https://www.arechnocadia.com/
Tulisan
membaca
64
Membaca buku-buku
He is better at naming as I am. Like I called my Company Arechnocadia Company... yes 2 times company in the name... [img=recommend]
that's a year my boisss
dumb ways to die. So many dumb ways to die.
that, right there makes a good story. consideration to the story, outside of your mc.
The writing Quality is top notch. I did stumble on some lines, which got me out of my reading Flow. But otherwise, it got me hooked. I like how the story is developing, not much known, but till know it does not sound bad. What I found a bit lacking was the Village dynamic. I was a bit Lost on the backgrounds of the Characters or what's happening. A bit more in detail of the goings around the Situation would be appreciated. Otherwise, the Characters, where Interesting, some were quite cliche I think. Which is not bad It's just that we are missing some background of why their action are like this if they had known her for long. Or if they always hated her. A reason for their action more than just the simple. I’m poor so I need money. Because of the "that" we are now like "this". More than 2 Layers are appreciated. Otherwise, it's a great beginning to a Story, with some flaws, but those are not strong enough to impact the story and can be easily explained later. With some edits on the beginning and I would not notice the difference between a Professional take on the Story and yours. Great read! P.S. I commented on the section which brought me out of the flow of reading.
"shooting trough her body" It's more of the shoulder wound getting ice cold water into it. Or has the Arrow pierced right trough her shoulder? Is it still stuck in her Shoulder, its not right? Before you said Bone right, so is it broken? I'm not quite sure. Sry just got me a bit tangled there.
What's the diffrence between shoulder and shoulder blade? In this context?
"and" combining the sentence "the sun down" and "never been in the woods before" trough and feels kinda tripy. Got me out of the flow of reading your story.
and or as ??? What in this term is the right usage???
3 Paragraph brought me abit out, anybody else? "This is how..."