story might not interest everyone at first but no one knows how the story goes on and it might become a good and interesting novel in the future as the story continues. P.S. I'm sorry if I offended you in some ways, but I want to give you an honest feedback so you can improve for the next chapter. Keep up the good work 👍

I get the idea of this chapter, but there's something lacking on it. You should put more description and don't just state the obvious action of the character. The grammar and punctuations too, you should work on it for better understanding. I don't intend to offend you in any ways, but I want you to improve.

Ellipsis represents pause or something that intentionally left out which best described Georgina and Giovanni's relationship since they don't have a proper breakup or closure so their story remained pause 😁

As you read the story, you'll know the reason of her action and why she couldn't confront Van when it comes to their relationship😁

The story is interesting from the start, every chapter has a revelation that you didn't expect and it has good narration as if every scenes playing inside your mind. It's just my opinion but you should refrain from using too much ellipses (...) and unnecessary expression that you can just show in better way so the readers will engaged to it. Overall, it's a well-made story and I highly recommend it to everyone who loves to read a fantasy story.

Revelation after revelation, from the magic users, through the planet Mars and now, to the enemy's camp? It started to get interesting.

I've also noticed the unnecessary word of expression like hehehe, hihi, E-eekh, if you can show it to your readers it's much better. Though you can ignored it, since it's my own opinion. Well, it's all up to you.

I think it's not necessary to put the ellipses before the paragraph and I noticed you've been using it a lot. Maybe, it's just my own preference though I'm not good in grammar, but you should avoid using it most of the time. I hope you'll not get offended by it.

what?

It's a sad yet meaningful farewell for someone you treasured.