Jovilynx

Okay, so what did I expect from the person who wrote Haven Online? I expected a good VRMMO style novel with engaging characters and a main character that died a gruesome death lololol! I was right, but omg, this was so freaking engaging! I was so in it that I read it all in just an hour and now I have to write for fricking updates, and that just ain't fair! I even did the Persona test, and I got the Ore fella (yummy, you know author ;) ) Seriously, you made it so angsty at the beginning, but I can't wait to see the revenge plot, I want it bad! Writing quality is superb, descriptions on point and no awkward placements, I laughed with the witty lines! Story development is solid like a rock, bae! Character design is flawless, all characters feel 3D, but I would love more interaction between Zeyu and Lixin, best bros! World BG is still unexplored, but you've revealed just enough for me to feel intrigued! The pods, the language chip, I wanna know more! Author-sama, please! Mwah mwah mwah!

You making puns on wife's name?

Really like the beginning of the story so far! I much prefer pieces that have elements of prosaic description in them than piece s than are pure dialogue and short paragraphs of action, so this was really a treat. You're clearly dabbling in the supernatural here with people having special abilities, and we've met two of them so far. Kiyohara is having massive problems with apparently being haunted progressively at a fast pace, which makes his ability go out of control, while Makiko can see ghosts. They have a feud, that much is established, so I wonder how they'll cooperate on solving that. Kai hasn't been fleshed out that much, but has left an impact for sure. He is trying to be a good friend, but it's not working right now. Let's hope it's gonna work out. The only thing that's actually thrown me off is the need for some editing and proofreading. I've noticed mistakes in tenses, repeating words, lack of punctuation, lack of capitalised letters, and other smaller mistakes, such as misspelled words. I'm asking you to fix that if possible and pay attention to it in the future. Good job for a good read, I hope you continue writing this![img=recommend]

There is no specific reason for the Asvin hate, it's just some vague feeling that I usually have when unpleasant characters enter the scene. But I think that it's just his character writing that didn't sit well with me.

The story is great! I really liked the exposition at the beginning, and then the sudden jump into the action. I could see that it was a bit hard for you to write a child's mind until you got used to it, though even now, Matthew seems a bit too odd for a child, off-putting, even counting the horrors he faced. I don't like Asvin much, when I imagine him, he comes up along with the image of a slug. But I really like Rania, she's like a flower. I'm interested to see what happens next, so this is surely going into my library for keeping it! Also, the only reason I'm not giving you full 5 stars is the amount of commas you're using. I know of people who don't use enough commas and have too long sentences, but you? There's a comma every three words. I caught myself reading it like a broken google voice. XD

The author basically made his own version of AoE with some sandboxing and the story is chockful of 'System Announcements'. I would have loved to see more interaction between Lords. I also think that for this kind of a resource gathering and military multiplying setting, the progress is far too slow in the first twenty chapters. I was happy when they introduced the first alien species, but it seems that will become a staple. It also seems that on this map exist people who are originally from this world, and are not from the Summoning Gate, so good job for Zhou Zhou there, he got a great Architect. Concept seems more like a log of happenings rather than a story, so I would wish for more narration, and also, please decide on the gender of Bai Yun.

The story is interesting, I must admit that. I see that you're trying to portray the MC as a through and through villain who also has his humane side, which reflects in Li Na and characters such as grandma and Ling Chen. But on the other hand, it seems as if he exists only to be tyrannical, to be evil and brutal, all the bad, unprincipled. I'd say that your writing pace is too fast, slow down a bit, add a bit more description to certain scenes, even the fighting ones. Try to add more introspection on the MC's side so we can understand him better. For example, the assassination scene in the manor where he cut the throat of the guy who slept with two women could have been written with more tension by describing his mental state and such. Why aren't you already making him use his golden finger by entering small markets and taking non-perishables under everyone's noses? Describe a scene like that. Despite being a character that's supposed to be both smart and villainous, he seems superficial. Some kind of male ego, a chauvinistic point of view is leading him forward. I'm see-sawing between neutrality and antipathy for him as a character. For better reading experience, please proofread your chapters the best you can. Use capital letters, comas, all the proper punctuation. In the end, despite all of this, I'm giving it a pretty high grade because it has potential and I did say it is interesting. Good work and continue pushing forward.

It's so cool to know that you know the story better than Maomi~ Why don't you use that foresight somewhere else, eh?

and that's how you become a lottery addict....

love it, can't wait to read even more ~~~ (●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)(●♡∀♡)